5 Tips For Downsizing Seniors

Hey there!

June and I are back with some tips for downsizing seniors.  This is actually much easier said than done and I can say this with certainty as I've now spent the last three years bringing a sense of order to the house I grew-up in. It was never the most organized of homes but as my parents health declined, the house grew further and further from any sense of security.  Their slide into dementia and Alzheimer's was increasingly complicated by the sheer presence of stuff.

Stuff I realize is often a sore subject.  Those that have it, struggle getting rid of it and those that inherit it feel burdened by the responsibility of managing it.  Seniors and youth often find themselves at odds.  Arguments about the value of antiques and heirlooms need to be measured alongside the expense of missed work, cost of storage, and the cost of transportation.  It's not that the youth of today value low quality items made in China or whatever the case may be, but rather the youth of today are in fact working and  providing for their own families and have purchased their own belongings as time and means allowed.  As any generation with the privileged to afford goods, they purchase items that speak to them with regard to their personal taste, budget, and space.  The assumption that items will be passed on and swapped out can belittle the hard work one took to establish their own household and I encourage seniors to pause before assuming younger generations will want their wares.  I would also encourage younger generations to ask questions and learn the history behind family belongings as many items are valuable because of their stories.

Part storage, part childhood... 

Needless to say, "stuff" is a complicated subject for families and June from Rise Up for Caregivers is here with a handful of tips to help give the process of downsizing some momentum. Read hers below and please share any you have discovered.  Decluttering and downsizing can be a massive undertaking so please don't hold back on suggestions!

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For seniors, there are plenty of reasons to need to downsize - you’re moving to a smaller home, moving to an assisted living community, decluttering to make aging in place easier, or simply because you want to get rid of some things and streamline your life. Whatever the reason, it’s never a pleasant task to begin, however, the results are usually rewarding. Here are some tips to make it more manageable.

Put gadgets in boxes

This is a trick to figure out exactly what you use and what you don’t. If you have a month or two to spare (before a move, for instance), pack up like items into boxes. Put all of your kitchen gadgets, electronic gadgets, and other gadget-like items in their own boxes. Now, over the course of the next couple of months, take out the items as you need them. What’s left in the box after a few weeks are items you probably don’t need. Do note, this works best for “useable” items. There are plenty of things that you won’t “use” in the course of a month that you still want to keep like photos, jewelry, and other sentimental items.

Institute a “one in, one out” rule with collections

When it comes to books, DVDs, CDs, and other types of collections, we can amass more than we know what to do with by the time we are seniors. One way to make downsizing these collections easier is to institute a one in, one out rule. For every one you keep, throw one out (or donate it).

Precisely measure your new living space

This tip is crucial if you’re moving to a retirement community, where you’ll have significantly less living and storage space. Have a loved one go to your new space and measure everything - closets included. Make a quick sketch of the floor plan and then get to work planning where everything will go. Once you have a place for everything you truly need in your new retirement community space, it’ll be easier to part with the stuff that simply cannot fit.

Go digital

Downsizing is about getting rid of physical items to unburden yourself and create more space, but that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of memories. Use internet storage to your advantage. If you have a bunch of old photo albums or scrapbooks, think about scanning these images into a computer and uploading them to an online photo storage site (here are some of the best). If you have other keepsakes and mementos, take photos of them and get rid of the physical item. This will allow you to keep the memory, but ditch the bulky items. More on downsizing your photo collections here.

Take “maybe” out of your vocabulary

When deciding what to keep, what to throw away, and what to donate, you should make those decisions as you pack and organize. Ditch the “maybe” pile. If you allow yourself the option of not making a decision on an item, you’re much more likely to keep it later on. If you truly want to downsize, you have to make hard choices as you go.

Downsizing is always going to be stressful. For many, it can be downright emotional. Getting rid of possessions is never going to be easy, but it’s vital if you’re moving to a smaller living space or simply want to declutter your life to give yourself more independence. Start early, give yourself time to organize, make tough decisions as you go, and don’t be afraid to get rid of duplicate items. In the end, you may find that you feel better - or at least less burdened - after you rid yourself of all that physical baggage.

Stuff just hanging out in the dinning room. It wasn't just a matter of what to do with the stuff.  I had to to first assess what the stuff even was!  

