By Ashley Look
There is no greater joy than realizing you still have the ability to surprise yourself. That’s what happened... One New Year’s Eve, several years ago, I made a resolution to learn how to bake my own bread and never looked back. Now I want to help you on your own bread baking journey of self-discovery.
Read MoreWhenever I need a cleanse of sorts, I return to making this Restorative Miso Soup recipe for a nutritional boost to my system. It’s light and earthy broth is grounding when life feels overwhelming.
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Helping seniors prepare for the funeral process is a must.
Helping seniors, or anyone for that matter, prepare for a funeral is an emotional yet necessary responsibility. Luckily, How To Feed A Senior is welcoming back Harry Cline, creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers to help prepare us for one of life’s most difficult journeys. I feel fortunate to have Harry here to shed light on a day that is so full of darkness. After laying both my parents to rest I’ve found myself wanting to share a bit about the process but lost on where to begin. I’m happy to have Harry synthesize some important tips and I’ll include some personal thoughts at the bottom.
Here’s Harry!
Photo by Francesco Corbisiero on Unsplash
On average, there are 2.4 million funerals held every year in the United States, and the typical cost of burying someone is between $7,000 and $10,000. But neither of those statistics take into account the emotional weight of losing a loved one, or the intricacies of the funeral-planning process. Since the average life expectancy in the US is 78.6 years, it would seem that a great number of older adults either attend funerals or bury spouses or partners. If you’re in that demographic and you haven’t been through this process, read on for some thoughts on how to prepare for a funeral and how to cope with grief and loss.
The shock of losing a spouse can be extraordinarily painful. People often wrestle with feelings of loss and grief, sometimes for years afterwards. (Increasingly, too, those people are women, who outlive men across the world.) Managing to get through the funeral-planning process can be intricate. Here are just some questions to ask in this process:
Who is handling the death certificate?
What arrangements need to be made?
How is payment to be tendered?
What were the last wishes of the deceased?
Which pallbearers need to be contacted?
Who will send out the funeral announcements?
Who is going to be in touch with the funeral director?
The list goes on. That’s why it’s important to start this process early, even if you’re swamped with grief. So, it’s equally important to have a number of friends and loved ones around you to help you through this time.
For many people, the day of the funeral of their spouse or partner can be surreal. You still feel like he or she is with you, you’re surrounded by people all expressing their condolences, and you’re quickly exhausted. A lot of that is inevitable. But there are some things you can do that can help the day go smoothly. These include being prepared to give a eulogy well in advance so that you’re comfortable speaking in front of a crowd, or delegating someone else to speak on your behalf. Also, figure out what to wear. This may sound trivial, but being in nice-fitting clothing will make you feel at ease around all the people who come up to share a few words with you. (On that note, it goes a long way if you wear shoes with strong supports, because you may find yourself standing for hours, and your feet and ankles will quickly tire.) Finally, anticipate all the factors you can’t control: You will have to talk to a lot of people, some of whom you may not want to see, and others might share awkward or inappropriate condolences. With all that you’re going through, it’s always okay to simply end the conversation, and to retire to another room when you feel overwhelmed.
After the funeral, think about the long-term decisions that will affect you after losing your partner or spouse. You can expect to experience a low appetite, difficulty sleeping, problems concentrating, and a hard time making decisions. During this period, try above all to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, and get the recommended amount of sleep (7-8 hours for adults 65+). Tap into your support group to stay around friends and loved ones. Consider going to a grief support group, talking to a counselor, or signing up for a retreat in a monastery or other house or worship, if it puts you at peace. Adjusting back to a sense of normalcy following the funeral will take time, but eventually, you’ll find yourself prepared for the future.
Now, what I can tell you from Harry’s questions above, is that I was the person coordinating things. My mom passed rather unexpectedly which is to say I was not prepared. The only information I knew about her wishes was that she wanted a party. And how could she not?! She was a florist and a party planner so I knew our funeral would be a celebration of her life. However, no one mentioned the exorbitant expense surrounding this day. It cost me more than $8,000 just to bury her and that did not not include flowers or memorial services.
If you take away only one thing from my experience let it be awareness regarding death as an industry. The funeral business is a business and you will spend a fortune on a casket, burial plot, services held and obituaries printed, let alone any flowers or receptions you might want to hold in your loved one’s honor. Any emotional burden weighing on you during such times will only be compounded by the financial obligation that’s nothing short of a kick when you’re down. Additionally the pace in which the burial process demands adds further sting. Burials are time sensitive and you’ll be hard pressed to find a moment to collect yourself in the chaos.
Do I sound bitter? Well, I am. Bitter because I feel cheated out of an authentic opportunity to explore the true meaning of loss. I was so inundated with demands that I practically shutdown. I went into some strange autopilot mode where there was no room for grief because there were tasks to get done. I can only describe it as shock. Not shock from the loss (although obviously that is its own emotional layer), but shock around the cultural norm of how we manage death. Nothing slows down. Everything just marches on and you’ll likely be trampled if you are not prepared to stand your ground when it comes to delivering on final wishes. I have never felt so manipulated by an “occurrence”. It’s worth mentioning that those conducting services and offering guidance were well intentioned. That’s partly what made the process so difficult. The funeral industry insiders were nice people, wholly seasoned in every step of the process but that’s what’s hard to swallow. Recognizing that my mother was no different from the gentleman awaiting service a few ours after her’s, or the young daughter being laid to rest the next day… There’s something about funerals operating in assembly line fashion that shook me awake and then tormented me with thoughts of how to be better advocates for the dead.
I learned a lot in those few weeks. I learned the hard way but hopefully you wont have to. I encourage anyone considering final wishes for themselves or a loved one to look into cremation. Not only is it considerably more affordable but it’s also free of the time sensitivity that burials demand. Cremation eliminates the clock. Burials do not. A body in waiting requires management and care and is best dealt with swiftly. That is very understandable however the freedom to plan and honor one’s life deserves the space to cultivate authentic closure and that looks different for everyone. Rushing due to time restraints can diminish what’s really at stake; a significant loss of life… I cremated my father. It was still painful. But cremation allowed for us to plan a service that felt personal and meaningful in a way that played tribute to the amazing man he was. It wasn’t fancy, but it was poignant and for that I am grateful.
The crusty loaf from the Full Moon Baking Club, July 2019.
Ok, this post is going to be less about a bread recipe and more about how you can get your home oven to mimic that of a professional bakery. Cause that’s what we all want right? Bread at home that has that magic crust that seems to only come from professionals… No worries. I got you! With just this little tip you can start banging out some crusty loaves.
Yep. That is pretty much it. If you want to enhance your bread’s crust game you gotta get things steamy. There is a couple ways you can do this:
Dutch Oven Method
I use this method a lot cause it’s almost a guaranteed win every single time. Baking bread in a dutch oven allows the moisture from the dough to get trapped while baking, creating that steamy environment that gives you that crispy crust. I bake the dough for about 30 minutes with the lid on and then remove it for the last 15 minutes. I won’t go into too much detail now but if you want to explore this method you can find a recipe with some instructions right here.
Pan With Water Method
Now, for those of you that don’t have a dutch oven, there is still hope. Crispy crust can easily be achieved by adding a pan with some water in it that you will remove midway through baking. I like to use a baking dish with about an inch of water in it. You don’t want too much water though because you want to easily and safety remove it from the oven come time. I add the pan/dish of water when I preheat the oven so it’s good and steamy by the time I’m ready to start baking. Pretty simple really.
The last thing I’ll say about the crust is to get creative when when you score the top. Scoring is the design you slice into the top and it frequently confused for an important step in the baking process. I’m here to tell, that’s not really the case. Scoring allows for a bit more rise from a dough while baking in the oven but mostly its more personality than anything. You can use a razor blade or serrated knife to add some slash marks just before placing it in the oven and you are good to go. And in case you need some inspiration for this, just check out Sarah C. Owen’s Instagram page for some beautiful ideas. She is a queen when it comes to all things bread and scoring skills are on point!
