Craft Is Cure

Immediately out of elbow surgery I thought about spoon carving. I was fearful that this gift of a hobby, my passion craft, my so-called therapy for so much pain in life, was suddenly something inaccessible. I didn’t think about work. I didn’t think about conquering activities for daily living. I just thought about spoons….

Sadly, carving the spoon you see pictured was harder than expected. I figured since the surgery was on my nondominant arm, I’d be able to fumble through this pretty well. And to those of you that haven’t carved a wooden spoon, you might think I’m well on my way. And sure, you are probably right. The carving and the healing; they are just going to require a bit more patience, which is a virtue I’m feeling extra short on lately.

Here’s where I’m stuck. For those of you that have been here for a while, you are more than aware that I’ve spent most the past decade in relative isolation. I spent six years as a caregiver to both my parents before they passed, and then another two years riding out Covid. What I’m truly struggling with isn’t so much the arm recovery but the time I’ve spent mostly alone (or with people that couldn’t communicate). In the past, I’ve always turned back to my hobbies. I spent the hours baking breads and carving spoons, trying to peacefully accept being “stuck” during those periods. But now feels rather exceptionally cruel. Just when I was feeling surface under my feet and some traction moving forward, I’m stuck again, and this time without my hobbies as therapy.

I’m in my third week of physical therapy and trust that with time my abilities will improve. I know I’ll regain strength and better my range of motion, even if a second surgery is required. But what do I do in the meantime? What’s the quickest cure?

“You have to make time, to take time...”

— Ashley Look

Don’t answer that! Actually, I already know what you’d say. That “in time things will get better and I need to continue to exercise patience”. Ya, I know. I know, I know! And I’m going to give myself the same advice I give everyone I’ve taught to carve a spoon or bake bread… “You have to make time, to take time!” And I will. I am… And I will finish this spoon!

What To Expect From Social Distancing

Day 11 in isolation:

Let me tell you folks, as someone that spent relatively five years in isolation, You. Can. Do. This!

Most of you that follow me here already know the story. My parents got sick and I had to abruptly leave my job, my apartment ,my partner, my new car, my everything, to care for not one but two parents with ALZ and dementia. Blah, blah, blah... It was the f’ing worst! It was my whole world and it crashed around me in an instant. Oh, and spoiler alert, everyone died. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and in the wake of this crisis, you need to know you can do this, and it’s gonna f’ing SUCK!

I’m thinking about reviving this site to share more about the isolation experience as I see so many suffering with the dynamics of all this change. And I wish I could say being away from all your friends and family will be easy, but I can’t. It’s not. It’s the worst f’ing thing I’ve ever experienced and I did it for five F’ING years!!!!

But! And there is a really big BUT here... Isolation teaches you things about yourself that the world itself cannot and I encourage everyone to just take a deep breath and think about your fear. Is it loss of income? Is it loneliness? Is it the loss of your stability or worse… death?

Tell me what it is and maybe I can share what I gained when I faced those things alone. Maybe it will help calm you if you’re feeling scared. I was scared for a good long while and I still am... but perhaps not to the same degree. I’m not the same person I was when this journey first started. The years changed me but I’m better for it and I’m happy to share more of that experience if you think it might be helpful.

Tip #1: Get a hobby!
Stay healthy and stay home! Love to you all!

{Originally posted on Instagram on March 23, 2020.}

Cinnamon Rolls

These cinnamon rolls don't exactly represent my dietary belief in "how to feed a senior" but you know... Life is for living!  Items like these gooey cinnamon rolls feed happiness and I think that's just as important as nutrition when it comes to living a good life.  We need to indulge more in simple pleasures.  That's been a real thing for me lately.  Simple pleasures...  I keep an eye out, trying to take note of when I happen upon one and I'm often surprised at their ubiquity.  Sometimes observing one turns into a slew many and I feel a wave of gratitude for this "time" and that doesn't quite fit the stereotype of the caregiver demise.

Caregiving can feel much like purgatory but I'm often taken aback at the moments I catch myself quite content with my baking, gardening, and crafting. I'm frequently bitter at all the moments this experience has stolen from me but its been long enough now that I've come to accept the terms.  There's no going back to the days of what was.  There's only forward. And in this march, I've grown deeper into my hobbies.  This journey is cultivating skills that only come with time and for that I am grateful.

Ingredients

For the rolls:

• 3 cups flour + more for kneeding
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 2 tsp active dry yeast
• 1 1/2 cups warm water

The filling:

• 1/2 stick of melted butter
• 3/4 cup of brown sugar
• 1 tbsp of cinnamon (or even more to taste preference)

The frosting:

• 1/2 cup of softened cream cheese
• 2 tbsp softened butter
• 1/8 cup of powdered sugar (or more or less per taste)
• 1 tsp of vanilla extract

Directions

1. Combine all the ingredients for the rolls into a large bowl and mix to combine. Add a dusting of extra flour as necessary to absorb moisture and work into a manageble dough ball.
2. Turn dough ball out onto a floured surface and kneed for about 10 minutes adding flour as necessary to keep the dough from sticking.
3. After the dough is well combined and you are done kneeding, lightly oil a large bowl and place the dough in it and give it a swirl so the dough has been lightly oiled. This will keep it from sticking to the bowl later.
4. Cover the bowl and let rise for about 1 hour or until it's doubled in size.
5. While the dough rises prep the frosting.
6. Place all the frosting ingredients in a bowl and combine with a mixer till all ingredients are well incorporated (be careful not to over mix).
7. In another small bowl combine the brown sugar and cinnamon for the filling and set aside.
8. When the dough has doubled in size, dump it out onto a floured surface.
9. Roll it out into a rectangular shape roughly 1/2 inch thick.
10. Drizzle the melted butter on top and brush it to cover the top leaving an inch on all sides.
11. Sprinkle the brown sugar/cinnamon mixture evenly over the buttered area.
12. Starting with a long side, roll the dough up into a long dough snake (Dough snake? Is that a thing?).
13. Cut the dough into 2 inch pieces, discarding the two end pieces that lack the filling.
14. Place the rolls cut-sides up into a buttered pan, nestling them next to eachother but leaving room for them to rise more.
15. Cover and let rest for about 30 minutes
16. Meanwhile begin preheating the oven to 375 F degree.
17. After 30 minutes and the rolls have swollen in size, place in the oven and bake for 30-35ish minutes until the tops turn golden brown and the inside tempurature reaches 160 degrees F.
18. After baking scoop spoonfuls of the frosting on top while the rolls are hot.
19. Wait a few minutes and let the frosting melt a little then spread it around the tops in sheer decadence.
20. Next, give most of these away so you don't die from a binge eating bender... ;)