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Ok, now its your turn!  Please comment below with thoughts and suggestions or any best practices you have on this topic.  I personally find it overwhelming  and as you can tell from the pictures above I have many thoughts on this subject.  So many in fact I found it hard to capture my thoughts and needed to pull June in to help us get the conversation going. Let's here your suggestions!  I'll add some of my own thoughts in the comments and we'll see where the topic goes.

Mortality, Loss, and Finding Peace

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is emotional torture.  It can be wretched.  Almost violent in its disruption especially when loss comes as a surprise.  Death can be insufferable for those who are left behind and therefore mortality as a topic is generally avoided.  The mere thought of a loved one dying is enough to send the mind to a dark place.  The idea alone causes enough disrupt that it's often saved for private existential moments.   Even then, those thoughts are often stifled  because losses as such produces a hurt that is better to shirk. Such thoughts are depressing at best.

Unfortunately, as a caregiver you are often forced to face mortality head on.  You become keenly aware that time is a gift and death is around the corner.  Alzheimer's is a terminal illness and having two parents with dementia makes it impossible to avoid the gloom and doom that lingers on the horizon.  The worst part is that this disease voices a slow goodbye.  The daily reminder that I am witnessing active death is mentally and emotionally exhausting.  At the same time, it is unavoidable and rather than waste time distracting myself, I have decide to explore mortality and death's inevitability by embracing it as much as possible.  This obviously is not an easy subject to swallow but I have found a few resources that are nothing short of inspirational.

1. What Really Matters At The End Of Life

This Ted Talk video by BJ Miller, a palliative care physician, is a must!  Seriously, make the time to watch it and discuss it with somebody.  It's incredibly thought provoking and provides some relief from the agony that is death and dying.  If you are confused on what is important for yourself or those you are caring for, you can find some comfort here.  He also confirms something I have been thinking a lot lately; that all things can be cured with cookies!

2. Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End

I read this book by Atul Gawande after several suggestions from friends and I am so glad I did.  The stories compiled in this book shed light on the medical industry and the efforts to prolong life at any cost.  It echos the video above but goes deeper into the perspective that quality of life is equally important if not more important than longevity.  Gawande provides outstanding examples of when to let comfort and dignity triumph over prolonged survival and offers a perspective of hope for many facing impossible decisions.

3. Moving On

If you haven't seen this music video stop what you are doing and watch it right now!  It's so smart and creative and beautifully on topic that I almost cry every time I watch it.  Ainslie Henderson is a genius!

 Everyday is a struggle but discovering resources like the ones above are proving to be a source of comfort during, what you can imagine, is a most uncomfortable time.  I believe that anguish in loss is meant to be therapeutic and that heaving cries are part of tragedy's cleanse.  That being said, it's hard to hold on to pain's authenticity when it's the daily norm but to strip ourselves from tragedy's sorrow seems like cheating the soul.  I don't want to distance myself from the pain of this loss as it diminishes the legacy of my parents memory.  Instead I am moving-in closer, finding comfort in an uncomfortable topic, and seeking out new feelings for what end of life means and the emotional grip it holds on my heart. 

Sundowning & Cinching

My latest hang-up is with Sundown Syndrome.  Sundowning is the term or condition used to describe late day confusion, agitation, and restlessness typically associated with seniors with some form of dementia.   As nightfall approaches the mood in the house changes.  It's my least favorite time of day, where the energy seems to creep with a menacing edge.  My mom gets restless and antsy.  She routinely packs her things and gets temperamental about going "home".  My dad's version is different.  He gets frustrated by everything, curses frequently, and is generally ornery.  All it takes is one false move and the whole house topples into arguing about things that don't make any sense because, well, dementia and Alzheimer's don't make sense.

If you look hard enough, you can find an explanation for everything.  The idea that a concept doesn't make sense is not something culturally we know how to embrace.  Instead we often pick it apart so that we can digest "why".  But why is that? Why can't unexplainable phenomenons exist to defy the comforts of closure and instead lend themselves to the lesson that we don't have to know everything.  We don't need to define our existence with scientific explanations, standardized testing, and the evaluation of quantified data merely to plot a point somewhere on a spectrum.  As much as the identifying knowledge can provide a basis for moving forward, it seems to equally result in a platform to unfairly categorize, label, and make projections on just about any dichotomy. Specifically, normal verse not.

