By Ashley Look
The conversation you’re not having but need to is the one about your parents stuff. What are you going to do with their things? What items are considered keepsakes? What can be donated? How much of the decision should be your responsibility and to what extent will it be worth your time? Here is a gentle nudge to help you begin one of the most important discussion you might ever have with your folks.
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Paper acknowledging and family heirloom that was lost due to my mother’s Alzheimer’s Disease.
About four months into my caregiver journey I came across this piece of paper in my parents house. Its discovery was painful for so many reason. For one, my mother no longer remembered me. The Alzheimer’s had erased her memory and she no longer recognized me as her daughter. In addition to that cruelty was another sense of loss. The paper was loose. Attached to some token at one point but in discovery, it was merely scrap. Whatever treasure was to be passed down for progeny remains a mystery. The “family heirloom” in my mind is now the paper itself. It’s a modicum of memory thanks to the handwriting; her handwriting, and the awareness that the intent of posterity was cloaked in a mother’s love. I wish I knew what the heirloom was but that piece of paper has become my keepsake.
“Family Heirloom for Ashley Look 10/31/88”
Being thrust into the intense world of caregiving when I was just beginning to understand adulthood, forced me to explore the “value” of things. I was tasked with downsizing our family home (see photos here) and overwhelmed by the decision-making process. Sentimental value can be found in just about any item that sparks a memory and no amount of reading KonMari books will make that magically disappear. Determining worth is discriminatory and decision includes moral hazard. Over the course of my family purge I questioned if I was making mistakes. Would I regret my decisions and later be haunted by the legacy of items no longer in my possession? Without sound guidance from my parents (my father was also suffering from dementia at the time), I was required to sift through their belongings using equal parts Ebay, personal judgement, and observations from weekly garbage days when a neighborhood truck would make the rounds picking up items left out for the trash.
Fast forward a few years and the house has been reclaimed from under the mountain of stuff, much of which was in fact trash. I saved a number of things that were obvious keepsakes and a few less than obvious treasures like the scrap paper above. But mostly I’ve held on to an awareness that the stuff we allow into our space deserves our honor and warrants the right to occupy our attention or time. Stuff is stuff, yet materialism, although fun in a moment, is often a headache later, especially when clouded by sentimentality.
I’ve thought long and hard about lineage and legacy, and the antiquity of our belongings. I’ve often wondered what I’d save of my own belongings if the house was burning down. As a “maker” my mind goes to my spoons. I’d save my work from becoming fuel as these are the things that are my legacy. They are the investments of my labor, my craftsmanship, and time represented in hand. Upon my death my Will might include a beneficiary for the spoons. They are perhaps my most important material items and why right now, I feel moved to right this. Yesterday, I lost one.
My most beloved, hand carved, Applewood spoon that I carved on a farm in Vermont which became the cornerstone of my personal brand and business. It would have been my offering as a family heirloom to the generations that follow.
If I was to leave behind a single heirloom from my life it would be/would have been this spoon. It’s on my business card, it’s my logo, it’s the only one I have refused to sell. It’s made of Applewood from an orchard in Vermont and was carved on the land where I first learned how to spoon carve, a practice that has since become my therapy. Unfortunately it took a tumble yesterday, and broke right at the neck. My brother accidentally bumped the display while moving a shelf (part of the endless house downsizing project) and in that moment knew he had destroyed something of value. Before I even knew what had happened he was alarmed with concern, approaching me with hesitation and repeating “You’re gonna kill me.” Of all the spoons to break, it was my most favorite, the one that represents so much to me…
The heart breaking remains of my most beloved personal treasure. The Applewood spoon which I personally hand carved, took a tumble and broke into two pieces right at the neck.
But of course, stuff is just stuff, and the irony lingers like a cruel reminder that loss and grief are inescapable even after you’ve made your peace. This broken spoon feels like a death in that family which I suspect many won’t understand. But losing the thing that supported me through losing my family hurts, even if it’s an inanimate object. It’s not the spoon but what the spoon represented, and the emotional relationship between hand and craft varies little from the relationship between my parents and their end of life care. It was a very long and grueling, emotional journey and I owe my sanity to spoon carving. Caregiving and end of life care are journeys of the heart, as are stories of birth. This spoon was a beginning and it’s painful to see its end.