And just in case you need a new mixing spoon in your life, I just finished this one:
The Baker’s Spade is a one-of-a-kind mixing spoon with a simple design and subtle wood-burned detailing on the handle.
Ok friends, go bake and let me know how your crust turns out, especially if you use the pan with water method. Happy Full Moon!
The Wholesome Loaf is a bread recipe celebrating the full moon in June by the Full Moon Baking Club.
What’s that? It’s June and you want to soak up that summer heat by baking bread in your kitchen? Don’t worry. I got you! The Wholesome Loaf recipe for June’s Full Moon Baking club is bound to have you sweating it out and second guessing why you thought this was a good idea. But I’ll just remind you now. Because it’s good. That’s why! And its even better when you make something to share with others.
This bread recipe combines milk, yogurt, and an egg for a soft, pliable dough, that comes together to fulfill your sandwich making needs. Make it, make some sandwiches, and then head out for a picnic with friends and have fun. If its delicious you’ll me so proud of your achievement. If it’s a disaster you’ll have a great memory of that time you made bread for your friends.
I feel like I always have to remind whoever is reading this that the point of the Full Moon Baking Club is not about the recipe so much as it’s about the moments. We cook all the time but so rarely are we cooking and gathering together. Once a month we deserve a break from the norm for the chance to be amungst friends and connect in a way that honors the fact that we are social beings. And I’m not talking about connecting across screens. Real connections, in person, face to face, and in this case with our mouths stuffed.
Ready, set, bake!
Long-Term Care: Assessing Your Needs and Planning to Pay
Have you given consideration to your long-term care needs? Have you created a plan for how to pay for it? The cost of health insurance during our healthiest of years is already reaching harrowing rates. But what about those days (hopefully distant future) when we need a bit of extra help. If it’s expensive now, we can assume it will be even more costly then. Fortunately, Harry Cline, creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers is here to help us with some of these questions. Read below for some suggestions on how you can start to think big pictures for what long-term care might look like for you or your loved ones.
While it isn’t pleasant to think about, there is a good chance you will need some type of long-term care in your senior years. Long-term care doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be put in a nursing home. In fact, assisted living facilities and nursing homes are more expensive than in-home care. Long-term care simply means any sort of custodial care you’ll need for more than two months, whether that be admittance into an assisted living facility, adult day care, or an in-home health aide.
To assess the likelihood of your needing long-term care in the future, take a look at your state of health. Does your family carry any hereditary illnesses or conditions that could show up down the line? Fortunately, there are now predictive genetic tests that you can take to catch some of these early. However, it’s important to know that carrying a condition like Alzheimer’s means you won’t be eligible for long-term insurance.
Barring genetic issues and accidents, your health is largely in your own hands. If you don’t already lead a healthy lifestyle that promotes longevity, make a resolution to change as soon as possible. One of the best things you can do for your long-term health is exercise regularly. You only need 90 minutes of exercise a week to reduce blood pressure levels. Exercise 450 minutes a week, and you’ll significantly reduce your chances of premature death.
As mentioned earlier, in-home care can be significantly cheaper than an assisted living facility or nursing home. If you are part of the 87 percent of adults who wish to age-in-place within their own home, it’s important to make sure the house facilitates that. Either find a home that has accessibility features in place or budget to make the renovations yourself. You’ll need to make modifications such as installing railings on both sides of stairs, removing any loose carpeting or rugs, and changing to automatic night lights.
The further you are from retirement, the more options you have when it comes to saving for long-term care. An easy way to make sure you’ll have the funds no matter what is by investing in long-term care insurance. Long-term care insurance is expensive for a reason. Insurance companies know just like the rest of us that healthcare costs are rising steadily, as is the aging population. The chances of someone needing to actually use that insurance is pretty high, thus the high premium.
Another option you have when it comes to saving for your long-term needs is a Health Savings Account (HSA). a Health Savings Account is a compound interest savings program that allows you to contribute a certain amount monthly without having to pay taxes. The funds can be used on a variety of healthcare costs, including custodial care. The best part about an HSA is you can access the funds tax-free for everything from acupuncture to X-rays. If you want to access the funds for any other purchases, you can do that as well! Just be prepared to pay taxes on it.
Long-term care isn’t necessarily as scary as it sounds, but it is serious business. The costs of healthcare are rising every day, so it’s something you need to plan for. When assessing your risk of needing long-term care, there are predictive genetic tests you can take. However, your best bet is reducing your chances of needing long-term care with a healthy lifestyle that includes exercise. If you prefer the idea of in-home care over being admitted to an assisted living facility, you have to make sure your house is ready with accessibility modifications. To pay for your long-term care needs, you can invest in insurance. However, this is an expensive option and ultimately useless if you end up not needing it. A Health Savings Account, on the other hand, allows you to save thousands a year and benefit from its tax-free status and compound interest to pay for long-term healthcare costs when the time comes.
Do any of you have experience with a Health Savings Account? It has only recently popped up on my radar but after struggling financially to afford life crippled under my parents health, let alone my own healthcare, I’m developing a budding interest in all things financial. Share your experience affording care in the comments. Many of us new to caregiving are clueless about this stuff so your input is extremely valued here.
Gluten-free peanut butter, chocolate chip cookie recipe is the May 2019 feature from the Full Moon Baking Club.
April shower’s don’t always bring May flowers, or so I’ve been reminded with the passing of Mother’s Day...
It started out harmless enough. On the Wednesday before, I went to the bank running routine errands and as I was leaving, the clerk wished me “Happy Mother’s Day!” Boom! Just like that, I was triggered. First of all, it was Wednesday, approximately four days too early.
Slowdown tiger… Let’s take things a day at a time…
But then I started the dark spiral into how inappropriate it felt to assume we are all celebrating. I am not a mother, nor do I have my own mother to celebrate the day with, and the blatant cheeriness dripping from the clerk’s chin, all about had me ready to turn around and release the Mother of Dragons at her for making such a careless mistake.
… DRACARYS!!!
My mom Sandrita of House Targaryen.
Somehow the words “you too” found their way out of my mouth and I left without torching the place. But then, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt the next several days build with enthusiasm for mom’s everywhere. But I also felt the communal outcry for the bereaved. What that bank clerk neglected, the village provided, and for all the hater’s of social media it would be a shame to dismiss the macro moment of holding space for all of those that have been touched by the institution of motherhood. Being a mother or having a mother makes little difference. The gift of motherhood is ubiquitous and the internet honored them all! My irritation simmered as the larger community reflected a broader sense consciousness and that got me reflecting on my snap judgement of the bank clerk. It seems we were no different, her and I. Both of us, projecting assumptions onto the other. That I would be celebrating Mother’s Day, and she’d be more “woke” and guarded with words… Ugh… I’m ashamed at my own presumption. When a gesture of kindness turns into a source of frustration, it should be a clue that the problem isn’t them; it’s you!
