By Ashley Look
A playlist for grief. Photo credit: Mike LaBrum and Zoran Kokanovic
Music for a mood…
“Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.”
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Early sourdough fermentation bubbles in my starter.
It’s been incredible watching the internet boom with bread baking. The dough life is everywhere and the breads are looking amazing! I’ve been on the bread train for a while now, so when this new wave of bakers emerged, I was caught somewhat off guard. Dare I say, “jealous” you’ve been baking without me? Luckily, FOMO is a pre-coronavirus complex since we’re all stuck at home these days. But dang! You guys with your bread flex right now brings me so much joy. I’ve been seeing so many sourdough starters in my Facebook feed that I figured we needed a support group for all the questions. Seriously though, you guys are champions! I’m loving all the close-ups of fermentation bubbles, and those sexy hooch lines. It’s like the baker’s version of the first day of school and your starter’s already on the honor roll!
I know some of you created a starter because you were running low on yeast. Smart move! Others, feel left behind cause they are completely without. Fortunately, you’re not out of the bread game just yet. You can easily collect wild yeast to make a sourdough starter. Once your starter is active you’re good to go. When it comes to working it into recipes, I typically use about a 1/4 cup per loaf. There’s a ton of information out there about how and when to feed your starter, weighing the flour, blah, blah blah… Personally, I can’t be bothered with the details and save that for the professionals like Sarah Owens and Tara Jensen. They are the darlings of sourdough in my book, so if you wanna dive deep, check them out. Otherwise, if you see a hooch layer forming, it’s time for another feeding.
As for getting back into baking with the Full Moon Baking Club I figure now is as good as any for a reboot! Rather than post a recipe this month, I figured we should just get our starters up to snuff so in a month we can get our bake on. If you have yeast, you can explore the recipes on the Full Moon Baking Club page, or if your starter is ready, you can get experimental and try out the Fermented Loaf recipe.
On a personal note, I’ll tell you my starter you see above is a newbie. It’s less than two weeks old and although I see signs of activation, it’s really all about feeding it at this point. I’ve been doing this twice a day now after five days of catching yeast using the wild method above. It only occurred to me to start a new one after soaking my flour mix to make this molasses loaf.
Starter or not, keep baking! I’ve found that making something with your own two hands, is rewarding. Even in failure, the reward is there. Right now it might be the antidote for boredom but as someone that has baked for years for both friends, family, and full crews at sea, warm treats from the oven always delight! I used to joke that I’ve never met a problem that a fresh cookie couldn’t solve and I would say the same goes for a hot loaf of bread! So bake and have fun! If the lockdown life leads to an economic depression, at least you’ll know how to use the flour rations. Ha!
Actually, that’s terrifying Don’t think about that.. Just go pour off the hooch and feed your new pet. We have some baking to do! And as you begin your journey into sourdough, know that you’re are backed by the ultimate bread nerd. Submit your questions in the comments so I can geek out on this one. I’ll do my best to coach you through any problem. Good luck and I look forward to baking with you next month!
When forced to stay home, it can be hard to stay organized but a little bit of structure goes a long way.
What-up folks!
Isolation issues got you down? If the stay-at-home orders, quarantines, and and all things social distancing have created a blur of your life, fear not! I have cracked the code on tracking time and have some suggestions for how you can stay organized while staying at home. During my five years of housebound caregiving, I learned a bit about defining structure when time seems irrelevant. The Wednesdayness of days becomes a struggle when there’s no real beginning or end and that’s what this post will address. The structure below helped me conceptualize each week with an element of flow and thereby removing that sense of stagnation and monotony. It’s not rocket science but it still took me about two and a half years to find a formula that worked. What I realized was every day observed through the eye of time was inconsequential. What made a difference was having a rhythm to each week and applying that rhythm cyclically in the face of time. This is what restored my sense of purpose over the long term. I’m sure most of you don’t want to wait two plus years to figure-out a personal strategy so I’m gonna share my tips below so you can immediately attempt to protect your sanity. I’ve provided sections for how I like to think about both life and fitness within the days of the week, and then I cycle through the themes week after week. And please don’t mistake this as some productivity challenge or something. It’s not a tool meant to achieve everything on your list. It’s just a different perspective for organizing the day to day which for me, was the thing that kept my mental health intact for years when I couldn’t leave the house.