I’ve been working on some service related content for this website. I created something for caregivers knowing they are struggling with minimal support. I’ve also created a service for posterity knowing all too well that loved ones are ephemeral. I’ve also been working towards an online spoon carving course and for whatever reason, I can’t seem to finish it. In part I think that’s because spoon carving is my self-care and so many wounds remain fresh. It’s difficult to discuss how to carve spoons when the why feels more important. How do I convey the how of “healing” when grief runs eternal? Stay tuned however because I do plan to complete it. At the heart of any spoon is the bowl, and the stress in what it carries is the neck. The irony is the reminder that it’s time to get back to it, keeping a handle on the chaos of time…
I know I can glue this spoon. It’s not the end of the world. But long story short, not everything that breaks can be fixed. Life and loss are tough pills to swallow and I’m tired of the cultural expectation to choke hardship down gracefully. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to be angry… It’s OK to not be OK, with or without an excuse. Feelings aren’t always rational and it’s far time we recognize that our pains are valid regardless of how they measure in comparison. Our struggles are not competitions so let’s stop pretending to keep it together because it makes others feel more comfortable. Life and loss are uncomfortable and moving on quickly enables culture to dismiss the legacies of the ones that left too soon. We should honor them with pause and revel in what remains. Heirlooms are like the architecture of one’s memory. Items aren’t special because of what they are but who they represent…
Rest in peace you heavy hearts. Rest up and take love!
When forced to stay home, it can be hard to stay organized but a little bit of structure goes a long way.
What-up folks!
Isolation issues got you down? If the stay-at-home orders, quarantines, and and all things social distancing have created a blur of your life, fear not! I have cracked the code on tracking time and have some suggestions for how you can stay organized while staying at home. During my five years of housebound caregiving, I learned a bit about defining structure when time seems irrelevant. The Wednesdayness of days becomes a struggle when there’s no real beginning or end and that’s what this post will address. The structure below helped me conceptualize each week with an element of flow and thereby removing that sense of stagnation and monotony. It’s not rocket science but it still took me about two and a half years to find a formula that worked. What I realized was every day observed through the eye of time was inconsequential. What made a difference was having a rhythm to each week and applying that rhythm cyclically in the face of time. This is what restored my sense of purpose over the long term. I’m sure most of you don’t want to wait two plus years to figure-out a personal strategy so I’m gonna share my tips below so you can immediately attempt to protect your sanity. I’ve provided sections for how I like to think about both life and fitness within the days of the week, and then I cycle through the themes week after week. And please don’t mistake this as some productivity challenge or something. It’s not a tool meant to achieve everything on your list. It’s just a different perspective for organizing the day to day which for me, was the thing that kept my mental health intact for years when I couldn’t leave the house.
Before we jump into the meat of this post, let’s get clear on one thing real quick. We all need to calm the F down. To think anyone can simply make a sweeping adjustment of lifestyle on a dime is absurd. We aren’t even a month into this Coronalife train wreck and I can sense the communal freak-out of everyone scrambling to keep life somewhat “normal”. Stop doing that! Just S T O P. Nothing about this is normal and you are wasting time living in denial. Although this might seem like a slow moving car crash as we watch it unfold day by day, in truth it’s a sudden and dramatic change that deserves a significant pause to check for life-altering wounds. Anyone that’s experienced whiplash knows, a pain in the neck can be a significant blow, even when the neck’s not broken. So, rather than dive into online work meetings and the home-schooling curriculum, take a good hard look at your situation and determine the safety and security of your family unit. Create a budget and assess your resources. And resources are not exclusively financial. Does someone in your household cook? Food security is important right now as we all try and limit our trips outside the home. Who’s the tech guru? Is there someone in the house that easily understands computers? (Might be your kid.) How about cleaning, or home repair, or just best at not touching their face? When you really start assessing your situation, different strengths and weakness will emerge that will help guide your momentum forward but it’s important to take in the big picture. You need that macro perspective of your new normal before thinking about thriving in it. Quarantine and social distancing measure might very well be here for months, if not longer, so I encourage you all to take the necessary time to asses your situation so you can, with a rational mind, make smart decisions.
