Clementine and Walnut Tea Cake With Honey

It’s citrus season which means if you aren’t indulging in crates of those little Cuties, you are missing out! They are easy to peel and typically seedless making them the perfect snack when you’re craving a little something but trying to avoid sheer junk. I’ve been known to down them three or four at a time resulting in odd looks from others in the room. But that’s only until they get their hands on one and next thing you know, they too are deep diving into a citrus bender. Although, I’m not sure there’s such thing as a “citrus bender”. Fresh fruit is nature’s candy and I give myself a free pass when it comes to loading up. But, sometimes you want a more traditional bender. Something with a hint of “bad” diet so you can enjoy the feeling of indulgence. I personally don’t subscribe to any particular diet crazes but I still “get it”. Junk food is a guilty pleasure, the optimal word here being p l e a s u r e…

Aside from the artificial ingredients, it’s the guilt that’s gonna kill us. I heard somewhere that guilt is linked to chronic pain. I have no idea if that’s true, but my gut tells me it is. I developed a relationship with caregiver guilt while I was taking care of my parents and I know it’s something moms also experience when they need to step away from their children. We give ourselves permission to hurt with guilt, acknowledging our “less-thanness” without ever honoring the courage it takes to choose more.

I wish I could say that I’m done with guilt. It’s gotten much better now that my folks have both passed, and I can say that I feel relief and satisfaction from the choices I made along the way. Those choices have not been without consequences and everyday since, I am reminded that my current situation is the result of having CARED for my aging parents. I imagine how different things would be if I didn’t care. I imagine that version of myself would have more money, more success, more stability… But I also imagine that she would have some mental health issues around being a disappointment. I’m not sure I’d be able to look at her squarely in the mirror without shame. I can imagine that my not caring would have manifested into crippling guilt as when a life passes, you realize you can never go back. Amends for mistakes can no longer be shared with those that may have been on the receiving end, ultimately creating more work for you and your psyche. Do you see the problem here?

As we age, we start to lose things. We lose our health, our youthful good looks, and in cases of dementia, even our minds… In some instances maybe that’s not the worst thing. Depending on how we live, we might want to forget, as the anguish of regret becomes its own debilitating burden. Guilt is mental junk food and we need to stop feeding our minds with it! But what does that mean for guilty pleasure? Is there no room? Of course there is! The difference is we own it. We know our indulgent behaviors coax our pleasure receptors and feeling good IS our WHY. So why not? Choose pleasure and stay conscious of the guilt while remaining mindful that you have the c o u r a g e to chose yourself first!

The way I see it, the route to aging better is to care more about the care “giver”. The caregiver is the link between an ailing individual and their quality of life. Whether that means YOU or someone you’ve hired, invest in that person. Take care of that person so they may continue the selfless work they are doing. They are the ones keeping the person, the culture, and ultimately the system from deteriorating. They are the greatest representation of our civil society, filling the crack spaces of social services, many of which flounder in neglect.

Caregivers are destitute. They are working for pennies, if not for free! So good gawd, let them cake! Let’s help them eat some effing cake!!!! Let’s remind them that the village is here, fully intact, and they can rest without guilt because we are here too… sharing the burden because this is how situations get better. People care…

Close-up of all the caramelized citrus goodness…

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 2 tsp clementine zest
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/8 cup heavy cream
• 3 round slices of clementine
• 1/8 cup juice from clementine
• 1 egg
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1 to 2 tsp of honey

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease a bread pan and lay your clementine rings in the bottom
3. Take two bowls and in one add all the wet ingredients (except the honey) and in the other add the dry. Mix both separately then combine.
4. Carefully pour the batter into the bread pan (so as not to shift the rings) and bake for roughly 50 minutes until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
5. When finished baking, carefully remove the bread and cool on a cooling rack.
6. Once cooled you can slice the dome that formed while baking, off the "top" and invert the loaf so it rests easily with the celementine rings on full display.
7. Then lightly drizzle the honey over the top allowing it to absorb into the cake before cutting into slices.

How To Feed A Sailor

So, if you are following along with my story of Life After Caregiving for parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia in the pandemic era (see previous post), then you know that I am currently mid quarantine with some fellow crew members of the SSV Corwith Cramer. We have a few more days until we board the ship and my time has been spent preparing the food order for our month long voyage around the coast of Florida. I get lots of questions about the provisioning process and meal planning, so I thought I’d share a bit of what that’s like.