Before we jump into the meat of this post, let’s get clear on one thing real quick. We all need to calm the F down. To think anyone can simply make a sweeping adjustment of lifestyle on a dime is absurd. We aren’t even a month into this Coronalife train wreck and I can sense the communal freak-out of everyone scrambling to keep life somewhat “normal”. Stop doing that! Just S T O P. Nothing about this is normal and you are wasting time living in denial. Although this might seem like a slow moving car crash as we watch it unfold day by day, in truth it’s a sudden and dramatic change that deserves a significant pause to check for life-altering wounds. Anyone that’s experienced whiplash knows, a pain in the neck can be a significant blow, even when the neck’s not broken. So, rather than dive into online work meetings and the home-schooling curriculum, take a good hard look at your situation and determine the safety and security of your family unit. Create a budget and assess your resources. And resources are not exclusively financial. Does someone in your household cook? Food security is important right now as we all try and limit our trips outside the home. Who’s the tech guru? Is there someone in the house that easily understands computers? (Might be your kid.) How about cleaning, or home repair, or just best at not touching their face? When you really start assessing your situation, different strengths and weakness will emerge that will help guide your momentum forward but it’s important to take in the big picture. You need that macro perspective of your new normal before thinking about thriving in it. Quarantine and social distancing measure might very well be here for months, if not longer, so I encourage you all to take the necessary time to asses your situation so you can, with a rational mind, make smart decisions.
And now for your sanity…
I know many of you are falling victim to the nothingness of life in isolation and this was a huge problem for me until I figured out a schedule that helped me manage the time. I’m now acutely aware of how external accountability was the force behind everything I did prior to becoming a caregiver. We hold ourselves to deadlines, social norms, and even hygiene imposed by our relationships to others. But stripped of that external influence, it’s quickly apparent that we often take those things for granted as well as having little regard for personal standards. And now, even our self-discipline is being publicly questioned as phone surveillance highlights our (in)ability to follow social-distancing guidelines. Perhaps this is just proof that we are our own worst company… Escaping the house might be the craving for fresh air, or essential needs, or perhaps it’s the very real threat of abuse, in which case, you need to stop reading my suggestions and click here. But, another significant itch to break free from lockdown, is to relieve the frustrations around the nothingness. Seeking external stimulation is a way to stave off boredom because life has become either dissatisfying or uninteresting. But good news! Boredom is mental. With a little bit of structure and personal accountability you can beat the boredom and escape the nothingness! Seriously, addressing your mental health right now is the key to not only survive this pandemic but potentially thrive within the circumstances. You need to adapt and you need to do it quickly because we are all counting on you. The whole world is literally counting on YOU to uphold social order by social distancing and it’s time for us all to get our heads on straight and do our part.
Below are my suggestions for how to go about making your day to day more manageable. It’s one thing to say we “should” all become full-time homebodies but seeing as this is new for most folks it’s difficult without some sort of how-to outline So, here’s an outline. I can’t stress it enough when I say the structure needs to work for you so adapt it as necessary. It’s also worth noting that I prefer this structure, because it’s dynamic and changes every day unlike many of the suggested schedules I have seen floating around online. The feeling of flowing or having a rhythm to the week is important in regards to time and a schedule that offers the same structure repeatedly is going to lead right back to boredom. This structure is cyclical with its themes so it does repeat, however it requires unique brain work each day thereby supporting your mental health with a dose of self-care. You Ready?
This is the mail, the bills, paperwork, phone calls, etc... All the stuff that's keeping the household afloat. It's all the stuff of modern nightmares that feels overwhelming while it sits on a desk or counter-top somewhere keeping the clutter alive. I find dealing with this administrative type stuff frustrating and equally time consuming but it's important. It’s the last thing I typically choose to work on which is why I put it right up front, so I can get it out of the way and put the dread behind me for the rest of the week. Nonetheless, tackling this stuff is the flashlight for darkness. When you move through these tasks, you get a good picture of your state of affairs, allowing you to consciously move forward from there. And it really doesn’t matter right now if you are working from home or a stay-at-home mom. We are all stay-at-home people right now, trying our best to keep some level of normalcy. Attending to the tedious stuff and staying organized will help keep your situation healthy. Take the time to open and sort the mail. Take the time to create the zoom account, do your taxes, or download that delivery app. Make the day your personal administrative day and use it to manage the household as a business. There are a lot of moving parts right now but the most important thing you can do is get a grip with your housebound life. As the week unfolds and administrative affairs start to pile back up, make a note to address those things next Monday. Avoid the trap of dealing with this stuff throughout the week because it will consume you, you’ll get bored and then you’ll start ignoring it. That’s when things fall through the cracks. Just stay the course and I promise you that week over week, you’ll regain a sense of control and feel better about sheltering in place.
When it comes to physical health I like to make Mondays my cardio day. Why? Because similarly to turning on the light, cardio is the equivalents of turning on the engine. It’s the beginning of the week and I like the idea of firing-up the “machine”. Think of your body as your work computer. You start it up on Monday and typically leave it on till Friday. That initial surge of power is what boots your computer and I found it helpful to think of the body in the same way. If I can get the blood pumping early in the week, it sets me up for success. I call that a win! And when you “win” Monday you pretty much win the week. And I know how everyone hates Monday but as the days pass, and you find yourself living in the perpetual Wednesday, Mondays will start to taste a little bit sweet just knowing that they mark the definitive start to the next cycle. Oh, and speaking of machines… don’t forget to start your car!
I designate Tuesdays for research type stuff. By this I mean I take the time to “figure-out” the things. This might look like conducting an inventory, or Youtubing how to fix the dryer, scouring Pinterest for a new recipe, or ugh…researching unemployment benefits?! The investigative process also eats a way at our time and often keeps us from improving our lives in some way because we don’t prioritize the chance to learn. Researching things takes time and is an essential component in educating ourselves. If you want to learn the thing, you have to study the thing or at least give it some amount of research to develop comfortability.
So… Tuesday! If you had a successful Monday then you likely embraced some new information. For example, just because you downloaded the Robinhood app to start day trading or joined the Postmate Fleet to offer local deliveries doesn’t always mean your comfortable using them. So why not take the day to schedule in some learning. Or why not take the day to figure out how you are going to respond to all those emails? Or pay those bills? Unless you’re a healthcare worker or city manager of some kind, you can afford to slow down. Panicking won’t get you very far. It might even get you hurt so just slow down, take a deep breath and explore your options when it comes to doing X, Y, and Z.
Why should you do upper body on Tuesdays? Because it’s still early in the week. Obligations remain heavy at this time, meaning, you still have a lot to do before you get to the weekend. For me that feels like “weight” on my shoulders so I just go with it. Tuesdays in my mind are still an uphill battle and I just put that concept to work physically with attention to my upper body on that day. It might sound strange but this logic works for me. For the first time ever I felt a sense of… alignment? It sounds crazy but something about matching my body-work to the cultural work flow really meshed. And the best part is eliminating the “what am I gonna do today” headache. Previously, I would spend mental energy developing my “workout strategy”, somehow trying to devise my exercise plan, only to feel exhausted by what I was going to do, rather than the exercises themselves. This concept removed the issue of what. If its Tuesday, then I know I’m doing arms. I can drop and do some push-ups, or squeeze in some dips, and then move on to other things more deserving of my mental space.
Wednesday Shemednsday…
It feels like everyday is a Wednesday right now. But, this is why I think Wednesday deserves a little love. It’s the center of the week so why not make it the center of your life? Hear me out…
If Wednesday is the center, then it also implies balance and with so much talk of work/life balance, even before the Rona, why not let Wednesday become that day for things you love? For me this consists of spoon carving, bread making, pressing flowers, and other crafty endeavors that reflect my passions. They are only hobbies but with the consistent nurturing of them, they have grown into much more. Spoon carving has since grown into a small business and bread baking helped me connect with new friends through the Full Moon Baking Club. Neither of these things saved anyone’s life but my own, and I mean that in the sense that they gave me a creative outlet in which to enjoy the monotony of time stuck at home. I no longer make excuses for why I haven’t gotten to the fun projects on my back burner. I just do them on Wednesdays, intentionally allowing them a spot on my calendar, smack dab in the middle of everything, right where they belong.
The emptiness of this time will consume you without a plan that considers activities you find fulfilling. (Hashtag retirement?) It’s important that you hang-on to the things you love or else you could lose yourself to the tedium of routine. This entire schedule attempts to eliminate much of that dreariness but it also offers a chance for you to dive deeper into those forgotten favorites, and reshape priorities that better align with your personal values. That’s something worth exploring and you should take advantage of it while the time is available.