And now for your sanity…
I know many of you are falling victim to the nothingness of life in isolation and this was a huge problem for me until I figured out a schedule that helped me manage the time. I’m now acutely aware of how external accountability was the force behind everything I did prior to becoming a caregiver. We hold ourselves to deadlines, social norms, and even hygiene imposed by our relationships to others. But stripped of that external influence, it’s quickly apparent that we often take those things for granted as well as having little regard for personal standards. And now, even our self-discipline is being publicly questioned as phone surveillance highlights our (in)ability to follow social-distancing guidelines. Perhaps this is just proof that we are our own worst company… Escaping the house might be the craving for fresh air, or essential needs, or perhaps it’s the very real threat of abuse, in which case, you need to stop reading my suggestions and click here. But, another significant itch to break free from lockdown, is to relieve the frustrations around the nothingness. Seeking external stimulation is a way to stave off boredom because life has become either dissatisfying or uninteresting. But good news! Boredom is mental. With a little bit of structure and personal accountability you can beat the boredom and escape the nothingness! Seriously, addressing your mental health right now is the key to not only survive this pandemic but potentially thrive within the circumstances. You need to adapt and you need to do it quickly because we are all counting on you. The whole world is literally counting on YOU to uphold social order by social distancing and it’s time for us all to get our heads on straight and do our part.
Below are my suggestions for how to go about making your day to day more manageable. It’s one thing to say we “should” all become full-time homebodies but seeing as this is new for most folks it’s difficult without some sort of how-to outline So, here’s an outline. I can’t stress it enough when I say the structure needs to work for you so adapt it as necessary. It’s also worth noting that I prefer this structure, because it’s dynamic and changes every day unlike many of the suggested schedules I have seen floating around online. The feeling of flowing or having a rhythm to the week is important in regards to time and a schedule that offers the same structure repeatedly is going to lead right back to boredom. This structure is cyclical with its themes so it does repeat, however it requires unique brain work each day thereby supporting your mental health with a dose of self-care. You Ready?
This is the mail, the bills, paperwork, phone calls, etc... All the stuff that's keeping the household afloat. It's all the stuff of modern nightmares that feels overwhelming while it sits on a desk or counter-top somewhere keeping the clutter alive. I find dealing with this administrative type stuff frustrating and equally time consuming but it's important. It’s the last thing I typically choose to work on which is why I put it right up front, so I can get it out of the way and put the dread behind me for the rest of the week. Nonetheless, tackling this stuff is the flashlight for darkness. When you move through these tasks, you get a good picture of your state of affairs, allowing you to consciously move forward from there. And it really doesn’t matter right now if you are working from home or a stay-at-home mom. We are all stay-at-home people right now, trying our best to keep some level of normalcy. Attending to the tedious stuff and staying organized will help keep your situation healthy. Take the time to open and sort the mail. Take the time to create the zoom account, do your taxes, or download that delivery app. Make the day your personal administrative day and use it to manage the household as a business. There are a lot of moving parts right now but the most important thing you can do is get a grip with your housebound life. As the week unfolds and administrative affairs start to pile back up, make a note to address those things next Monday. Avoid the trap of dealing with this stuff throughout the week because it will consume you, you’ll get bored and then you’ll start ignoring it. That’s when things fall through the cracks. Just stay the course and I promise you that week over week, you’ll regain a sense of control and feel better about sheltering in place.
When it comes to physical health I like to make Mondays my cardio day. Why? Because similarly to turning on the light, cardio is the equivalents of turning on the engine. It’s the beginning of the week and I like the idea of firing-up the “machine”. Think of your body as your work computer. You start it up on Monday and typically leave it on till Friday. That initial surge of power is what boots your computer and I found it helpful to think of the body in the same way. If I can get the blood pumping early in the week, it sets me up for success. I call that a win! And when you “win” Monday you pretty much win the week. And I know how everyone hates Monday but as the days pass, and you find yourself living in the perpetual Wednesday, Mondays will start to taste a little bit sweet just knowing that they mark the definitive start to the next cycle. Oh, and speaking of machines… don’t forget to start your car!