As much as I think I’ve moved on from my mother’s passing, this incident exposed just how raw loss can be, even years later. I’ve heard that moving forward from grief doesn’t mean life eventually returns to “normal”. Instead, we carry the grief with us, heavier by way of holding an emotional weight that only becomes lighter when love lifts us. I’m learning that it’s sometimes impossible to keep a heart from breaking and no amount of glue can restore a shattered one to whole. But loss finds forward traction with love from friends and family, and community members that gather those shards and carry what they can as an emotional service. Humanity and all of its kindness, keeps the burden of pain from being a solo voyage. A village can help shoulder heaviness which is why we need to promote togetherness at all cost. Cue the Full Moon Baking Club…
Communities need work. The growing amount of division among us is concerning but in my experience, baked goods have always had a way of bringing folks together. It’s far from a fix but it’s a start, and if we hope to repair communities we need to disrupt the flow towards isolation and provide opportunities for joyful assembly. This month I invite you to make this recipe, compliments of King Arthur Flour, with the intention to gather, be together and share moments that will spawn memories. We can build relationships and cultivate inclusive environments that proactively combat feelings of “otherness”. And since there are many folks that daily are excluded from the simple pleasure of enjoying food due to allergies, intolerances, and other dietary restrictions, I’m thinking of them this month with this flourless recipe. For all those gluten-free folks battling celiac or gluten intolerance, take a night off from grieving your loss of tasty baked goods, with this cookie recipe. They are delicious and I applaud King Arthur Flour for thinking outside their own box. Cause even the flourless crave flowers… Open your heart by opening your oven door and let cookies be the floodgate in which kindness flows. Happy full moon my friends!
Holding you in heart,
Ashley
* For the original recipe click here.
Seed bread recipe from the Full Moon Baking Club, just in time for Spring gatherings.
For the April 2019 Full Moon bread I can’t think of anything more appropriate than recipe that includes seeds. We are officially in the season of Spring and maintaining with that earthy alignment, seeds seem like a must! Now is the time of year we get back to our gardens and nurture beginnings. No matter if you are embarking on a new phase of life (hashtag me) or a legit garden landscape, seeds are the homies of the season. And if you are someone that wants to adopt a homemade bread practice, well my friend… you have joined at the right time!
Baking culture has unfortunately intimidated the newbies, keeping many would be bread bakers away from the craft. All the more reason for you to hike up your sleeves and shove that elitism right back to were it came from. Anyone with an oven can bake bread and as I explained in last month’s post, basic bread baking is accessible to all. Don’t fear the mess! That’s the meditation of having a bread practice. When you allow yourself to delve into the tactile art of dough, you forfeit your control and learn to work with what’s at hand. Literally. Cause this stuff will stick to your hands until you connect the relationship between wet and dry ingredients. Think back to your childhood when making mud patties where all the rage. Those were fun times until our parent got their say. Well, bread making is mud patty version for adulting. Age has most likely moved us away from play but according to research, play is an important part of development. And since we never truly stop developing, play should not be exclusive to children. If anything, we grown-ups need more exploratory activities to challenge ours brains and remind us that there is more to the world than what we currently know. And the more we learn to engage with the world around us, the better we feel navigating foreign territory. Longs story short, bread yo! Consider it a playground for curiosity that produces better and better results as you gain familiarity.
So, back to the seeds… Aside from the obvious spring seeds blah, blah, this recipe will get your hands into the mix with the chance to really feel your way through the process. Like, really feel the dough and connect with that wet/dry relationship so that the concept starts to click. I’m also going to walk you through an overnight rise so you can familiarize yourself with the convenience of making bread on your own clock. Speaking of clocks, this is the part where I remind you that you do not need to bake bread on the Full Moon. The point of the club is to make a bread this moon cycle and call all your peops over for some sharing. You gotta make bread in order to break bread and whether you see this as a religious/Eucharist offering or just a standard good time among friends, we have reached a point in which opportunities for togetherness are few and far between, so lets make some bread. It doesn’t have to be this one. It doesn’t even have to be good. The point is you yourself are giving reason to gather and from there we can embark on strengthening our relationships and build better communities. Lofty goal? Sure. But we gotta figure out way to push back again all the hate and as Brene Brown says in her book Braving The Wilderness, “People are hard to hate close-up. Move in.” Granted, that is often easier said than done but that’s why you start with friends and create a reason to gather. Bread is the impetus. It’s the commonality amid our diversity and a chance to find connection with a stranger. Baby steps my friends… Just play around with the new… Just plant a seed and I promise you that growth will follow.
“People are hard to hate close-up. Move in.”
Phase 1
Phase 2
Phase 3
Reflections from life after caregiving.
After almost four years of trying to figure out life alongside of caregiving, I’m suddenly thrust into life without it. Like a car careening to a screeching halt, the abruptness and impact is still revealing itself. I’m picking up the pieces… again… and no sooner had I started to make sense of the ones I was holding do I find myself holding new ones, wholly foreign and equally frustrating. Just as my caregiver life began to click, things changed and my ever quest for stability has shaped-shifted once again.
Last year, around October, I started to really feel like I was gaining a grasp on things.. The years of trial and error eventually led to some clarity around how to be a full-time caregiver. Actually, for the first time in my caregiving journey I felt like I was more than just a caregiver. I had returned to having my own identity with a vision of myself as a maker. I started to identify as an artist and a baker. A maker of things that reflected my journey with time, because more than anything, I had learned how to stand still. I was embracing what I’ve come to think of as the “slow-life” movement.
The monotony of caregiving and its day-in, day-out inertia was a vacuum. It consumed my time and energy and gave me very little in return. The overwhelming feeling of sacrificing my desires for the care of my parents left me bitter, angry that these were my life’s cards. I spent years with that anger, mostly unresolved, because emotionally I was conflicted by love. Love for my parents, love for my partner, and love for the person I was becoming prior to this whole mess starting. Caregiving pit all these loves against each other, forcing me to prioritize them, as if one might have somehow held more importance over the others. I was paralyzed in making pivotal life choices and in that paralysis my frustration grew into rage. My anger seethed and with no place to channel how I was feeling I recoiled into my mind, mentally scheming a way out of this mess. I became a cruncher, a term I’ve identified for how my mind became calculatory. Crunching was the puzzle work of solving my problems and I crunched constantly. I crunched numbers, schedules, and systems, addicted to finding solutions. I crunched in my sleep merely awaiting daylight, so I could just get back to the drawing board to resolve my mess. And I couldn’t settle for just surviving the time. I wanted to enjoy my time and rid myself of the toxicity that was consuming my emotional and mental health.
Long story short, around October of 2018 I started to formulate a plan. All the crunching had paid-off and for the first time in my caregiving journey I had ideas for how I was going to move forward in my own life with happiness. I was ready for caregiving to be a piece of my life, rather than my whole life and I was ready to do that by injecting my interests into the inertia of the job. 2019 Couldn’t come soon enough! I was so ready for a fresh start, so excited to work on this website because this platform was going to encapsulate my new beginning. If caregiving meant a life of isolation then my website would become my vehicle for connection. I realized that if I couldn’t go out and greet the world in the way I craved, maybe I could convince a piece of the online one to come to me. I was ready to do that through food and craft, creating opportunities for interactions. I would post recipes (which are a dime a dozen) but more so I would create reasons for individuals to “visit” me. I prematurely launched the Full Moon Baking Club and Winter Squash Bingo because I was excited. I anticipated them being the cornerstones of 2019 but thrust them into the world early because I was tired of waiting. I had waited nearly four years at this point to feel a sense of myself in my days and finally a sliver of that girl was showing. I didn’t need a specific date or a launch party to validate my readiness. I was ready to hatch, armed with all things related to food, carving, and caregiving that might convince someone to interact with my world.