I’m guessing you know where this is headed. Core work! Yep. If you’re in the middle of the week, work the middle of yourself, and that can include the abs and back exercises of your choice. Personally, I don’t think it matters much which specific exercises you do so long as you do them. Again, for me the hard part was determining what to work-out and with that out of the way, I am free to just do the sets that pop into mind. It’s also fairly easy to recall the previous weeks exercises since I only do them one day a week and therefore switch it up a bit to keep things interesting. But this is not rocket science. This is literally as dumbed down as it gets because the whole point is not to over think it. It’s not that hard to come-up with a couple core exercises you can do at home. You got this.
Community Outreach seems a bit weird in the age of social distancing but you’d be surprised how much of it remains. Remember all those emails you opened on Monday? Well, today’s your day to respond if you haven’t all ready. Give yourself this time to connect with the necessary people in your world. This is you being proactive. Send out the memo, schedule the appointment, make the phone call, do the launch… This is all stuff you are pushing out and into the world to give it shape on your own terms. If Mondays are the defensive days where you respond to what been coming “in”, then Thursdays are for playing offense and the ball’s in your court. Take your shot. Push your energy out. Exercise your own leadership by making things happen, especially on Thursdays!
At this point we are over the hump. If you can imagine the work week as this mountain and Wednesday was the peak, Thursday has us coming down the other side. And although the stress of that uphill battle is behind you, you still need to make it down the mountain without collapsing. For me, that means leg day! Squats, lunges, what have you. It’s a good day for leg work because again, the alignment is there to flow with the rhythm of the week, allowing for some relative ease in the process. Why swim upstream when you can float down it? It’s just easier. And I don’t know about you guys but I’m not in the mood for more challenges at the moment. Life is hard enough and I’m just trying to keep all the components intact. Go with the flow…
You are so close to the weekend at this point that chances are slim you have the mental capacity to deal with anything that feels “work” related. So why not just accept that? Even if you’ve managed to keep your job, working from home has caused everything to slow down. I don’t see the harm in accepting life for how it is. So rather than pretend you’re going to actually do work on this day, I would encourage you to switch gears and focus on making your house feel homey. If your gonna be stuck mostly inside, you might as well make the space comfortable. Spend some time organizing or tiding up. This doesn’t mean going on an epic purge, all Marie Kondo style. That actually sounds like a lot of f’ing work. Instead, take the day to focus on the weekend. Get your place ready for some downtime. I know many of you utilize the weekends for chores and such but that actually destroys the integrity of the weekend. And we’ll get to more on that in a minute but for now, allow yourself the virtue of easing into the next phase of your week which ideally is slower, less productive, and a well deserved break, in order to recover and start again. That being said, I find you must take initiative to protect those days or it doesn’t happen and the best way I’ve found to do that, is by being proactive before it arrives. Anticipate the weekend! Make it something to look forward to regardless of not being able to go anywhere.
Oh snap! It’s the home stretch so obviously, stretching is on the menu. Easing into the weekend with power lifting or some intense cardio just doesn’t do it for me. I’m more inclined to run to happy hour than run for health and that’s just how it it is. Can’t say that I’m proud of that but I’m also over pretending I’m anyone different than who I am. I’m not someone that’s in love with working out. It’s more like maintenance. It’s just something I have to do like vacuuming or paying bills and this strategy not only makes the whole idea of “fitness” more tolerable for me, it has also enabled me to stick with a “program” that works. I hate to even call it a “program” because I just made it up out of the desperate need to find a routine that both worked at home and my 10,000 excuses. And, if you are anything like me, you might have similar tendencies and to that I say, grab the wine and get on your mat! Take a sip, lay down and then roll around loosening all the tight spots. This doesn’t have to be a full blown yoga routine. It’s just a little somethin somethin to close-out the week with a small nod to health before the weekend debauchery!
Debauchery say wha?! Yeah. Pretty much…
Ok, here’s the thing about Saturdays. Remember above, where I said tasks and chores were ruining the integrity of the weekend? Well here’s why… When you neglect to protect a place for rest in your schedule then you always live from the place of “catch-up”. Meaning, if you always have something scheduled then you leave yourself no room to go back. You’re on a constant cycle of churn and burn and either exhaustion or boredom will squash even the best intentions. However, if you have a day that serves as a “free space”, that gives you an entire day to catch-up on anything you missed during the week. There is a difference between scheduling tasks that should get done, verse choosing tasks because you have the time. Although they may look similar in action, the difference is in the feeling when pursuing activities as a choice. The freedom of being able to say yes or no is the privileged you have over protecting your mental health. You can’t do all the things, all the time. To ignore your own desires, is you giving away your power to influence your environment. I’m not saying to ignore pressing needs cause again, you have the freedom to address them if you choose. I’m just suggesting you make room to explore your energetic slack. It’s not only ok to give yourself a break, it’s important to acknowledge the monotony of life right now has its own grind and can wear you down.