I designate Tuesdays for research type stuff. By this I mean I take the time to “figure-out” the things. This might look like conducting an inventory, or Youtubing how to fix the dryer, scouring Pinterest for a new recipe, or ugh…researching unemployment benefits?! The investigative process also eats a way at our time and often keeps us from improving our lives in some way because we don’t prioritize the chance to learn. Researching things takes time and is an essential component in educating ourselves. If you want to learn the thing, you have to study the thing or at least give it some amount of research to develop comfortability.
So… Tuesday! If you had a successful Monday then you likely embraced some new information. For example, just because you downloaded the Robinhood app to start day trading or joined the Postmate Fleet to offer local deliveries doesn’t always mean your comfortable using them. So why not take the day to schedule in some learning. Or why not take the day to figure out how you are going to respond to all those emails? Or pay those bills? Unless you’re a healthcare worker or city manager of some kind, you can afford to slow down. Panicking won’t get you very far. It might even get you hurt so just slow down, take a deep breath and explore your options when it comes to doing X, Y, and Z.
Why should you do upper body on Tuesdays? Because it’s still early in the week. Obligations remain heavy at this time, meaning, you still have a lot to do before you get to the weekend. For me that feels like “weight” on my shoulders so I just go with it. Tuesdays in my mind are still an uphill battle and I just put that concept to work physically with attention to my upper body on that day. It might sound strange but this logic works for me. For the first time ever I felt a sense of… alignment? It sounds crazy but something about matching my body-work to the cultural work flow really meshed. And the best part is eliminating the “what am I gonna do today” headache. Previously, I would spend mental energy developing my “workout strategy”, somehow trying to devise my exercise plan, only to feel exhausted by what I was going to do, rather than the exercises themselves. This concept removed the issue of what. If its Tuesday, then I know I’m doing arms. I can drop and do some push-ups, or squeeze in some dips, and then move on to other things more deserving of my mental space.
Wednesday Shemednsday…
It feels like everyday is a Wednesday right now. But, this is why I think Wednesday deserves a little love. It’s the center of the week so why not make it the center of your life? Hear me out…
If Wednesday is the center, then it also implies balance and with so much talk of work/life balance, even before the Rona, why not let Wednesday become that day for things you love? For me this consists of spoon carving, bread making, pressing flowers, and other crafty endeavors that reflect my passions. They are only hobbies but with the consistent nurturing of them, they have grown into much more. Spoon carving has since grown into a small business and bread baking helped me connect with new friends through the Full Moon Baking Club. Neither of these things saved anyone’s life but my own, and I mean that in the sense that they gave me a creative outlet in which to enjoy the monotony of time stuck at home. I no longer make excuses for why I haven’t gotten to the fun projects on my back burner. I just do them on Wednesdays, intentionally allowing them a spot on my calendar, smack dab in the middle of everything, right where they belong.
The emptiness of this time will consume you without a plan that considers activities you find fulfilling. (Hashtag retirement?) It’s important that you hang-on to the things you love or else you could lose yourself to the tedium of routine. This entire schedule attempts to eliminate much of that dreariness but it also offers a chance for you to dive deeper into those forgotten favorites, and reshape priorities that better align with your personal values. That’s something worth exploring and you should take advantage of it while the time is available.
I’m guessing you know where this is headed. Core work! Yep. If you’re in the middle of the week, work the middle of yourself, and that can include the abs and back exercises of your choice. Personally, I don’t think it matters much which specific exercises you do so long as you do them. Again, for me the hard part was determining what to work-out and with that out of the way, I am free to just do the sets that pop into mind. It’s also fairly easy to recall the previous weeks exercises since I only do them one day a week and therefore switch it up a bit to keep things interesting. But this is not rocket science. This is literally as dumbed down as it gets because the whole point is not to over think it. It’s not that hard to come-up with a couple core exercises you can do at home. You got this.
Community Outreach seems a bit weird in the age of social distancing but you’d be surprised how much of it remains. Remember all those emails you opened on Monday? Well, today’s your day to respond if you haven’t all ready. Give yourself this time to connect with the necessary people in your world. This is you being proactive. Send out the memo, schedule the appointment, make the phone call, do the launch… This is all stuff you are pushing out and into the world to give it shape on your own terms. If Mondays are the defensive days where you respond to what been coming “in”, then Thursdays are for playing offense and the ball’s in your court. Take your shot. Push your energy out. Exercise your own leadership by making things happen, especially on Thursdays!