  Is the classic example of Sundowning that much different from what a tired baby experiences around bedtime?  Or the toddler who wants to stay up later and fights you on it even though you yourself know exhaustion is near? Fast forward a few years and think about the frustration, exhaustion, or maybe even the depression you might feel when a day escapes you and you have nothing to show for it.  

I often experience this pensive energy within myself.  It's a general dissatisfaction for things as the day comes to a close where for whatever reason I am moody.  Nothing seems right, no person can fix it, and the upside is the sole fact that sleep will come soon and I can wash myself of this feeling and start fresh again tomorrow.  But then tomorrow comes...  It's all rosy and promising till about noon and suddenly the race is on to accomplish something, anything, so that I might release the burden of my own feelings of life being so lack luster.  This is an absolute case of the blahs.  A shrink would likely label this as depression perhaps with an expensive RX to go with it but what the shrinks don't know is the definition of "cinched".  How do I explain what cinched is when the word itself is not text book material and just some street slang colloquialized by my old roommate?  I am not depressed.  I am just cinched, and the recipe for curing cinching is productivity, accomplishment or exercise as a last-ditch effort to feel different. Now, I am not saying that depression isn't a thing.  It most certainly is and "cinched" falls somewhere on the depression spectrum regardless of the word's actual formality.

My point is we probably all suffer from "sundowning" as the hard wiring of our neurology adjust to the earthly biorhythms that can disrupt circadian rhythm. A day turns to night, summer gives way to winter, and the ocean ebbs and flows.  Our internal clocks must adjust to effectively adapt and at times it's not so easy.  What's to say that sundowning is nothing short of normal considering a senior's loss in mobility and capacity to act on intention.  Seriously, where would we be and what would we talk about without the concept of goals?  As caregivers maybe our job is to provide more stimulus, more activity and help create a sense of accomplishment for the "given" so that they might sink into a rewarding night's sleep and remember that there is no place else they would rather be.

A Rhyme Within Reason

Is it just me, or are we all searching for something?  And by something I mean it in that grander, life's purpose kind-of way that has us all itching for a magic key that unlocks contentment. Contentment, different from "settled" yet settled in a way that allows the passing of each day feel gratifying, accomplished and with the favor of satisfaction that feels like we have earned it.  This is an annoying and haunting itch that scratches away reason and leaves a paranoid residue that times-a-wastin'.

I feel like I have spent so much time chasing down dreams, anxious to get on to the next thing only to wind-up lost and confused as I circle back to some original thought that I have long but abandoned.  And now, as I transition into this role of "caretaker" this cyclical pattern repeats, again, only this time distraction waits at a distance.  Without the flurry of my life's former routine I am forced to address circumstance while equally measuring possibility against the culmination of my experiences, skills, and abilities.  

I know I am smart.  This confusion isn't a matter of insecurities.  I have an undergraduate degree in Human Development and Learning from East Tennessee State University.  I have a master's degree in Central and Eastern European Studies from the prestigious Jagiellonian University in Krakow, Poland with a concentration in social transformation.  I am a Certified Natural Chef thanks to the Nutrition Therapy Institute and upon graduation landed an amazing gig with the Sea Education Association.  There has been no shortage of education or adventure, so like I said, my floundering is not a matter of insecurities. 

All of these things stack nicely in the job department but when you are a caregiver it doesn't matter much.  That dream job within grasp is an illusion because obligations on the home-front come first.  Try explaining that to your would-be employer.  Can you tell I have entered a deep pondering phase?   And it's one thing to ponder the future but it's quite another to give up on those dreams (aka: Grain & Grain) when the reality of this life and this moment, is the cage I must learn to live in.  There is no fun in dreaming dreams that hold no possibility and this is one of the biggest crimes against caring for someone with Alzheimer's and Dementia.  