But then came the abrupt shift, hardly a month into my new found plan. My dad fell on December 14th. I remember it was a Friday. He was gone five days later… His passing was met by the cusp of winter, the government shutdown, and the end-of-year holidays that consume everything that time of year. It was not the most wonderful time of year. Quite the opposite really. And yet 2019 rolled-in, once highly anticipated and now, suddenly an afterthought. There was no fresh start. Instead, 2019 greeted me with a sour taste in my mouth. The bitterness I chocked down from my years before had been replaced by something acrid. The final decree, hamstringing my heart, again to this role of caregiver and stealing my identity once more…
It’s not fair. That’s really all I have to say for myself. It’s just not fair. And never-the-less, it just is what it is… I know people hate that expression but I’m not sure how else make sense of the enormity of grief that encompasses the last four years other than to surrendering to time. I lost my mom, my dad, and my dog. I lost my job, my apartment, and my community… I don’t think the vacuum of caregiving is well understood, which in and of itself is a tragedy. The loss of lives is compounded by the loss of livelihood. Grief alone is heavy but without a social and economical construct to pad the edges, it can push your life to the fringe. The vacuum swallows everything, eroding just about every facet of connection and commonality into something even more incongruous. I am the last person you want at your dinner party. I’m am every bit the definition of your Debbi Downer… Everyone died, I’m unemployed, and too much alcohol will probably bring me to tears... But where I lack in dinner parties, I thrive in pity parties! Other people’s problems serve as respite from my own and I find myself happy to listen to the struggles of others. Not because misery loves company but because pain deserves a voice and after four years of sitting on the sidelines I have found that emotional trauma is dangerous when left unchecked. Luckily my outlets were baking and carving and they will continue to be healthy escapes from a world riddled with malfeasance.
I keep waiting for my course correction. Caregiving has “ended” and I find myself anxious to move on. But Joseph Campbell’s theme of the hero’s journey whispers softly to me that this is hardly an ending. It’s entry into the “abyss”. According to his narrative, I’m only halfway through my caregiving journey because it took four years to get here and it might take four more to recover. The mere thought of this exhausts me but it also gives me comfort. Time has been my one trusted companion thus far so we kinda know the drill. As I mentioned before, I have learned the lessons of staying still. As the clock ticks on with a strange new nothingness, I have mastered the art of waiting cause my life feels perpetually on hold. Something will come… Some job will rescue me from my newly inherited mortgage and other financial burdens but it appears that white knights liberate without time restraints so all I can do is wait. And carve… and bake… and be. Cause life after caregiving isn’t an ending. It’s a blind spot and my only choice is to turn to the sun.
Love at Long Distance: When the Burden of Care Falls on You From Across the Country. Image via Pixabay
Long distance caregiving is a burden full of unique challenges. As a caregiver, how can you provide love and support when you live across the country? How can you manage the care of your loved one when you’re physically not available? Fortunately, Harry Cline is back with us today with some strategies for managing long distance caregiving.
Harry is the creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers. He is a retired nursing home administrator, father of three, and caregiver to his ninety-year-old uncle. He is more than familiar with the challenges and rewards of caregiving and understands the role is often overwhelming for those just starting out. And if you find yourself on the precipice of having to uproot your life to provide care, keep reading. Harry has some suggestions that can hopefully give you some peace of mind while you navigate the complications of a possible relocation.
As adults, we know that there is a time when we may be called upon to care for our parents. However, what happens when that obligation overlaps with your own family’s needs, such as when your children are in school, or you are financially unable to devote yourself to full-time care? The concern may be even greater when you live far away and your elderly parents won’t move closer or you can’t go to them.
As a long-distance caregiver, you can’t physically be there to provide hands-on assistance, but there are still plenty of things you can do to help. The National Institute on Aging explains that you can pay bills, offer emotional support, and provide updates to friends and family.
One of the most important things you can do is to ensure their basic needs are taken care of. This might mean hiring a housekeeper to keep things clean if they suffer from limited mobility. A tidy home will benefit their health and prevent dangerous tripping hazards. Using an online search tool, you can find a housekeeper, ask for a quote, and see if they will allow you to pay on your parents’ behalf. Similarly, you can schedule lawn care and other essential home maintenance tasks that your parents are unable to do themselves.
When your elderly parents need more in-depth assistance, a home aide can provide companionship and help them take their medications, eat, go to the bathroom, and handle other daily needs. Care.com gives you access to a nationwide directory of non-medical personal caregivers. Many of these professional attendants are available for overnight care and can help with transportation to and from doctor appointments.
In addition to their daily care needs, one of the most pressing concerns for long-distance caregivers is keeping their loved ones safe. There are many ways to achieve this, and a combination of minor home improvements and tech gear may be all it takes to put your mind at ease. A video-enabled home security system will allow you to monitor their activities no matter where you are. ADT—along with major home security firms—offers smart products and video surveillance for a monthly fee. Similarly, Amazon and Google’s home hubs can double as instant video chatting devices. Amazon’s Echo Show, for example, may be configured so that you can “drop in” on your loved one any time. When you can visit, add grab bars to the bathtub and install motion-activated lights in the hallway.
Going a step further, you can take over your loved one’s finances by setting up direct deposit of their Social Security check and online bill payments for the mortgage and utilities. Their home health aide or a helpful neighbor can get the mail from the mailbox and alert you of any non-recurring bills, such as insurance co-payments or quarterly pest control. You can usually call these companies and take care of the charges over the phone.
If you can’t have an onsite caregiver, look for a local food service that delivers to the elderly. Meals on Wheels, your family member’s local community center, or their church can ensure they have healthy meals delivered. This is especially important if they can no longer cook for themselves.
Finally, when you can visit, establish a relationship with the neighbors. Many police precincts have community programs, often run by citizens that can further put a set of hands within reach when your parents need it the most. Make a copy of their front door key and leave it with a trusted neighbor.
Caring for an aging parent or grandparent from a distance is not always easy. But it is possible, even if you work full time or are yourself physically unable to provide care. Things such as hiring a housekeeper and having prepared meals delivered are small actions that can make a huge impact on their health, well-being, and independence.
Moral of the story: Don’t be like me. I was in denial and hoping the situation would get better on its own. Obviously it didn’t. Instead things escalated until I was forced into an unprepared moved to South Florida with no such assistance in place. If I had to do it over again, I would implement all the above suggestions. Any support in these matters would have allowed for a smoother transition becoming a full-time caregiver while also constructing the beginnings of an infrastructure for support. Hiring help for such matters can be extremely personal and it’s helpful to remember that an aid or service is not just for your loved ones. Such help will alleviate some of the myriad of concerns on your plate and greatly help your personal mental health.
Do you have experience with long-distance caregiving? I’d love to hear about strategies you’ve implemented to help ensure safety for your loved ones.
How to Feed a Senior is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, which is an affiliate advertising program. If you choose to purchase items after clicking on the links above, I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!
Basic bread recipe from the Full Moon Baking Club, made utilizing the dutch oven baking technique.
Calling all makers, gatherers, and aspiring bakers!
It brings me joy to write this to you on March 21st celebrating the Full Moon and also, the Vernal Equinox. This auspicious alignment provides some clarity around my why for this club, which gets me to the why of this recipe. You ready?
Thus far, I have been making things up as I go. I had the idea for the Full Moon Baking Club as a way to bring folks together, break bread honoring it as a community tradition, as well as to archive my own baking pursuits. I was doing the whole Instagram Live thing but honestly, it’s wasn’t quite working in the way I had I hoped. As much as I thought it would feel like a “hang-out” it didn’t and started giving me unnecessary stress. The purpose of the “club" should really be a reason to gather your friends together and enjoy their company. Now, that might include the baking process, however I think the real gift of this club is in the eating.
So, with it now officially being the start of Spring, I thought there’s no better time to plant some seeds of intention. My goal now is to provide you with a baking recipe on every full moon so that you can call-up your crew, invite them over, and offer them something wholesome and handmade. The fun comes from the togetherness and homemade goodies makes those moments all the better.