At this point we are over the hump. If you can imagine the work week as this mountain and Wednesday was the peak, Thursday has us coming down the other side. And although the stress of that uphill battle is behind you, you still need to make it down the mountain without collapsing. For me, that means leg day! Squats, lunges, what have you. It’s a good day for leg work because again, the alignment is there to flow with the rhythm of the week, allowing for some relative ease in the process. Why swim upstream when you can float down it? It’s just easier. And I don’t know about you guys but I’m not in the mood for more challenges at the moment. Life is hard enough and I’m just trying to keep all the components intact. Go with the flow…
You are so close to the weekend at this point that chances are slim you have the mental capacity to deal with anything that feels “work” related. So why not just accept that? Even if you’ve managed to keep your job, working from home has caused everything to slow down. I don’t see the harm in accepting life for how it is. So rather than pretend you’re going to actually do work on this day, I would encourage you to switch gears and focus on making your house feel homey. If your gonna be stuck mostly inside, you might as well make the space comfortable. Spend some time organizing or tiding up. This doesn’t mean going on an epic purge, all Marie Kondo style. That actually sounds like a lot of f’ing work. Instead, take the day to focus on the weekend. Get your place ready for some downtime. I know many of you utilize the weekends for chores and such but that actually destroys the integrity of the weekend. And we’ll get to more on that in a minute but for now, allow yourself the virtue of easing into the next phase of your week which ideally is slower, less productive, and a well deserved break, in order to recover and start again. That being said, I find you must take initiative to protect those days or it doesn’t happen and the best way I’ve found to do that, is by being proactive before it arrives. Anticipate the weekend! Make it something to look forward to regardless of not being able to go anywhere.
Oh snap! It’s the home stretch so obviously, stretching is on the menu. Easing into the weekend with power lifting or some intense cardio just doesn’t do it for me. I’m more inclined to run to happy hour than run for health and that’s just how it it is. Can’t say that I’m proud of that but I’m also over pretending I’m anyone different than who I am. I’m not someone that’s in love with working out. It’s more like maintenance. It’s just something I have to do like vacuuming or paying bills and this strategy not only makes the whole idea of “fitness” more tolerable for me, it has also enabled me to stick with a “program” that works. I hate to even call it a “program” because I just made it up out of the desperate need to find a routine that both worked at home and my 10,000 excuses. And, if you are anything like me, you might have similar tendencies and to that I say, grab the wine and get on your mat! Take a sip, lay down and then roll around loosening all the tight spots. This doesn’t have to be a full blown yoga routine. It’s just a little somethin somethin to close-out the week with a small nod to health before the weekend debauchery!
Debauchery say wha?! Yeah. Pretty much…
Ok, here’s the thing about Saturdays. Remember above, where I said tasks and chores were ruining the integrity of the weekend? Well here’s why… When you neglect to protect a place for rest in your schedule then you always live from the place of “catch-up”. Meaning, if you always have something scheduled then you leave yourself no room to go back. You’re on a constant cycle of churn and burn and either exhaustion or boredom will squash even the best intentions. However, if you have a day that serves as a “free space”, that gives you an entire day to catch-up on anything you missed during the week. There is a difference between scheduling tasks that should get done, verse choosing tasks because you have the time. Although they may look similar in action, the difference is in the feeling when pursuing activities as a choice. The freedom of being able to say yes or no is the privileged you have over protecting your mental health. You can’t do all the things, all the time. To ignore your own desires, is you giving away your power to influence your environment. I’m not saying to ignore pressing needs cause again, you have the freedom to address them if you choose. I’m just suggesting you make room to explore your energetic slack. It’s not only ok to give yourself a break, it’s important to acknowledge the monotony of life right now has its own grind and can wear you down.