First I should mention the process of provisioning. Since I am typically providing three meals and three snacks a day for 30+ people, loading the ship with the necessary amount of food for a six week voyage is no short undertaking. Typically we work with a local supplier that delivers the provisions to the dock where the crew and I spend the entire day stowing it throughout the ship. While the crew works mostly on removing the excess packaging and sorting it by categories, I’m typically loading the freezer and reefer ( the boat refrigerator) in some semblance of organization. I say semblance because the volume of food we must carry results in a major packing effort. As much I hope to have specific zones for supplies, it’s often several weeks before the food has thinned out and I can reach for specific items. Until that point, it’s somewhat chaotic. What I mean by that is, meal “planning” consists primarily of items that aren’t easily accessible. The last thing I want is an avalanche of food descending upon me as I try to retrieve ingredients so my game plan tends to be “make whatever I can reach work” because just getting to the reefer/freeze is eventful.

What do I mean by eventful? Well, there is an element of gymnastic/ yoga involved when it comes to managing the galley territory. Items are stored in tight places and hard to reach spots. My day to day work routine is exhausting and beginning around 4:45 AM every morning, I make my way down this galley hatch which is literally a hole in the galley floor (aka sole) that leads to dry stores which houses the reefer and freezer. Now, I realize these aren’t the best of photos but hopefully they provide you with a sense of what’s involved. Every time I need to get something from either the reefer or the freezer I must crawl through this hatch, collect the items and climb back up. Unfortunately, the space below is only about 5 feet high so I also must manage an awkward posture while I’m down there, and remain vigilant not to bump my head. The engineers and I have had many-a-conversations about head banging. It’s a painful yet bonding experience that brings our two departments together forever! #LOVE

This brings me to the reefer and freezer themselves. I mention above that meal “planning” is somewhat out of question because they are both so full when we depart that it’s just unrealistic to assume you will easily find a particular item. Rather, I just grab whatever’s in front because, as you can see in the freezer photo below, there is not much space to maneuver things. (Sorry about the photo quality. I don’t have many shots of this kind of stuff.)

Just based on what I can see in this photo, I’d probably make something like:

• Breakfast: Blueberry danishes made with puff pastry (which is what I think is in that white box) and some orange juice cause there is a carton of it sitting in the door frame.

• Lunch: That bag of veggie burgers with roasted potatoes or something? I’d have to make some burger buns to go with them and any gluten free folks would get that Udi’s bread you can see sticking out up top.

• Dinner: Salmon fillets with whatever veg is accessible in the reefer.

• Snack: English muffin pizzas cause they are right on top and there is a huge bag of cheese right at the door.

This is a typical freezer situation when starting out on a six week voyage.

It’s not the most excited menu but as you can imagine, time erodes the supplies. This makes my life easier as the space opens up allowing me to shuffle items around and enabling more creativity with the things at hand. After about two to three weeks at sea I am able to “dig” for items that I know are I packed in certain areas. The issue at that point is the movement of the boat as items then have a tendency to move around. In addition to banging my head, my hands are vulnerable to being pinched between frozen meats and milk crates. Eek!

I should also mention that this is just the storage of fresh and frozen food items. All the canned goods and sauces and pastas, and cleaning supplies… all that stuff is stored throughout the ship under individual bunks (aka berths or beds on a boat). Again, I don’t have the best photos of this because I’ve been too busy taking sunset pics and not the various holes/cavities of ship storage so bear with me on these images. Below is a shot of my bed. Above is the bed for my cabin roommate. Under my mattress is a piece of wood which can be removed and leads to a space that’s roughly about 3 feet deep by 7 feet long by 3 feet wide and houses all those extra items I mentioned above. These compartments exist under each “lower” bunk throughout the ship and it’s my job to retrieve the necessary items for each meal. I delegate this task as much as possible but it’s safe to say that I am scurrying about the boat constantly throughout the day.

This is where I sleep when I’m on board.

Long story short, food management is a complicated component of sailing. The ordering process is terrifying for anyone that doesn’t love a good spreadsheet. #ME. But then the arrival of the food order several days later is it’s own special nightmare. Getting the food from the dock to their designated spaces requires a “can do” attitude that makes me love the sailing community. There’s a shared misery in getting the boat ready to sail but it’s worth it. There are absolutely trying times. Everything from bad weather, to equipment malfunctioning can ruin your day. The sense of real life urgency is unlike anything I’ve encountered in any other work environments and I find it humbling to be reminded of true priorities. The everyday distractions of life disappear when you are at sea and simple pleasures take over. Grated, my job is physically brutal. The days are long and loaded with challenges that no doubt shape my physical health and emotional character over the course of any voyage. It is however very rewarding to remember what you’re made of which after months of pandemic/caregiving stagnation is an absolute gift. When I head home after a journey I feel I return more confidant. I’m more satisfied with the person I am and grateful for having had the opportunity to explore the world (and myself) in such a unique way. It’s a hearty dose of tough love which can be hard to find in a world without my parents. There are not a lot of people that will deliver the honesty you need to set your life on a course correction but the boat always manages to do that for me. The ship becomes my home and the people aboard become my family. So, I guess the real question isn’t how to feed a senior or a sailor but rather how do you feed a family? It not easy but it’s done with love and I try to bake plenty of that into my meals to nurture everyone aboard until they return to their families and loved-ones.

