Of Grain and Grain  |  Tactile Explorations of Flour and Wood

By Ashley Look

  • Blog
  • Flour
  • Wood
  • Shop
  • Services
  • Events
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search
IMG_4963.JPG

Self-Care In The Chaos Of Caregiving

December 06, 2017 by Ashley Look in Caregiving

Today I want to introduce you to June Duncan, the author of the upcoming book The Complete Guide to Caregiving.  It's due for release in 2018 and offers support for friends and family members who have taken on the responsibility of caring for their loved ones. She is also the co-creator of Rise Up for Caregivers as well as the primary caregiver to her 85 year old mother.  Yes, it's all things caregiver and caregiving!  She is here today with a peak into the world of self-care with some handy tip to any new caregivers just touching down in the trenches.  Take a moment to read her words and suggestions and please comment with any thoughts or feedback.  We all recognize the need for more "village" support and therefore we  would love to hear from you on tactics that you feel do and don't work.  Thanks in advance for your participation and thank you June for embarking on the task of creating this much needed resource!

Cue June:


Image courtesy of Pixabay

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Taking care of the needs of a senior loved one is stressful, and many of us learn the hard way that life needs to be balanced to be healthy and happy.  The good news is that a lot of other people are in the same boat, so if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone.  It’s vital that you don’t neglect your own health, or you won’t be able to perform well as a caregiver.  You can reach the breaking point if you aren’t careful. 

You’re not alone

Americans are living longer, and as a result, more of us are providing supportive care to elderly family and friends than ever before.  Mayo Clinic notes that 80 percent of long-term caregiving is performed by informal caregivers.  If you are providing care to an elderly loved one, you are at risk for caregiver stress.  No matter how much you love someone, tending to their needs and watching them decline is a heavy burden.  Many times, the caregiver’s own health suffers, reducing the ability to function in many ways.  Watch for these signs that you could be overdoing it:

●     Moodiness, irritability or angering easily

●     Significant changes in weight

●     Changes in sleep habits

●     Feeling exhausted

●     Feeling overwhelmed or anxious

●     Feeling sad or depressed

●     Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy

●     Frequent headaches, pain or illness

●     Substance abuse; drinking too much or abusing drugs, including prescriptions

Self-care

It’s critical to learn to take care of your own needs and embrace self-care.  Caregiving is demanding.  Without a self-care plan, your mental and physical health can decline.  Make your burden lighter and recognize you are doing it for both yourself and your loved one.

●     Reach out.  Don’t try to do everything yourself.  Ask family members and friends to give you a break.  Think of some options and let your helper pick something to tackle, like taking your senior on an errand or for a walk, or preparing a meal once a week. 

●     Stay connected.  Engage in a support group.  Set aside time to spend with friends, and don’t become isolated.

●     Be realistic.  Make lists and prioritize. Do what you can when you can.

●     Take care of your health.  See your personal physician, and don’t put off your routine exams.  Get enough sleep, eat right and exercise. 

Finding time

You’re probably thinking to yourself that you are already maxed out; how can you squeeze in time for doctor visits, much less exercising?  The AARP offers some great advice on organizing your schedule and realizing these goals.

●     Schedule it.  Make arrangements for respite, whether from an agency or family members.

●     Organize and communicate.  Review schedules and commitments ahead of time with those sharing the caregiving burden.  Make sure there are no gaps in coverage, and that things like appointments are coordinated. 

●     Divide duties.  List responsibilities and delegate who will do what.  Make sure everyone understands who handles insurance issues, who orders prescriptions, and so on.  This eliminates concerns of schedule gaps and of duplicating efforts.

Physical well-being

Exercising is vital to your self-care routine.  According to the professionals at the Mental Health Foundation, we need to keep moving.  Activity is good for your bones, muscles and flexibility, and will also improve your mental health and well-being.  You can be active through household chores, running errands or organized exercise.  It doesn’t take long.  According to the American Psychological Association, “Usually within five minutes after moderate exercise you get a mood-enhancement effect.”

A home gym

A small home gym is a practical addition to a caregiver’s lifestyle.  It’s inexpensive, you only need a little elbow room, and you can squeeze in a workout when it’s convenient.  A handful of well-chosen pieces of equipment, like a yoga mat, dumbbells and resistance bands, will put you well on your way to fitness with minimal space, time and money.

Meet your own needs

Without tending to your own needs, your mental and physical health will suffer, and you can’t be as effective in your role.  Develop a self-care plan, get organized, manage your time well and make exercise convenient.  By taking these steps, your life will be more balanced, healthier, and you’ll be a better caregiver.