As a caregiver, it's dangerous to believe in your own ideas because fantasies can break you.  I don't want to see the marketing materials full of smiling faces at assisted living centers or rehab hospitals or any other misguided sales pitch.  I want reality!  I want to see the real life of this disease like the moments captured by Upside Down Daughter.  Show me how bad it can get so I can understand my own capacity and develop a measure for when I need help.  I need to establish my own foundation and understand where it is weak.

The future is bleak for so many reasons but maybe those are projections too?  Maybe the face of pain is actually one of strength and all that work you managed prior to this moment is the foundation for a better you?  A foundation for a future that you are still building and doesn't need to make sense now because it's just the ground layer but its the work necessary to stabilize your future.  If I circle back to 17 years ago that Human Development and Learning degree really laid some ground work.  What at the time seemed the fastest exit strategy from college is now a tool for understanding aging, an interest I guess I have had all along.  That chef certification is used constantly and when combined with the human development knowledge I realize, maybe there is a place for me to help explain diet and age related illnesses.  Maybe social transformation exists within social media and these things are all working together to create my purpose?  Maybe Grain & Grain, my budding business idea of artisan bread baking and wooden spoon carving isn't a dream to abandon, but a passion to explore within the context of my current circumstance? 

What if we don't need to have everything all figured out? What if the quest for purpose isn't something you happen upon, but instead becomes you?  Like with carving spoons, life experience is a tool in the making, taking shape little by little until you have a handle on things and destiny is the dessert, a dessert you created yourself and is sweeter than ever.  Is this self care?  I don't know. I certainly don't have things figured out but as I listen in the stillness and try and calm the restlessness I have moments where I can reflect on my trajectory and I start to wonder if maybe, just maybe...I have arrived?

Persimmon Whip Recipe

Tis the season for persimmons, and anyone out there a little suspicious on how to incorporate them into your comfort zone, this recipe is sure to help.  Hachiya persimmons, hailing from Asia but commonly found in the USA are chalk full of vitamin A, vitamin C, potassium and copper.  You might be curious about that copper bit but the good news is copper is a great anti-inflammatory.  Alzheimer's and dementia are associated with inflammation of the brain so any ingredients contributing to a reduction of inflammation is a good thing.  The same goes for anyone trying to manage symptoms of arthritis.  Seek-out foods with anti-inflammatory properties as a natural approach to assist relief.  Every little bit helps, right?

Ingredients

• 1 ripe Hachiya persimmon
• the juice of 1 lemon
• 1 tsp of honey
• 2 tbsp of olive oil

Directions

1. Cut the persimmon removing the stem and seeds
2. Place in a blender along the other three ingredients
3. Puree until smooth and well combined
4. Taste and adjust slightly if necessary

Persimmon whip with plain Greek yogurt on 7 seed crackers.

The great thing about this recipe is its versatility.  It makes a great spread for crackers or sandwiches and it can be thinned with more oil and converted into a salad dressing.  There is a lot of potential with this whip and the season won' last long. Pick up some persimmons while you have the chance!

Rules for "how to feed a senior"...

Rule #2: Hydrate!

Dehydration in seniors is a major concern.  It pretty much leads to problems you can imagine like dizziness and weakness but then there are a ton of others that you would never realize are connected. What really scares me is a Urinary Tract Infection.  Have you seen the movie Crash?  Do you remember how you hated Matt Dillon’s character as that horrible cop until they gave you a glimpse of his home life and saw the struggles he was up against with his father’s UTI?  So much perspective and all of it sad, sad, sad… 

The issues around incontinence are hard enough to deal with but dealing with a senior UTI freaks me out!  I can’t imagine it; I don’t want to imagine it and therefore we have all become a bunch of drinkers.  My mom is way into Diet Coke which I absolutely detest and can’t help but wonder if all that aspartame is somehow connected to her Alzheimer’s now.  Science maybe hasn’t said so, but it’s completely artificial and I don’t trust it.  Unfortunately, she is not all that impressed with water so it’s helpful to jazz it up a bit.  Garnishings can do wonders!  I doctor up a pitcher of water with whatever fruit I have on hand until it looks like party and then, wouldn’t you know it, everybody wants some.

Cheers!

Sundays...

Perhaps the Morrissey song is better titled because everyday really is like Sunday, but Willie does a better job defining the mood.  The mornings here are almost always good.  If there is ever an opposite of Sundowners then it should aptly be named Moon Stars Syndrome and refer to the casual awakening of possibility in a day. Spirits are always high, the coffee is always hot, and a runny yolk is almost always around the corner.