Come back next Monday for one of my favorite snack recipes to feed hungry sailors!

The SSV Corwith Cramer is operated by the Sea Education Association and sails for science

PS-Sailors LOVE snacks but then again, who doesn’t? Until then, fair winds!

Life After Caregiving During A Pandemic

Hey Folks,

I have an update for ya. After nearly a nine month pause, this gal is headed back out to sea. Yep! This is a true story. Due to all things pandemic, my life after caregiving was postpone. No sooner had I graduated from the six year careship that was my parent’s battle with Alzheimer’s and dementia did a new health care crisis emerge. Covid-19, the ultimate set back. Obviously, all our lives were disrupted thanks to Covid but good gawd… the timing could not have been worse. I know that’s the case for many of us as no one plans for a pandemic but my short reverie as an international jet setter, sailing around the world cooking for the scientists of the future was one hell of a tease. In four short months I sailed the coast of New England and that of New Zealand before becoming sidelined. Again... In the house I just spent six years isolated in as a caregiver.

Early in the pandemic I felt well adjusted to being back home. The old habits and routines came back quickly and as many were struggling with how to deal with their new found time, I was busy cooking and crafting spoons with little difficulty. But as the weeks rolled on, anger brewed. The reality of another indefinite isolation period became a psychological haunt. I felt cheated. Again… of a life I wanted that was perpetually out of reach.. The old sense of defeat was back. Not only was the isolation factor getting to me, I also had the bills of inheriting a home with a huge mortgage, utilities, insurances, and bills of my own. The financial strain along with 6 previous years of unemployment thanks to caregiving was beyond comprehensible. It felt like the universe was pushing me towards a psychotic break. WTF?!!

Fortunately, life has that way of working things out. After months (years?) of wondering what’s next, there is a sliver of light on my horizon. Tomorrow I am setting out once again in an attempt to snatch a piece of that life I want. I’m joining the crew of C-295 for a quarantine period on Big Pine Key before boarding the SSV Corwith Cramer where we’ll undergo a very safe bubble merge with the incoming students before embarking on a month long trip around the Florida coast. (You can read the trip details and see the cruise track here.) It’s perhaps less exotic than past adventure but honestly, this experience couldn’t sound more perfect to me right now. The chance to safely escape everything from post election politics to the endless scrolling on screens for a chance to sail around the coast of my home state is an absolute privilege!

Rosebud, the best little girl there ever was…

I will of course miss my newly beloved Covid-19 foster fail pup Rosebud. She has been the best companion one could have throughout these last few months and it breaks my heart to leave her behind for a bit. Fortunately though, she will be in good hands under the pampered care of my brother whom I’ve drilled repeatedly about ensuring she remains my dog. I must also say how much I shall miss you, as it’s been this community right here that has allowed myself to cope with yet another season of chaos. Your support and encouragement have helped me weather the strangest of storms. I can’t believe how many of you purchased spoons and services over the last several months, helping me truly make ends meet! Your kindness and generosity have sustained me. I can’t believe that I’ve operated this little website as my full-time “employment” for the past eight months and I still own the house and the lights are still on!

In a show of gratitude, I hope to leave you with a few nuggets of fun while I am away. Every Monday I’ll be releasing a new post in this space. Recipes to try, crafty thoughts for your consideration, and of course, Full Moon Baking Club breads to get you through the year. Until then I will leave you with a few photos from my last sailing trip, giving you a little taste of my life at sea. And before you ask, no. I do not cook for a cruise line, nor do I work on a yacht. I cook for the Sea Education Association which operates two brigantine schooners. Trivia nerds should click that brigantine link. Might come in handy. ;)

Fair winds you fine folks! Stay safe this holiday season and I’ll catch-up with you in 2021!

Grilled Eggplant Ramen Bowl

Eggplant and I have a sorted history. I’ve wanted to like it for ages, knowing full well it’s a food rich in nasunin, an antioxidant found in the purple skin that supports brain health. I need all of the nasunin I can get considering both my parents suffered from Alzheimer’s and dementia and yet I’ve struggled to fully embrace the glory that is eggplant. I’ve repeatedly made it with disappointing results but over the last year I’ve explored this vegetable and finally feel we have made peace. After trying a ton of different recipes, grilling it is my new go-to. I kinda like how floppy it gets in some places and crisp in others. Something about the texture makes it right for snacking and any leftovers I can easily be throw into a quick ramen bowl on those days when I’m feeling lazy.