Dude. It’s no rule. If I were you, I’d up the ante on indulgence! Make cinnamon rolls and drink a beer, all while binging on Netflix in pajamas. Let go of regimen, just for the day, and relish in the chance to explore what you fancy. Take the day off so you can get back to the workweek recovered and with the strength for self-discipline. That discipline part is an increasingly important component in adapting to our new normal, so use this day as a life exhale. If you missed some exercises from earlier in the week then go for it, if you’re game. But if not, then don’t do it, and don’t feel guilty. The best part of this style of “cyclical” training is that you can theoretically skip an entire week of exercise but convince yourself you really only skipped a day. How ya like that logic? It’s good right?! ;)
This is for whatever needs to happen to prepare for the coming week. For me this includes things like laundry, groceries, cleaning any common areas that got destroyed in my Saturday bender… I also tend to bake a bread, or make a big meal that will provide for a few days of leftovers. Most this stuff you could defined as chores but they’re the kind of things that prepare you for a strong start, rolling into the next cycle. A little prep on Sundays can go a long way to starting the week out on the right foot.
It’s depressing to think we lost our sense of purpose just because we’ve lost our jobs. That’s really just a misunderstanding. By redefining your schedule to reflect your needs, absent of the clock is a step towards reconnecting with your values. Jobs are not an indication of self worth. That’s just the mind f*ck and the confusion, depressions and paralysis you’re feeling in the shake-up is just the bangover between now and what’s next. The best thing we can do during the interim, is prepare ourselves for hard times but it’s hard to prepare anything without a plan. So take the time… Take the day to think about what you’re going to tackle tomorrow so when you get-up in the morning you have the beginnings of an action plan.
Meditate!
Yeah… I don’t do it either but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea. However, if that’s not your thing there are lots of other ways to use your brain. My go-to is books. I like reading and typically do so at night before bed which means I usually fall asleep on the same paragraph every night. I really only get ahead by taking some time on Sundays to read on the couch. Twenty minutes turns into two hours and next thing you know, I’m so sucked into the story, that I’m staying up all night just to finish. I’ve also gotten back into journaling. I’ve gone through phases where I’d keep a journal, mostly while traveling, or going through a break-up or some situation that I need help processing. Journaling helps me get the drama out so I could move on with whatever. And ya know what? This appears to be one of those times. I don’t know about you all but my mind has been racing with thoughts for weeks now and it’s nice to have a place to park them other than Facebook or Instagram. My point is it’s helpful to have a constructive distraction. Be it a puzzle, a book, or even a bath; engage in something that offers a mental escape.
Alright, I know this is beyond long and I’m trying to wrap this up while the pandemic is still relevant. But before I leave you to digest my mental vomit, I want to stress the importance of ADAPTABILITY during this time. We are not in a healthcare crisis or an economic crisis or whatever type of institutional crisis they are gonna throw at us. We are in a national state of emergency which means chaos is on all fronts. If you go to sleep now it’s going to be hard to catch-up so I urge you all to stay aware of the pace of change even if you don’t feel it directly. The lag in our cultural mentality is at threat with our cultural conscience. The fact that the virus is rolling out in waves means some parts of the country won’t understand the severity of the crisis until well after some states have peaked. The peak is not the end. Every state will have to come down the other side and just as we’ve seen some states lag in response, we’ll likely also experience fledgling anticipation to get back to life before it’s safe. The point of this post is to provide you with some tools for how to be ok with being home for potentially a very long time. It’s one thing for officials to tell us that staying home is in our best interest but without tools and coping mechanisms, I fear we’re set-up for failure. I am not an expert on surviving a pandemic but I have a lot of experience to adapting to sudden and isolating change so, these are my tips. I hope they are helpful and I hope some of you have tips of your own that you’d be willing to share. People are going to struggle with this and their success directly influences our ability to move beyond this virus. Share your thoughts! Share your feelings. This is a time to share and connect and guide each other with compassion. Comparisons don’t matter. Race, gender, class… none of that matters. This is a human experience; one with the largest unifying opportunity we might ever experience in our lifetime. It will include anger and grief, and perhaps most importantly vulnerability. How we treat each other during this time will shape our culture for years to come. I’m begging you to act with your heart.
Take love you good people!