Dude. It’s no rule. If I were you, I’d up the ante on indulgence! Make cinnamon rolls and drink a beer, all while binging on Netflix in pajamas. Let go of regimen, just for the day, and relish in the chance to explore what you fancy. Take the day off so you can get back to the workweek recovered and with the strength for self-discipline. That discipline part is an increasingly important component in adapting to our new normal, so use this day as a life exhale. If you missed some exercises from earlier in the week then go for it, if you’re game. But if not, then don’t do it, and don’t feel guilty. The best part of this style of “cyclical” training is that you can theoretically skip an entire week of exercise but convince yourself you really only skipped a day. How ya like that logic? It’s good right?! ;)
This is for whatever needs to happen to prepare for the coming week. For me this includes things like laundry, groceries, cleaning any common areas that got destroyed in my Saturday bender… I also tend to bake a bread, or make a big meal that will provide for a few days of leftovers. Most this stuff you could defined as chores but they’re the kind of things that prepare you for a strong start, rolling into the next cycle. A little prep on Sundays can go a long way to starting the week out on the right foot.
It’s depressing to think we lost our sense of purpose just because we’ve lost our jobs. That’s really just a misunderstanding. By redefining your schedule to reflect your needs, absent of the clock is a step towards reconnecting with your values. Jobs are not an indication of self worth. That’s just the mind f*ck and the confusion, depressions and paralysis you’re feeling in the shake-up is just the bangover between now and what’s next. The best thing we can do during the interim, is prepare ourselves for hard times but it’s hard to prepare anything without a plan. So take the time… Take the day to think about what you’re going to tackle tomorrow so when you get-up in the morning you have the beginnings of an action plan.
Meditate!
Yeah… I don’t do it either but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea. However, if that’s not your thing there are lots of other ways to use your brain. My go-to is books. I like reading and typically do so at night before bed which means I usually fall asleep on the same paragraph every night. I really only get ahead by taking some time on Sundays to read on the couch. Twenty minutes turns into two hours and next thing you know, I’m so sucked into the story, that I’m staying up all night just to finish. I’ve also gotten back into journaling. I’ve gone through phases where I’d keep a journal, mostly while traveling, or going through a break-up or some situation that I need help processing. Journaling helps me get the drama out so I could move on with whatever. And ya know what? This appears to be one of those times. I don’t know about you all but my mind has been racing with thoughts for weeks now and it’s nice to have a place to park them other than Facebook or Instagram. My point is it’s helpful to have a constructive distraction. Be it a puzzle, a book, or even a bath; engage in something that offers a mental escape.
Alright, I know this is beyond long and I’m trying to wrap this up while the pandemic is still relevant. But before I leave you to digest my mental vomit, I want to stress the importance of ADAPTABILITY during this time. We are not in a healthcare crisis or an economic crisis or whatever type of institutional crisis they are gonna throw at us. We are in a national state of emergency which means chaos is on all fronts. If you go to sleep now it’s going to be hard to catch-up so I urge you all to stay aware of the pace of change even if you don’t feel it directly. The lag in our cultural mentality is at threat with our cultural conscience. The fact that the virus is rolling out in waves means some parts of the country won’t understand the severity of the crisis until well after some states have peaked. The peak is not the end. Every state will have to come down the other side and just as we’ve seen some states lag in response, we’ll likely also experience fledgling anticipation to get back to life before it’s safe. The point of this post is to provide you with some tools for how to be ok with being home for potentially a very long time. It’s one thing for officials to tell us that staying home is in our best interest but without tools and coping mechanisms, I fear we’re set-up for failure. I am not an expert on surviving a pandemic but I have a lot of experience to adapting to sudden and isolating change so, these are my tips. I hope they are helpful and I hope some of you have tips of your own that you’d be willing to share. People are going to struggle with this and their success directly influences our ability to move beyond this virus. Share your thoughts! Share your feelings. This is a time to share and connect and guide each other with compassion. Comparisons don’t matter. Race, gender, class… none of that matters. This is a human experience; one with the largest unifying opportunity we might ever experience in our lifetime. It will include anger and grief, and perhaps most importantly vulnerability. How we treat each other during this time will shape our culture for years to come. I’m begging you to act with your heart.
Take love you good people!
Almost 20 years after I moved out, this is what became of my childhood bedroom.
Hey there!
June and I are back with some tips for downsizing seniors. This is actually much easier said than done and I can say this with certainty as I've now spent the last three years bringing a sense of order to the house I grew-up in. It was never the most organized of homes but as my parents health declined, the house grew further and further from any sense of security. Their slide into dementia and Alzheimer's was increasingly complicated by the sheer presence of stuff.