Ingredients

• 1 tbsp fermented black bean paste
• 1 tbsp sesame or olive oil
• 1/2 a lime, juiced
• 1/4 tsp powdered ginger
• 1 tsp chili garlic sauce
• 1 tsp honey
• sesame seeds and scallions for garnishing.

Directions

1. Slice eggplant 1/2 inch thick and lay out on a baking sheet.
2. Sprinkle liberally with salt and let rest for 15 minutes.
3. Flip the eggplant slices over, lightly salt the other sides and let rest for 15 more minutes. This will help draw out the moisture and cook more evenly.
4. Start heating the grill and begin making the marinade by mixing the above ingredients in a bowl or small jar.
5. Shake or stir vigorously to thoroughly combine.
6. With a paper towel, blot the mosture from the sliced eggplant.
7. Brush one side of the eggplant with the marinade and then lay the brushed slices face down on the grill.
8. Brush marinade on the other sides so that both have been sauced.
9. Grill for 4ish minutes and then flip,reapplying any leftover marinade.
10. Flip again, brushing on more marinade as the slices grill.
11. Continue this technique until the eggplant is cooked through and then remove to a platter and top with sesame seeds and scallions.

For Ramen Bowl

1. Make noodles according to package instructions.
2. Add sliced snap peas, a soft boiled egg, and a few pieces of the grilled eggplant.
3. Top with fresh cilantro and a spoonful of chili oil with black beans to finish things off.

That’s it. Simple but delicious. Enjoy!

Life, Loss, and Family Heirlooms

About four months into my caregiver journey I came across this piece of paper in my parents house. Its discovery was painful for so many reason. For one, my mother no longer remembered me. The Alzheimer’s had erased her memory and she no longer recognized me as her daughter. In addition to that cruelty was another sense of loss. The paper was loose. Attached to some token at one point but in discovery, it was merely scrap. Whatever treasure was to be passed down for progeny remains a mystery. The “family heirloom” in my mind is now the paper itself. It’s a modicum of memory thanks to the handwriting; her handwriting, and the awareness that the intent of posterity was cloaked in a mother’s love. I wish I knew what the heirloom was but that piece of paper has become my keepsake.

“Family Heirloom for Ashley Look 10/31/88”

— S. Look

Being thrust into the intense world of caregiving when I was just beginning to understand adulthood, forced me to explore the “value” of things. I was tasked with downsizing our family home (see photos here) and overwhelmed by the decision-making process. Sentimental value can be found in just about any item that sparks a memory and no amount of reading KonMari books will make that magically disappear. Determining worth is discriminatory and decision includes moral hazard. Over the course of my family purge I questioned if I was making mistakes. Would I regret my decisions and later be haunted by the legacy of items no longer in my possession? Without sound guidance from my parents (my father was also suffering from dementia at the time), I was required to sift through their belongings using equal parts Ebay, personal judgement, and observations from weekly garbage days when a neighborhood truck would make the rounds picking up items left out for the trash.

Fast forward a few years and the house has been reclaimed from under the mountain of stuff, much of which was in fact trash. I saved a number of things that were obvious keepsakes and a few less than obvious treasures like the scrap paper above. But mostly I’ve held on to an awareness that the stuff we allow into our space deserves our honor and warrants the right to occupy our attention or time. Stuff is stuff, yet materialism, although fun in a moment, is often a headache later, especially when clouded by sentimentality.

I’ve thought long and hard about lineage and legacy, and the antiquity of our belongings. I’ve often wondered what I’d save of my own belongings if the house was burning down. As a “maker” my mind goes to my spoons. I’d save my work from becoming fuel as these are the things that are my legacy. They are the investments of my labor, my craftsmanship, and time represented in hand. Upon my death my Will might include a beneficiary for the spoons. They are perhaps my most important material items and why right now, I feel moved to right this. Yesterday, I lost one.

My most beloved, hand carved, Applewood spoon that I carved on a farm in Vermont which became the cornerstone of my personal brand and business. It would have been my offering as a family heirloom to the generations that follow.

If I was to leave behind a single heirloom from my life it would be/would have been this spoon. It’s on my business card, it’s my logo, it’s the only one I have refused to sell. It’s made of Applewood from an orchard in Vermont and was carved on the land where I first learned how to spoon carve, a practice that has since become my therapy. Unfortunately it took a tumble yesterday, and broke right at the neck. My brother accidentally bumped the display while moving a shelf (part of the endless house downsizing project) and in that moment knew he had destroyed something of value. Before I even knew what had happened he was alarmed with concern, approaching me with hesitation and repeating “You’re gonna kill me.” Of all the spoons to break, it was my most favorite, the one that represents so much to me…

The heart breaking remains of my most beloved personal treasure. The Applewood spoon which I personally hand carved, took a tumble and broke into two pieces right at the neck.

But of course, stuff is just stuff, and the irony lingers like a cruel reminder that loss and grief are inescapable even after you’ve made your peace. This broken spoon feels like a death in that family which I suspect many won’t understand. But losing the thing that supported me through losing my family hurts, even if it’s an inanimate object. It’s not the spoon but what the spoon represented, and the emotional relationship between hand and craft varies little from the relationship between my parents and their end of life care. It was a very long and grueling, emotional journey and I owe my sanity to spoon carving. Caregiving and end of life care are journeys of the heart, as are stories of birth. This spoon was a beginning and it’s painful to see its end.

I’ve been working on some service related content for this website. I created something for caregivers knowing they are struggling with minimal support. I’ve also created a service for posterity knowing all too well that loved ones are ephemeral. I’ve also been working towards an online spoon carving course and for whatever reason, I can’t seem to finish it. In part I think that’s because spoon carving is my self-care and so many wounds remain fresh. It’s difficult to discuss how to carve spoons when the why feels more important. How do I convey the how of “healing” when grief runs eternal? Stay tuned however because I do plan to complete it. At the heart of any spoon is the bowl, and the stress in what it carries is the neck. The irony is the reminder that it’s time to get back to it, keeping a handle on the chaos of time…

I know I can glue this spoon. It’s not the end of the world. But long story short, not everything that breaks can be fixed. Life and loss are tough pills to swallow and I’m tired of the cultural expectation to choke hardship down gracefully. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to be angry… It’s OK to not be OK, with or without an excuse. Feelings aren’t always rational and it’s far time we recognize that our pains are valid regardless of how they measure in comparison. Our struggles are not competitions so let’s stop pretending to keep it together because it makes others feel more comfortable. Life and loss are uncomfortable and moving on quickly enables culture to dismiss the legacies of the ones that left too soon. We should honor them with pause and revel in what remains. Heirlooms are like the architecture of one’s memory. Items aren’t special because of what they are but who they represent…

Rest in peace you heavy hearts. Rest up and take love!

Senior Playlist For Coronavirus Comfort

Dear caregivers and friends,

As we are all experiencing these uncertain times I can’t help thinking about our most vulnerable population. My heart breaks at the suffering of both seniors and caregivers as you navigate the challenging recommendation of social distancing. The picture of loved ones being visited through windows; nursing homes and assisted living centers under a mandatory void of visitors… The isolation sounds awful. The alarm should have sounded for the elderly long before the threat of Covid-19 but here we are and the bell is ringing. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to help in this crisis. What can I do to help this community? I regret to say I cannot make respirators however I have made an age appropriate playlist for seniors and hopefully it can offer a slight sigh of relief.

As many of you know, my dad, Robert Look (aka #koolbob) suffered from dementia where daily he struggled with confusion facing the world around him. The only thing that soothed his soul was the sound of music and it is my hope that this collection of his favorites might also help to sooth yours or your loved ones. He passed in December of 2018 when he was 86 and that detail is relevant only for you to grasp his age. He was from a different generation. He was part of the “Silent Generation”, born between the two World Wars and part of a generation that we might lose rather quickly if we don’t slow the pace of this virus. I can only imagine how terrified they must feel as we practice this new concept of social distancing. So, if you are a caregiver for the elderly or manage a nursing home or assisted living center and finding yourself at a loss as to how to bring comfort to the seniors in your care, pause for a moment, press play, and turn the music up for our parents and grandparents whom we want to hung but can’t.

My dad in his prime.

I know caregiving is frequently a thankless job but I want to assure you that we are all beyond thankful for your service! You are the true heroes of this crisis and as the weight of the world feels entirely on your shoulders please know that we are standing behind you, ready to help.

Holding you in heart,

Ashley.

Holiday Gift Guide for Caregivers & Care-partners

The last thing caregivers need is more stress, and with the holidays looming I’ve attempted to reduce chaos with a simple holiday gift guide. Both caregivers and care-partners have a unique set of circumstances which can make shopping and gifting a challenge. The items below will hopefully eliminate any chance of gifts being re-gifted! I should also mention several things listed are sold through Amazon and as part of their affiliate program, I receive a small commission for guiding you to their website. Fear not! This comes at no extra charge to you, but I’m required to mention the association. That being said, I greatly appreciate your support in using my website as a vehicle for your holiday shopping. Hopefully you’ll find some goodies below.

For Caregivers

It’s probably no surprise that I am a hobby enthusiast but let’s face it, as a caregiver I have a lot of time on my hands. Not exactly free time for exploring whims but still, a significant amount of house bound hours that are grueling without personal projects. You might think that a sense of purpose would come from the careship however caregivers often preform duties to meet obligations, rather than fulfill passions. As hours stretch into years, it’s easy for a caregiver to lose sight of personal interests and fall prey to couch inertia. The lifestyle offer’s little in the way of personal development so one of the best gifts you can give someone restricted by circumstance are items that can improve their quality of life.

1. The Joy Of Cooking

My first recommendation is the Joy of Cooking cookbook. It’s a kitchen staple for long-time chefs and cooking newbies alike. There are no glamorous photos but it contains everything else. It’s like a massive index of all things cooking and you’ll be hard pressed to find a recipe that’s not listed. I recommend this book because caregiver or not, one’s future absolutely includes food. Why not gift a book that offers both a distraction with a necessary outcome... Dinner! I frequently reference my copy for everything from quick breads and cakes, to cocktails and stews. Seriously, it’s got everything; even Dutch Babies! Cooking can be a form of therapy and this book hosts hours of dishes that can help nurse a heartache or nurture health. No matter the season of life, know how to cook will always come in handy.

Joy of Cooking

By Irma S. Rombauer, Marion Rombauer Becker, Ethan Becker

Buy on Amazon

2. Set of Carving Knives

We can’t talk about caregivers without mentioning the self-care hypocrisy. The fluffy “make time for yourself”comments have never proved more telling of a societal misunderstanding. The caregivers I know frequently express frustration towards self-care directives that suggest things like an escape or break. Such advice, although well intended, is an absurdity in our reality. Most caregivers lack the the support to truly step away from their duties be it financial, emotional, or otherwise, and all the more reason to rethink self-care as an activity done in place. Forget escaping. It’s just not a legit option… But activities that provide a therapeutic distraction within the context of caregiving, might provide a more substantial escape than any short getaway. Spoon carving (or any kind of carving) is a wonderful stationary escape. It’s a mediation of sorts, allowing one to sink into new mental space and temporarily avoid the ills that can plague shared physical space. If a therapeutic gift is on your list, then considering gifting a set carving knives. There are lots of beginner carving books on the market to help folks get started and I’m available to help anyone that buys these knives with free coaching at the start of the new year.

Set Of Carving Knives

$72.00

Set of sloyd style carving knives for carving spoons, bowls, and other woodcarving crafts.

Add to cart

3. 100 No-Equipment Workouts

If you are looking for a more traditional approach with a gift of self-care, this book offers an outlet for health while staying true to the reality of the caregiver life. Many cannot retreat to a local gym and also lack the finances to outfit their own gym at home. The workout books by Neila Rey, help eliminate those obstacles. I’ve been working my way through the one below which has been a great way to incorporate exercise into my day, and perhaps more importantly, blow-off some much need steam. Exercise is one of those things everyone needs to make time for but the caregiver lifestyle can make that a hurdle. Determining how to make time for exercise, let alone what activities to preform, can actually induce stress when one is already fighting overwhelm. This book helps eliminate those questions with simple workouts easily done at home. I’m recommending it because I use it. A small step towards “making time for myself.”

100 No-Equipment Workouts Vol. 1: Fitness Routines you can do anywhere, Any Time

By Neila Rey

Buy on Amazon

For Care-Partners

It’s not all about the caregivers. The struggle for gifting those under care is real! Many care-partners, especially seniors, can be difficult to shop for as gifts can feel meaningless. Those that suffer cognitive disorders like Alzheimer’s or Dementia may no longer understand the feelings behind the holiday gesture. Others might feel there is nothing they need and would prefer friends and family save money rather than spend it on them. Such sentiments may very well be true, but many of us still desire to shower our loved ones with gifts this time of the year. Below are a couple of items I’m giving my father this year.

1. Simon Memory Game

I’m going old school with this Simon memory game by Hasbro. You remember the one, right? Where the buttons light up with a musical tone and the player tries to repeat the order. It’s part fun and part memory therapy with a throwback to vintage games I think we both can enjoy.