Author: June Duncan


Ok, now its your turn!  Do you feel your own health suffering?  Do you have a self-care regimen?  Are you meeting your own needs or can you express the obstacles that stand in your way?  Many of these things are easier said than done so it's important we share tips and strategies for tangible ideas that work.  The caregiver community is growing exponentially yet public resources remain scarce.  Truly addressing challenges will only come from the voices living them so lets hear it!  I'll go first.  The best thing I have done for myself within the world of caregiving/self-care was to create a schedule.  It sounds silly in that the idea of creating a schedule is obvious however, personal circumstances warrant personal tailoring for something to stick and sticking is the hard part!  You can read about it here if you are curious but now it's your turn.  Do tell!

December 06, 2017 /Ashley Look
how to feed a senior, Self-care, Rise Up for Caregivers, caregiver stress, caregiver health, caregiver schedule, self-care repair
Caregiving
2 Comments
Ingredients for a self-care scrub: coconut, rose petals, and Himalayan salt.

Ingredients for a self-care scrub: coconut, rose petals, and Himalayan salt.

Recipe For Self-Care

September 02, 2016 by Ashley Look in Caregiving, Recipes

Long story short, I need therapy.  And I need it in any form I can get it.  It could be clinical but right now I would welcome any and all forms. Massage, retail, physical, medicinal, smudge stick? They all could work.  Since my mom's abrupt passing, my life has been spinning so fast that I can't seem to tell up from down or right from wrong.  It's all a jumble of voices telling me all the things I should do.  There is no shortage of advice for the grieving but you know what the grieving should do?  Freaking grieve! Ugh, hilarious!!!  I laugh at my own suggestion because a month consumed in the end-of-life aftermath would prove that only a naive person would think our culture allows room for mourning.  No.  There is no room for that so I warn you not to get your hopes up.  Any space you create for yourself in loss is merely a distraction from our cultural demands of filing paperwork, paying lawyers, fighting probate and navigating the system.

“Job creation is code for bureaucratic paperwork.”

I used to think the system was flawed and we were a family falling through the cracks but that's not the case.   The system is not flawed.  It's fixed and I realize now that I wasn't a pawn being puppeteered by the masters but rather, I was (and remain) a cog, diligently filing the paperwork and stroking the flame of "progress".  At a later date I might go into more detail about these things but in effort to stay on topic I'll quickly say this; job creation is code for bureaucratic paperwork. If you are curious to understand what I mean watch this Ted Talk.  Our situations are different but exactly the same and at this point I struggle with defeat.

See what I mean?  There is a darkness here and I live with it daily.  It's not grief. I wish I had room for grief but I am so consumed with a bitter disgust for the way the world works that I feel I need a complete cleanse of the mind, body, and spirit.  My thoughts are bitter, I feel like crap, and my spirit...  Like I said... Defeat.  To crush the souls of the living I am sure steals magic from the world.  One by one, I can feel the world becoming a dangerous place as those like me take there position alongside the army of the raged.  It's an army of those who feel burned and irrationally waiting to strike, given the opportunity. It's not a good place.  

Therapy.

Therapy.

So, what's the fix? I'm going to try swimming.  For the month of September I am going to practice with the city's master's swim club which is an adult swim program that holds practices daily with a coach. I am hoping I can swim the rage right out of myself and get back to a more forgiving person I am comfortable being.  I am only saying this here for accountability because these days it's hard to hold myself to anything other than pajamas. 

Magic.

Magic.

I'm also putting faith into all the other magic the world is gonna throw my way. The awesome folks at the Jewelry Studio of Wellfleet sent me an amethyst necklace, symbolic of healing and comfort for the grieving.  What they probably didn't realize was amethyst was my mom's birthstone and purple was her favorite color.  Right now it's so much more than a necklace.  It's a shroud to treat the wounds of a broken heart.  

Magician's hands.

Magician's hands.

My mom and I, we were just getting started.  Her hands were harbingers with talent and creativity that was unmatched, even against Alzheimer's. For the first time in a long while I felt traction for "promise".  I was embracing the role of caregiver. Re-branding it even... I started to feel the potential and together, I imagined us making great things.  I was just finishing up the foundation when she was stolen from us, a loss that feels like insult to injury.  It's been a raw deal these last few years...  I'm bitter and things are dark but what would you expect after being repeatedly shown that wounds don't heal, they only grow deeper.

Depression is ok to visit but not a good place to live. Thus begins the journey of moving on.  Last night was a new moon which is said to usher in new energy. I'm ready.  I look forward to clarity and hopefully the calm it could bring. I am anxious for some stillness and a twinkle of light...

TLDR: Plan your days by the light of the moon as the sun will never wait for you to catch your breath.

UPDATE 9/21/16: I've been cross posting the details of this journey on Instagram @ashleylook1 under #selfcarerepair.

September 02, 2016 /Ashley Look
Alzheimer's Disease, Self-care, Depression, Therapy, Amethyst, Swimming, Grief, caregiving
Caregiving, Recipes
8 Comments
 
Search