Caregiving gets a bad rap.  People don't realize the best parts of the weekend can be experienced every day.  Lazy mornings on the couch or awake but still in bed are comfortable routines anyone can get used to.  Time is for the taking and my thoughts are filled with what to make of what remains, a luxury my old life rarely afforded.  Obviously, all this idleness means it’s time to create this guy a garden! 

Senior Pantry Staple: Grapes

The Red Ones...

Managing the kitchen is a constant for every household but throw in some Alzheimer's and suddenly the place is on lock-down.  Keeping-up with the pantry rummaging and squirreling away of things in odd places has any caregiver feeling like the full-time chief of police. "Stop right there and show me your pockets!" Ugh... More often than not my heart sinks as I discover a bounty of gross.  Used tissues, some coins, a pair of tweezers, hair pins and  food all commingling together in a pocket.  And to think people complain about doing laundry.  As police chief I am ready to engage in a full-on pat down, and strip the clothes right off my mom, right there in the kitchen to learn what other incidentals she might be harboring on her person. 

The food squirreling is a major source of frustration for me.  I won't begin to list the items of concern but instead tell you a little trick that has helped me.  Let me reiterate the word little here because, well,  every little bit counts right?  

Grapes. Every week I buy red grapes and portion a small bunch in a bowl and keep an eye on them as they go missing.  As they run low, I replenish with another bunch from the fridge. Doing this allows me to monitor the pace of consumption/squirreling while also allowing for the safe opportunity of "discovery" that on some level I believe rummaging satisfies. 

Why Grapes?

The grapes for me offer several benefits...

1. They are fine left out in the open. Whereas other food items run the risk of spoiling, attracting bugs or becoming stale as the packaging is left open, grapes  do an amazing job pulling their weight on the counter with little supervision.
2. The dog takes no interest.  Unlike a pocket of pretzels or nuts, or my least favorite, a f***ing breakfast sandwich, the dog could care less about the grapes.  This is actually a big deal considering we have a large dog that can be a bit demanding with his wants. As my mother completely gives in to his begging, the risk to his health and her's increases.  Which will happen first?  She poisons him or he knocks her down?  Both tragic, so best to avoid.
3. Resveratrol.  The skin of red grapes contains this antioxidant that is trending in health related news these days.  It is paraded as an anti-inflammatory and touted as a benefit to ward off cancer, heart disease, aid in cognitive abilities and more which you can read about here.   The science behind resveratrol is apparently convincing enough that it has been formulated as a supplement and available in pill form.  But do you really need another pill in your life?  Or maybe the better question is, do you really want more of your money going to the pharmaceutical industry?  Stop the insanity, and just eat some grapes. They are the real deal.
4. Red.  I came across this article recently that provided some insight  on the visual capacities for patients with Alzheimer's.  (Hehehehe!  Get it?  In sight?! So punny, I know...)  Red appears to be a favored color for this crowd in that it is the easiest color in the spectrum to see so, skip the green ones and bring on the reds!

Patterns/Repetition

At times I wonder whose brain is really the one in question.  Is it my parents’ with this diagnosis, or my own going nonstop, constantly seeking a way out?  With Alzheimer’s it’s all about amyloid this and tau that, proteins in the brain causing communication disruptions.  Sure, science is leading that charge, but who is navigating the field for the home front? 

The day in and day out of my routine here makes me question what misfires are happening in my own head, yielding a more personal version of “cognitively challenged”. Follow my mom or dad around for a day and you will quickly realize something is off.  But following me around following them and the story gets more interesting. 

Apparently, I too am someone that cannot grasp “learning” as I am the one repeatedly irritated that the refrigerator door is left open.  Again!  This repetition angers me.  I am frustrated with the patterns that they are somehow bound to repeat and for whatever reason, I struggle in learning how to accept this. Struggle with remembering that this is their illness.  Each and every time I scold in hast, reprimanding actions, that I should know by know they cannot help.  Where is my own logic?  What has become of my own common sense?  Why is it that I am also bound to repeat these patterns?

 “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein