Of Grain and Grain | Tactile Explorations of Flour and Wood

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Recurring Dream

This keeps happening.  Choking dreams... 

The peril for choking is always different and has evolved slightly over time however panic remains. The first ones I remember included sand.  Like being buried alive and relying on the air between those individual grains, always struggling to breath-in. Every breath was sharp and rough as the soft tissue of my lungs gathered harrowing abrasions.   But breathing… very heavy breathing.

Somewhere along the way this dream has changed.  I haven’t had the sand one in a while and the panic is no more about the strain of inhalation, but instead it’s coughing a substance out.  Lately, this substance takes the form of a melted, sticky kind-of tar. Often it is black and coats my tongue and throat, and my breath becomes forceful and heaving as I try to get it out.  It's that same lurching way that happens when you gag.  At times I wake-up, ripped from the dead of night.  The coughing is ragged and painful, but I have to get it out.  If I am lucky I might even vomit, because with that goes the adrenaline and after I can usually fall back asleep.