When I started baking bread, it was an impulsive New Year’s Eve resolution. I was inspired by reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbra Kingsolver. It’s mostly an account of her family’s attempt to live off the land. There were lots of homestead-y stories throughout but what stuck with me was that her husband had a weekend ritual of baking bread. It was a subtle reference but by the end of the book, I was ready to pursue bread making. I had zero prior experience. At the time, cooking wasn’t even on my radar. I just remember being moved by the idea and the perceived notion of it’s simplicity. Baking bread, from scratch, at home…
To great surprise, it was easy! My first few loaves where meh… Some were dense. Others were dry. But shortly after I started my pursuits of bread making, things kinda clicked. It didn’t take long to realize that to make bread you just need a basic formula. There are endless bread recipes out there but at their core they are mostly the same. So this month, I’m skipping all the fancy and giving you this basic bread recipe.
Now here’s the thing when baking bread at home. You need to decide your cooking vessel. You can bake bread on the simplicity of a baking sheet if you don’t have a loaf pan. However, a loaf pan in nice because as the dough rises during the second rise, it rises up. This makes for that traditional sandwich bread shape, instead of out which tends to happen when using a baking sheet. Both methods work so don’t get hung-up on having the right equipment. Just start getting into a habit of making your own bread and you’ll discover the things you want to enhance your hobby.
One investment when you’re ready, is a dutch oven. It’s easily used for all kinds of cooking endeavors and also makes fantastic bread! Dutch oven bread baking helps to trap moisture during the baking process which lends itself to the most amazing crust. If you already have one, you are in luck! Follow the above recipe through Step 7 then skip to the steps below.
Follow the above recipe through Step 7 then...
So that’s your basic bread recipe. You just need flour, yeast, and salt. Yeast tends to be an ingredient that holds wannabe bakers back, so just seek some out and keep it in the fridge. Once you have the basics of bread baking down you soon realize that pizza on a whim are possible and so much more.
Go forth and bake! And have fun sharing it with friends cause, sharing is caring!
Happy Full Moon and Spring Equinox! I’ll be back next month with a seed bread of some kind Seeds seem very springs. If you have any seed suggestions let me know. I’m going to be searching all the seedy-bread inspiration in preparation. Let me know if you have any favorites.
How to Feed a Senior is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, which is an affiliate advertising program. If you choose to purchase items after clicking on the links above, I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!
Hey Friends!
For those of you that have been waiting to get your hands on some one-of-a-kind kitchen tools, now’s your chance! In honor of Spring, and marking a quarter turn around the sun, I am celebrating Nature’s New Year with a 25% off sale on the last of my 2018 inventory. Get it while the gettin’ is good! Sale ends tomorrow.
First addition copper cutlery set, hand forged from salvaged scrap copper.
I’m pretty focused on fresh starts right now and with a new moon upon us and spring around the corner, I’m starting to shift gears. Unfortunately, change doesn’t always arrive lockstep. It feels as though I’ve swapped one holding pattern for another, and waiting and time remain the constant backstory. After four years of sitting idle caregiving for my parents, they have both now passed and yet I remain. Even the dog is no longer company and so the question of home feels foreign as I remain in their house but lack everything else.
There’s an emptiness here that I hope holds space for a new beginning. However, cold starts are a struggle and the days are slowly slipping into months. It’s hard to grasp the slowness though. Whereas before the nothingness dragged, I am now consumed by the clock ticking and yet, I have nowhere to be. No job, no curfew, no obligations to be accountable to… Just me and again, this strange relationship with time.
The Pleiades Slotted Wooden Spoon is available in the shop. Click here.
If you read my father’s obituary then you know Space was a big deal for this household. Like, as in “lunar landing/ satellite telemetry ” big deal. Growing-up with a human calculator was no easy task for a girl afraid of math. But somewhere along the way I gathered the significance of measurement relative to his passion for Space. I remember him giving me a gyroscope once as a gift and forever trying to get it to spin upon a string. Only now, as an adult, am I making sense of it. In watching this gyroscope video and seeing one in action do I realize how planetary this gift was and his own interest in celestial movement.
Time often accounts for change and those changes parlay seasons. And now, amid all the change that lays so heavy in my air, I am reminded that the seasons of life can account for nothingness and without much attention, life just passes by. So, if you have ever come to this page and wondered about the Full Moon Baking Club or my obsession with time it’s probably worth noting that the space-time continuum is some complicated mathematical model that I’ll never truly understand but thanks to the gyroscope, I can trust that this time will pass. Nature is cyclical… Seasons are cyclical… And if there is ever a clock worth trusting, it’s not the one that tells the time; it’s one that tells where we are in the cycle.
It’s understandable that the seasons of life can be difficult and if you are anything like me, you might find yourself far from one that brings a good harvest. The growing ain’t good right now cause I have nothing much to sow. I’m just now sorting seeds. It’s not realistic to assume life will magically fall into place. But time itself is a kind of magic and so a little intentional seed planting now will surely grow into something later. What better time keeper than the moon? (I think my dad would agree.) And what better way to track change than pursue a craft? Time lends itself to the artisan maker and good craftsmanship can take a lifetime. For the moment all I have is seeds. Time will tell but until then… new moon, new spoon!
Handmade flour tortilla recipe from the Full Moon Baking Club, February 2019.
Hey Full Moon Bakers!
I’m trying to ease back into all the things after my father’s passing and that includes the Full Moon Baking Club. There is really no better way to make that happen than with a good friend. To be honest, that’s what this baking club is for. Gathering friends, attempting kitchen crafts and ideally eating said crafts with good company. As much as I believe in breaking bread and the power of sharing food to foster togetherness, this was the first month in which I have been able to participate in that vision. Lucky for me (and us) I happen to know one of the best handmade flour tortilla makers this side of the border. He happily shared his recipe, technique, and personal counsel for an epic night of tacos. It was a true reminder that no matter life’s circumstances, good times still await us. We just need to make the time.
Speaking of time, hand making tortillas takes some… Individually rolling out 15 to 20 small pieces of dough is a workout so I suggest enlisting a friend (duh…) to help with the pan frying. You’ll find a rhythm and have fun in the process. And I mentioned the tacos, right? Just make the tortillas. Surely you know how to apply the fixin’s. Check below for the recipe and some step-by-step visuals.
Pork tacos with roasted poblano peppers, arugula, avocado, and fresh papaya salsa with handmade flour tortillas.
These were 100% worth it. Good luck and let me know if you make these tortillas!
I continue to sincerely thank you for your love and support during this difficult time and I again apologize for the piecemeal of this post. I am happy to announce that the services are officially finalized and we look forward to celebrating his spirit on Monday and Tuesday of next week. Below Robert’s obituary you will find the revised details.
#koolbob
At the age of 86, Robert Warren Look, affectionately known as "koolbob", passed away on December 19th, 2018, in the comfort of his own home.
A memorial service and celebration of life honoring Robert will be held on Monday, January 21, 2019 at his family home at 603 NW 110th AVE, Coral Springs, FL 33017. Guest are invited to arrive beginning at 1:00 PM with the service commencing at 2:00 PM.
An additional flag ceremony and brief service for internment will take place on Tuesday, January 22, 2019 at the South Florida National Cemetery, 6501 FL-7, Lake Worth, FL 33449. All attendees should meet at the cemetery promptly at 12:30pm in LANE 5.
Robert was a man of science. He grew-up in Edgartown, MA on the island of Martha’s Vineyard where he achieved high remarks in school and looked-up to the likes of Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla. The advancements of radio and technology grabbed his attention and at a young age he became an armature radio operator. Radio waves and frequencies remained an important aspect of Robert’s life and shortly after graduating from high school he joined the United States Air Force and became a Korean War Veteran. After the war he pursued fulfilling work at the Kennedy Space Center and Cape Kennedy Air Force Station on Cape Canaveral where he found himself at the center of the space race during an era that helped shaped the infinite capacity of man and altered the course of human history. The Apollo and Gemini Missions as well as the infamous Lunar Landing remained vivid highlights of both his personal pride and professional career.