Stuff I realize is often a sore subject. Those that have it, struggle getting rid of it and those that inherit it feel burdened by the responsibility of managing it. Seniors and youth often find themselves at odds. Arguments about the value of antiques and heirlooms need to be measured alongside the expense of missed work, cost of storage, and the cost of transportation. It's not that the youth of today value low quality items made in China or whatever the case may be, but rather the youth of today are in fact working and providing for their own families and have purchased their own belongings as time and means allowed. As any generation with the privileged to afford goods, they purchase items that speak to them with regard to their personal taste, budget, and space. The assumption that items will be passed on and swapped out can belittle the hard work one took to establish their own household and I encourage seniors to pause before assuming younger generations will want their wares. I would also encourage younger generations to ask questions and learn the history behind family belongings as many items are valuable because of their stories.
Part storage, part childhood...
Needless to say, "stuff" is a complicated subject for families and June from Rise Up for Caregivers is here with a handful of tips to help give the process of downsizing some momentum. Read hers below and please share any you have discovered. Decluttering and downsizing can be a massive undertaking so please don't hold back on suggestions!
For seniors, there are plenty of reasons to need to downsize - you’re moving to a smaller home, moving to an assisted living community, decluttering to make aging in place easier, or simply because you want to get rid of some things and streamline your life. Whatever the reason, it’s never a pleasant task to begin, however, the results are usually rewarding. Here are some tips to make it more manageable.
This is a trick to figure out exactly what you use and what you don’t. If you have a month or two to spare (before a move, for instance), pack up like items into boxes. Put all of your kitchen gadgets, electronic gadgets, and other gadget-like items in their own boxes. Now, over the course of the next couple of months, take out the items as you need them. What’s left in the box after a few weeks are items you probably don’t need. Do note, this works best for “useable” items. There are plenty of things that you won’t “use” in the course of a month that you still want to keep like photos, jewelry, and other sentimental items.
When it comes to books, DVDs, CDs, and other types of collections, we can amass more than we know what to do with by the time we are seniors. One way to make downsizing these collections easier is to institute a one in, one out rule. For every one you keep, throw one out (or donate it).
This tip is crucial if you’re moving to a retirement community, where you’ll have significantly less living and storage space. Have a loved one go to your new space and measure everything - closets included. Make a quick sketch of the floor plan and then get to work planning where everything will go. Once you have a place for everything you truly need in your new retirement community space, it’ll be easier to part with the stuff that simply cannot fit.
Downsizing is about getting rid of physical items to unburden yourself and create more space, but that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of memories. Use internet storage to your advantage. If you have a bunch of old photo albums or scrapbooks, think about scanning these images into a computer and uploading them to an online photo storage site (here are some of the best). If you have other keepsakes and mementos, take photos of them and get rid of the physical item. This will allow you to keep the memory, but ditch the bulky items. More on downsizing your photo collections here.
When deciding what to keep, what to throw away, and what to donate, you should make those decisions as you pack and organize. Ditch the “maybe” pile. If you allow yourself the option of not making a decision on an item, you’re much more likely to keep it later on. If you truly want to downsize, you have to make hard choices as you go.
Downsizing is always going to be stressful. For many, it can be downright emotional. Getting rid of possessions is never going to be easy, but it’s vital if you’re moving to a smaller living space or simply want to declutter your life to give yourself more independence. Start early, give yourself time to organize, make tough decisions as you go, and don’t be afraid to get rid of duplicate items. In the end, you may find that you feel better - or at least less burdened - after you rid yourself of all that physical baggage.
Stuff just hanging out in the dinning room. It wasn't just a matter of what to do with the stuff. I had to to first assess what the stuff even was!
Ok, now its your turn! Please comment below with thoughts and suggestions or any best practices you have on this topic. I personally find it overwhelming and as you can tell from the pictures above I have many thoughts on this subject. So many in fact I found it hard to capture my thoughts and needed to pull June in to help us get the conversation going. Let's here your suggestions! I'll add some of my own thoughts in the comments and we'll see where the topic goes.