Simon Game

Hasbro - Import

Buy on Amazon

2. Bed Sheets

The Simon game aside, I struggle knowing what to get my dad because his dementia disrupts so much. His favorite things of yesteryear no longer interest him. So rather than take chances I’m going with useful. New sheets! The man loves airplanes and space and luckily I can find both in bed sheets! Sheets pretty much come in every color, patterns, and thread count. If you are lost for ideas, just know you can’t go wrong with sheets.

Eddie Bauer 213020 Cotton Sheet Set, Twin, Sea Planes

Revman International

Buy on Amazon

For Both

In case you are looking to send an edible gift, I have just the thing!

1. Cookies

My favorite inspirational baker Sara C. Owens, of Ritual Fine Foods, has holiday cookie boxes that include an assortment of whole grain and heirlooms flour cookies! Now, as a baker I might be slightly biased but how can you go wrong with the wholesome touch of artisan baking?

“Ritual Fine Foods seeks to bring awareness to ancient ingredients, traditional preparations, and sustainable farming practices in the context of modern expression and enjoyment. Our provisions are made with a commitment to the cyclical nature of the seasons and the rituals created around farming, feasting, baking, and celebratory life events. ”

— Ritual Fine Foods

Click here to order cookies and browse the other offerings by Ritual Fine Foods. Boxes are limited so go on. Get! The clock is ticking on this one.

There’s probably lots of things I forgot here so don’t hesitate to add your ideas! Birthdays and other gifting events are just around the corner so don’t hold back. This can be a tough crowd to shop for so the more the merrier when it comes to recommendations.

Have a wonderful holiday season! And good luck managing any overwhelm. It’s a busy time but we’ll get through it.;)

Black Widow Halloween Salad Recipe

Get your festive on with this healthy Halloween salad made with black rice and blood oranges and a few other ingredients that keep to this holiday theme. While the kids (and seniors) might be game for a full night of candy, caregivers need nourishment to survive a night of horrors. Eat this salad, then hit the candy and feel a little better about your life choices come morning.

Ingredients:

• Cooked black rice
• Chopped purple kale
• Cooked then chopped red beets (small chop)
• Some black olives, sliced
• Crumbled Goat Cheese
• Blood Orange segmented (Click here for a how-to)
• Parsley
• Vinegar based dressing

Directions

1. Rub some oil into the kale leaves and roast in the oven if you want it crispy (I'm a fan personally but this step is not necessary).
2. In a bowl, mix the kale and rice together in your desired proportions.
3. Place a serving of the rice mix on a plate.
4. Top with your beets and black olives.
5. Sprinkle on some goat cheese
6. Add the blood orange segments
7. Top with a little parsly and the vinegar based dressing of your choice.

Sorry for the lack of specific measurements on this recipe but you know… salads ain’t rocket science and Halloween is a holiday that’s supposed to be scary. Take a risk yo! And enjoy the blood bath. Beets never disappoint when it comes to a good spook. They’re always good for a nice stain of the hands and a brief scare in the bathroom if you know what I mean…;)

“You’re not hemorrhaging. It’s just the beets!”

And for an additional fright, please enjoy these photos of my dad and I celebrating Halloween night. We had a good run with wigs which seemed to be the backbone of our costumes every year. We started things out by just getting “dressed-up”. Wigs, a hat, and feather boa was enough to call us “festive”. But as the years went by we honed our looks. We pulled off Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World one year before celebrating our last Halloween together as ET and Elliot.

The holidays were always fun. As a caregiver to parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia, I would often wonder if my efforts to celebrate any “festive” event would be in vain. I’d question if I was making more work for myself by decorating the house or preparing elaborate meals, knowing they wouldn’t understand, participate, or remember that said time was significant. But as I look back at this Halloween photo gallery and see our smiles and remember the laughs, I find myself comforted by the memories. The post caregiver life takeaway isn’t the stress or hassle of going through the holiday motions just because I felt we should. Rather, it’s the reminder that on this day and every holiday, the day itself was different. For short periods of time we managed to part ways with the monotony of long term, end of life care. On these days we actually lived life more fully. They are the moments that now standout. Don’t get me wrong; we had our share of nightmares. But Halloween and every other holiday that felt like a forced celebration was actually an escape from the nothingness. It was something and it was worth it!

Happy Hauntings!

3rd Quarter Report

Change is in the air and I’m ready to feel it! I want to wear it on my skin, breath it in, and bask in the sense of something new after months of anger and frustration and feeling stuck. None of this is actually new. These feelings have been ever-present as caregiving has that way of reducing your sense of freedom while feeding you a cocktail of resentment. I frequently find myself consumed by bitterness, embroiled by feelings of sacrifice without a taste of reward. They say that caregiving is a thankless job and I see the truth there but I also feel compelled to believe there is something better. A silver lining around the corner, hiding in the shadows… It’s there. It’s just awaiting discovery. And without a reminder to counter your perceptions, it’s easy to fall victim to your own worst thoughts… There is no light.