Following his years at Cape Canaveral, Robert moved to Ascension Island in the South Atlantic Ocean where he continued his career in science and technology where he assisted efforts in satellite and communication telemetry. His skills helped pioneer advancements in telephone communications where he eventually retired from BellSouth Telecommunications in 2005.
Robert is survived by his four children, Allison Mundry, Rob, Ashley and Miles Look, and his 8 grandchildren. He will be missed dearly, especially his quick wit and endless charm. He also claimed to be the inventor of “shorts”. May he rest in peace.
Date: Monday, January 21, 2019
Location: 603 NW 110th AVE. Coral Springs, FL 33071
Time: Guests are invited to arrive after lunch, beginning at 1:00 PM with the service commencing at 2:00 PM and are welcome to stay for a bonfire at dusk.
Along with a brief service, this day is somewhat of an open house and guests are invited to share in music, memories, and moments to help reflect the man we hold dear. Light refreshments will be provided. Additional fare is welcome. You might also consider bringing a blanket or folding chairs to enjoy time by the water.
Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2019
Location: 6501 S. State Road 7, Lake Worth, FL 33449 at the South Florida National Cemetery.
Time: 12:45 PM ( All attendees must be in line at Lane 5 by 12:30 PM).
Robert served in the United States Air Force and is a veteran of the Korean War. A brief flag ceremony will be conducted in honor of his service. The partial internment of his cremated remains will be placed alongside his wife, Sandra Lynne Look in the National Cemetery.
(A private memorial will take place at a later date to scatter the last of his remains near his childhood home in Edgartown, MA on the island of Martha’s Vineyard.)
If you’d like to send flowers please send them to 603 NW 110th AVE. Coral Springs, FL 33071. In lieu of flowers please donate towards Alzheimer’s Association.
Full Moon Baking Club’s November 2018 bread: Cranberry Sauce Bread
With the November 2018 full moon falling the day after Thanksgiving, cranberry sauce was begging to be a signature ingredient for the Full Moon Baking Club. Every year I make a cranberry sauce and every year I have leftovers. So this year, I made sauce with a plan. One of my favorite bakeries, Pain D’Avignon in Hyannis, MA makes these delicious cranberry-pecan rolls so I wanted a cranberry sauce that could steer me in that direction. I made this cranberry sauce using some during my Thanksgiving meal and the rest in this bread. It used walnuts instead of pecans but… close enough. My goal was texture.
Speaking of texture, I baked this bread in a dutch oven because it makes a world of difference when it comes to the crust. If you want that crispy/chewy/artisan bread effect at home, bake your breads in a dutch oven. The lid helps trap moisture and produces steam while baking. That humid baking environment, matched with high heat equals crusty loaves that mimic professional bakery results. It’s one of the simplest answers to creating rustic breads in an everyday home kitchen.
If you find yourself needing a dutch oven, I recommend the one linked below made by Lodge Cast Iron. There are a lot on the market, some quite a bit more expansive than others but I prefer this one because it’s affordable, comes pre-seasoned and is made entirely of cast iron. Some have nobs on the lids with a lower heat tolerance than the pot which can throw off one’s cooking plan. Whatever style you prefer, just make sure it’s safe for high temperatures. You’ll need it to handle temperatures of at least 450 degrees for breads.
I forgot to take pictures of the bread in progress so hopefully you checked-out the video when it was all going down on Instagram The high was making pink dough. The low was a mild panic where it suddenly occurred to me I was making a fruit cake. Otherwise, you didn’t miss much. I did however snag a few shots of the cranberry sauce in the works. Also, if you need a holiday gift, this mixing spoon and several others are still available.
Ok bakers, it’s time to get on with this recipe because there are only two weeks till the next full moon. Do you even still have cranberry sauce? Probably not and that’s my fault for being so slow on posting the recipe but all the more reason to archive this recipe for next year! Or, if you’re really game to make bread (which you should be), I encourage you go for it! Just omit the cranberry sauce and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised. That’s the beauty of bread. With a little practice, you’ll find it’s a very forgiving art.;)
Ok folks, we got two weeks! The holiday and the Full Moon Baking Club countdowns are on so lets role with the festive and make Eggnog Bread! Do people even like eggnog? Probably not, yet somehow it winds up in the fridge every year. Well, this year we are gonna use it up! Eggs, milk and sugar can make for a tasty loaf so let’s just do it and embrace the holiday spirit. And since the full moon is on the 22nd of December, we can count on some leftovers to make holiday french toast.
See you in a couple of weeks! And if you made it this far and have no idea what the Full Moon Baking Club is click here, catch-up, and join us on the 22nd!
How to Feed a Senior is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, which is an affiliate advertising program. If you choose to purchase items after clicking on these links, I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
A holiday gift guide for caregivers and care-partners.
The last thing caregivers need is more stress, and with the holidays looming I’ve attempted to reduce chaos with a simple holiday gift guide. Both caregivers and care-partners have a unique set of circumstances which can make shopping and gifting a challenge. The items below will hopefully eliminate any chance of gifts being re-gifted! I should also mention several things listed are sold through Amazon and as part of their affiliate program, I receive a small commission for guiding you to their website. Fear not! This comes at no extra charge to you, but I’m required to mention the association. That being said, I greatly appreciate your support in using my website as a vehicle for your holiday shopping. Hopefully you’ll find some goodies below.
It’s probably no surprise that I am a hobby enthusiast but let’s face it, as a caregiver I have a lot of time on my hands. Not exactly free time for exploring whims but still, a significant amount of house bound hours that are grueling without personal projects. You might think that a sense of purpose would come from the careship however caregivers often preform duties to meet obligations, rather than fulfill passions. As hours stretch into years, it’s easy for a caregiver to lose sight of personal interests and fall prey to couch inertia. The lifestyle offer’s little in the way of personal development so one of the best gifts you can give someone restricted by circumstance are items that can improve their quality of life.
My first recommendation is the Joy of Cooking cookbook. It’s a kitchen staple for long-time chefs and cooking newbies alike. There are no glamorous photos but it contains everything else. It’s like a massive index of all things cooking and you’ll be hard pressed to find a recipe that’s not listed. I recommend this book because caregiver or not, one’s future absolutely includes food. Why not gift a book that offers both a distraction with a necessary outcome... Dinner! I frequently reference my copy for everything from quick breads and cakes, to cocktails and stews. Seriously, it’s got everything; even Dutch Babies! Cooking can be a form of therapy and this book hosts hours of dishes that can help nurse a heartache or nurture health. No matter the season of life, know how to cook will always come in handy.
We can’t talk about caregivers without mentioning the self-care hypocrisy. The fluffy “make time for yourself”comments have never proved more telling of a societal misunderstanding. The caregivers I know frequently express frustration towards self-care directives that suggest things like an escape or break. Such advice, although well intended, is an absurdity in our reality. Most caregivers lack the the support to truly step away from their duties be it financial, emotional, or otherwise, and all the more reason to rethink self-care as an activity done in place. Forget escaping. It’s just not a legit option… But activities that provide a therapeutic distraction within the context of caregiving, might provide a more substantial escape than any short getaway. Spoon carving (or any kind of carving) is a wonderful stationary escape. It’s a mediation of sorts, allowing one to sink into new mental space and temporarily avoid the ills that can plague shared physical space. If a therapeutic gift is on your list, then considering gifting a set carving knives. There are lots of beginner carving books on the market to help folks get started and I’m available to help anyone that buys these knives with free coaching at the start of the new year.
Set of sloyd style carving knives for carving spoons, bowls, and other woodcarving crafts.
