Of Grain and Grain  |  Tactile Explorations of Flour and Wood

By Ashley Look

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Recurring Dream

October 31, 2015 by Ashley Look in Caregiving

This keeps happening.  Choking dreams... 

The peril for choking is always different and has evolved slightly over time however panic remains. The first ones I remember included sand.  Like being buried alive and relying on the air between those individual grains, always struggling to breath-in. Every breath was sharp and rough as the soft tissue of my lungs gathered harrowing abrasions.   But breathing… very heavy breathing.

Somewhere along the way this dream has changed.  I haven’t had the sand one in a while and the panic is no more about the strain of inhalation, but instead it’s coughing a substance out.  Lately, this substance takes the form of a melted, sticky kind-of tar. Often it is black and coats my tongue and throat, and my breath becomes forceful and heaving as I try to get it out.  It's that same lurching way that happens when you gag.  At times I wake-up, ripped from the dead of night.  The coughing is ragged and painful, but I have to get it out.  If I am lucky I might even vomit, because with that goes the adrenaline and after I can usually fall back asleep. 

October 31, 2015 /Ashley Look
dreams, recurring dream, sand, choking, tar, breath, gag, buried alive, vomit
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