If you are looking for a more traditional approach with a gift of self-care, this book offers an outlet for health while staying true to the reality of the caregiver life. Many cannot retreat to a local gym and also lack the finances to outfit their own gym at home. The workout books by Neila Rey, help eliminate those obstacles. I’ve been working my way through the one below which has been a great way to incorporate exercise into my day, and perhaps more importantly, blow-off some much need steam. Exercise is one of those things everyone needs to make time for but the caregiver lifestyle can make that a hurdle. Determining how to make time for exercise, let alone what activities to preform, can actually induce stress when one is already fighting overwhelm. This book helps eliminate those questions with simple workouts easily done at home. I’m recommending it because I use it. A small step towards “making time for myself.”
It’s not all about the caregivers. The struggle for gifting those under care is real! Many care-partners, especially seniors, can be difficult to shop for as gifts can feel meaningless. Those that suffer cognitive disorders like Alzheimer’s or Dementia may no longer understand the feelings behind the holiday gesture. Others might feel there is nothing they need and would prefer friends and family save money rather than spend it on them. Such sentiments may very well be true, but many of us still desire to shower our loved ones with gifts this time of the year. Below are a couple of items I’m giving my father this year.
I’m going old school with this Simon memory game by Hasbro. You remember the one, right? Where the buttons light up with a musical tone and the player tries to repeat the order. It’s part fun and part memory therapy with a throwback to vintage games I think we both can enjoy.
The Simon game aside, I struggle knowing what to get my dad because his dementia disrupts so much. His favorite things of yesteryear no longer interest him. So rather than take chances I’m going with useful. New sheets! The man loves airplanes and space and luckily I can find both in bed sheets! Sheets pretty much come in every color, patterns, and thread count. If you are lost for ideas, just know you can’t go wrong with sheets.
In case you are looking to send an edible gift, I have just the thing!
My favorite inspirational baker Sara C. Owens, of Ritual Fine Foods, has holiday cookie boxes that include an assortment of whole grain and heirlooms flour cookies! Now, as a baker I might be slightly biased but how can you go wrong with the wholesome touch of artisan baking?
“Ritual Fine Foods seeks to bring awareness to ancient ingredients, traditional preparations, and sustainable farming practices in the context of modern expression and enjoyment. Our provisions are made with a commitment to the cyclical nature of the seasons and the rituals created around farming, feasting, baking, and celebratory life events. ”
Click here to order cookies and browse the other offerings by Ritual Fine Foods. Boxes are limited so go on. Get! The clock is ticking on this one.
There’s probably lots of things I forgot here so don’t hesitate to add your ideas! Birthdays and other gifting events are just around the corner so don’t hold back. This can be a tough crowd to shop for so the more the merrier when it comes to recommendations.
Have a wonderful holiday season! And good luck managing any overwhelm. It’s a busy time but we’ll get through it.;)
Three decades later, two best friends attempt to recreate this Christmas photo with 25 days of Christmas Splits. It’s going to take a Christmas miracle.
In effort to finish the year strong, and help motivate anyone needing a push, Erika (my childhood bestie) and, are going to recreate this photo. Yup. Splits-fest! We are implementing our own, 25 Day Christmas Splits Challenge. It’s been more than three decades and trust me, it will take a Christmas miracle, but it’s a good excuse for us to get together and “practice” and get me out of my damn chair! As the final month of the year, it feels only right to pay tribute to December as the “home stretch”. With a whole month left till the end of 2018, we still have time to make good on whatever promises we made back in January. Now, four weeks is a good amount of time. It’s not a lot of time but it’s a reasonable chunk and if you apply yourself, you could probably see progress in whatever your goal. Every year Erika and I say we are going to recreate this shot and every year passes without any effort. Well, not this year! Crunch time is upon us and tis the freakin’ season! And, if you read yesterday’s post then you know I’ve been extra sedentary lately. It’s now or never folks. This has to happen.
Normally, I’m not one to promote fitness during the holidays (or vacations). No use in missing out on the glorious goodies this time of year brings. My approach typically is to go all in. I eat everything, lounge endlessly watching Christmas movies, and bask in the decadent joy of the season. By the time New Year’s comes along, I’m saddled with plenty of motivation to make a fresh start. Well, I guess you could say Christmas came early? I am so desperate for a change of pace that cookies and glogg are of little interest. See?! I told you! Something is wrong!!!
I’m hoping the infusion of extra movement will have me back to my old self lickety-split. I need an injection of holiday cheer ASAP, and I figure the best way to achieve that right now is with a healthy intention. A flexibility goal seems like a perfect step towards feeling better. Not to mention, flexibility is easily practiced at home which is a must for the caregiver lifestyle. And the good news is we’ll be sharing snippets of progress with you along the way. How’s that for joy? Nothing like awkward internet photos to help spread some holiday cheer, am I right? It’s like the a horrible version of an advent calendar but we’re going for it! It can’t be any worse than coal. And thank gawd Harry Cline offered us those yoga suggestions with his guest post yesterday cause we are gonna need them!
You can follow along via the Stories section of the How to Feed a Senior, Instagram account but don’t judge cause we’ve got that covered. This photo alone has me zeroing in on my sweet haircut and my graceful claw. For all the haters when it comes to aging, I think this photo is proof that things get better with time. Clearly, the years have been kind and I’m hoping this also applies to the next 25 days. Keep your finger’s crossed for a Christmas miracle folks, and let me know if your up for the challenge or doing one of your own! Group accountability always helps.
Speaking of Christmas, I created a holiday gift guide for foodies if any of you are in search of ideas. I have two more in the works for both caregivers and spoon carvers which I’ll post when they are ready.
Also, if anyone make it visit to Santa, you should tell him Lickety-Split and Snippets would be good reindeer names! Just sayin’…
Merry, merry friend! I’ll see you over on Instagram stories. And don’t laugh! Or do… but trust me, it’s going to be painful.;)
3 Big benefits of yoga for seniors and caregivers.
Photo by Pixabay.
Lately, my biggest grip about being a caregiver is how sedentary I have become. I spend most of my days watching my dad watch TV and it is literally killing me. I’m developing aches and pains from the lack of movement. I’m agitated and cranky almost all the time which can’t be good for my blood pressure. And perhaps the worst is knowing I should do more but don’t and so it’s all of the above with a dose of guilt to go with it. Cheers to meh…(Insert eye roll here.) Fortunately, I trust this is just a phase. I’ve always been a relatively active person. I’ve dabble in seasons of less movement but for the most part exercise is my health insurance. I know how important it is to one’s overall sense of wellness which is why I am so happy to introduce you to Harry Cline.
Harry is the creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers. He is a retired nursing home administrator, father of three, and caregiver to his ninety-year-old uncle. He is more than familiar with the challenges and rewards of caregiving and understands the role is often overwhelming for those just starting out. Through creating his website and writing his new book, he offers caregivers everywhere help and support. We are lucky to have him with us today to help shed some light on the role of flexibility. That’s right folks! FLEXIBILITY! And balance and mindfulness… But as we move into December we should be remember that this is the “home stretch” of 2018 and there is still time to finish strong. Since both seniors and caregivers (or anyone for that matter) stand to benefit from developing a consistent yoga and meditation practice, Harry is here to share his tips and help us get started.
Here’s Harry!
Yoga is for everybody. It might sound cliché, but it’s true. There are many benefits of doing yoga for people of all ages and any fitness level. Chances are, you already know this. Perhaps your friends do yoga at a Silver Sneakers class. Maybe your physician told you how yoga can help ease those morning aches and pains. Yoga can be good for you physically, but did you know that yoga has a mental advantage, as well?
Aging isn’t easy, but neither is being a caregiver. Doing yoga together can help alleviate stress and tension while also getting your bodies moving. Caregivers often have little time for self-care, so doing yoga together is a great way to encourage them to work on their own physical and mental health. The same yoga sequences that can benefit seniors can also benefit caregivers.
There are many yoga postures that help improve balance, which has a positive impact on memory and brain function. The brain is home to your body’s balance sensors, so poses that focus on balance can be positive for seniors who may be experiencing mild cognitive impairment. These kinds of poses can also help improve your agility, which can help prevent falls. Balance poses require our attention every second, which improves the equilibrium in both our minds and bodies.
Try This Balance Pose: Tree
Standing with one leg planted firmly on the floor, bring the foot of your opposite leg to your ankle, calf, or thigh. This is the start of tree pose. You can stretch your arms out to the side, press them together in front of your chest, or raise them up over your head. If you feel a little wobbly on your feet, hold on to the back of a chair, a door frame, or a wall.
As we age, our bodies become tighter and tenser. This is also true if we are more sedentary or stressed. Yoga improves flexibility by helping our muscles, tendons, and ligaments elongate and stretch so that our bodies let go and release. It’s important to take it slow -- if a pose is uncomfortable, but you can breathe through it, see if you can stick it out for five to 10 breathes. However, if it feels painful, back out until you find a place that is a comfortable challenge.
Try This Flexibility Pose: Sitting Pigeon
There are several ways to do a pigeon pose. If you’re new to working on flexibility, sit firmly on the floor with your knees bent and feet flat on the ground. Plant your hands behind your back and lean back a bit. Bring your right ankle on to your left thigh just below your knee. If you want to deepen the stretch, bring your right hand to your right knee and apply gentle pressure. If this pose is easy for you, try a more advanced version of pigeon posture.
Yoga helps us connect our minds and bodies, increasing awareness about how we feel and why we act. Yoga, which literally translates as “to yolk,” makes that connect by emphasizing meditation and a focus on breathing. One way to make yoga a habit with you and your caregiver is to set up a meditation space in your home. Choose an area free of distractions and with nice natural light. Roll out your yoga mat, set out a few cushions and light a candle, set out aromatherapy scents, or play calming music.
Try This Breathing Activity: Three-Part Breath
Sit comfortably on the floor or a chair. Roll your shoulders back and down and put space between your ears and your shoulders. Place your right hand on your chest and your left hand over your belly button. Inhale into your belly — your left hand should push forward. Then, move the inhale upward, drawing the air in between your ribs and finally in your chest. Exhale in reverse. Practice making this breath smooth and fluid, like a wave rolling up when you inhale and down when you exhale.
Yoga can help both you and your caregiver improve your physical and mental well-being. However, just as important -- or maybe even more -- it can bring you closer together, creating a happier, low-stress household.
Me again…
This topic brings up several thoughts specifically in terms of relationships. I’ve long been searching for an alternative version of “mommy and me” activities that are more aptly appropriate to adult children and their aging parents. It is true that both seniors and caregiver stand to benefit from engaging together in activities. Additionally, activities that promote the physical well-being across generations stand to gain broad acceptance as both youth and elderly populations find their lives increasingly intertwined. But the question is HOW? I anxiously await programs that recognize that senior wellness initiatives must also apply to their caretakers. Programs like Silver Sneakers offer desirable benefits to the senior demographic but I wonder how many would-be participant don’t enroll because of limitations surrounding their caregiver’s access? This trend is also visible at senior centers where age restrictions often limit caregivers from attending and therefore keep many seniors from utilizing available community resources. I see a growing need to bridge this arena if we truly want to improve the culture of aging in America. The exclusivity surrounding age related access is a disservice to quality of life, and I look forward to more perspectives like Harry’s that highlight the intersection of seniors and those that care for them!
And if you are a caregiver, I would love to hear your experience finding activities that cater to both you and your care person. I’ve struggled finding activities that offers both my father and I and opportunity to grow. Aside from the local library (which could benefit their service by creating a senior section mush like a children’s section) I’ve experienced very little in the way of mutually supported service. Rather, what I observe, is the catering to one or the other which feels more like a wedge between the two world and thereby crippling either’s ability to thrive. I, like many caregivers, live without the luxury of separating our experiences. Our lives are conjoined and that I’ve come to accept, but as a caregiver I feel the marginalization of this role. I want to hear your thoughts about organizations, ideas, and/or experiences aimed at addressing this unique circumstance. How can we fill this gap?
A holiday gift guide for the culinary inclined, sure to delight cooks, bakers, and inspired chefs alike.
It’s the holiday season and I have put together the first ever, How to Feed A Senior gift guide, full of my favorite culinary things. Ok… that’s probably not true. There isn’t room for all such favorites but, there are a few item I highly recommend. I thought it would be fun to compile a list and share these suggestions with you Most these items are available on Amazon, and in full disclosure I must tell you, I am part of their affiliate program. That probably doesn’t mean much to you, but it means the world to me to have you purchase Amazon products through my website. I get a small kickback (like a commission) from sales that come at no extra charge to you! So, thank you in advance for visiting this page and your support throughout the holiday season (and always!). I assure you the items recommended below are listed because I love them and I hope you will too.
The first gift guide I’m releasing is geared to those who love to cook. If you frequent this website then you know food is it’s center, so naturally a focus on culinary gifts is a must! It would be amiss to forgo the mention of a cookbook or two but when it comes to cooking, the culinary arts really shine when creativity is put to the test. Cookbooks full of recipes are great for step-by-step instructions and photo inspiration but if your goal is to foster one’s inner chef, then don’t give them a cookbook. Give them a Flavor Bible! The Flavor Bibles are not traditional cookbooks. They don’t contain recipes but instead, offer common food pairings allowing cooks to get creative in the kitchen. For example, let’s say you have tons of beets but little clue as to what to make. Well, just flip to the page for beets and you’ll see a list of complimentary ingredients. When you know what flavors profiles work well together, creating original recipes becomes a breeze. I highly, HIGHLY recommend these books! You do not however need both. I just happen to be a complete fan-girl and listed them both for convenience.
FYI: I removed both the cover jackets so don’t be alarmed if they look a little different online.
Ok, this is a bit of a shameless plug but what baker doesn’t love a wooden spoon? And these aren’t just your average wooden spoons. These are hand-carved, sustainably made, one-of-a-kind, wooden spoons! I’m talking some serious functional art in which beautiful designs equal beautiful kitchen tools. Below are two mixing spoons that might just earn you some baked goods in return.
Speaking of baking, another favorite kitchen tool is The Baking Journal by Magma Books. I use it to document impulse recipes and it’s been especially handy for managing the Full Moon Baking Club and quick recipes for Instagram posts. It includes blank pages for notes, a section for organizing recipes, a place for reviewing cafes and restaurants and several pages of useful tips, conversions, and reference information. For folks that are not exactly bakers but still love cooking, they might prefer The Food Journal which is very similar in design. They are basically scrapbooks for foodies but less paper craft and more for documenting thoughts, ideas and adjustments. And again, I’m telling you about these journals because I own both and recommend them because I use them!
My final culinary must-have is a cast iron skillet! Every kitchen needs at least one. They are the heirloom of pans, if ever there was such a thing, cause they will last a life time and them some. Lodge Cast Iron is a quality brand that is very affordable and preseasoned for immediate use. I own three different skillets in three different sizes, a dutch oven, and a few specialty items which is to say, I can’t recommend them enough! Below is a link to the skillet size I use most but I encourage you to browse their other designs because they have all kinds of kitchen delights! I’ve included a photo gallery of things I’ve made in using my collection to highlight their versatility. They are also fantastic pieces for camping trips or times when you need to cook over a fire.
I’ve gotta keep this list short because I have two more gift guide to create but comment any favorite kitchen items or culinary suggestions you think would make great gifts. I’d love to hear your recommendations
Also, caregivers and spoon carvers, your guides are next! Stay tuned for those suggestions. they’re coming soon!