#FakeNews… It’s not that the light is not there, it’s just so hard to see it on your own. I more than know the value of community and feelings of caregiver isolation have only strengthened those beliefs. At the same time, I’m learning that it’s no one’s job to make you happy. My father is impossible to please and my efforts to cater to his every need, as if I’m a DJ for his life, gets old quick, especially when his every response is that of criticism. I can not express how deeply this cuts through me. No movie I play for him is good enough. The CDs I put on are always the wrong ones. Every meal I make is not “normal stuff”… I can accept that he has dementia and this is the result of illness but I cannot accept the feelings that somehow, I am not enough. I personalize it because it’s my every effort. It’s not a single recipe he refuses. It’s me grabbing carrots from the fridge and his head shaking no, already in protest. An immediate refusal to wait and see… Maybe it will be good? “It”… that questionable step forward that might lead us both to a better state of existence if we could both just trust the outcome will be ok. Just a single step so we might see that so-called “light”.

I must repeatedly remind myself that my job is not to make my father happy. My job is to keep him healthy and safe. Unfortunately, that means I must forgo my own happiness as our lives are inexplicably linked. But again, #FakeNews… If it’s no one’s job to provide another with happiness, than it’s a personal mission to find it for yourself. So, in an ode to gratitude I have a few things that are light worthy! Here are some recent highs:

Copper Cutlery Set

This copper cutlery set! It is a first addition set that has been crafted from 95% post-commercial consumer material. The copper was salvaged from a scrapped windlass motor off a boat (a tribute to my old life sailing with the Sea Education Association) and pieces of electrical cable found in a local junk pile. Reduce, reuse recycle? (Hi AmeriCorps Cape Cod! You are another reminder that time remains within us…) The parts were recycled and repurposed for this second life as functional art. They have assorted imperfections due to the nature of scrapsmithing however it’s specifically those details that provide the set with character and tell their story of longevity. Like us, we all live with scars but we can also chose to recognize them as marks of beauty. This cutlery set speaks that language. They are imperfectly perfect! Working with copper is a new venture for me that meets my heart at the intersection of food as craft and production through recycling. This is just the beginning and I am beyond excited to see where it leads.

Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club

I joined a cooking club! Being that I’m a chef, you might think it’s odd that I’m following someone else’s recipes but honestly, I’m tired of wasting mental energy on everyday things. Meals are a must but the what of each meal keeps getting in the way. Time spent determining what to make is just as consuming as shopping for ingredients, prepping a recipe, and cleaning-up afterwards. These tasks are never ending and the churn and burn of making grub, wedged between the needs of caregiving has come to feel like an inescapable rut. It’s not that I don’t want to make good food. I just don’t want the puzzle of “what” day in, day out, when the complexities of senior care continue to compound my life. So, for a change of pace I signed-up for the Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club! I’ve been following Sara Forte, the creator of Sprouted Kitchen, for a while now and her take on food run close to my own approach wholesome. This cooking club has infused some fun back into my culinary game. I have frequently experienced “cooking block” (think writer’s block) over the course of the 3 1/2 years I’ve now been in Florida. Maybe it’s that lack of seasonal change? Who knows.. All, I can say is that this club has come as a sort-of relief. It provides both freedom and structure which is exactly what I need right now, with enough room for creativity when inspiration strikes. Perfect example? Homemade pitas to compliment the Chopped Mediterranean Salad in the gallery photo above.

Homemade pita! Looks at that puff!!!

Long story short, if you are a busy caregiver or parent or anyone in need of some simplified direction on what to make for dinner you might want to consider joining the Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club. This is my first month of participation but I can say with honesty that the recipes are both tasty and wholesome and streamlined for convenience. Put that together and boom! That’s a gratitude bomb in my book. I find myself looking forward to the weekly release of new recipes which is a cheap thrill maybe, but thrill nonetheless! That “light” lives in looking forward and the little things are not excluded.

Spoon Carving Workshop on Cape Cod

For two nights only!

Speaking of looking forward, I have something big to throw into the mix! I am excited to share that I have a spoon carving workshop on Cape Cod! I’m collaborating with Milisa Moses at the Plant Work Shop in Orleans, MA for two evenings of fun where we’ll be carving our own kitchen tools! Spoon time! Can you feel my excitement?

I often wonder if “making” has become a lost art. Within the world of technology, manufacturing, and mass production, I find myself yearning for the chance to settle into craft. Almost like a nostalgia for slowness, spoon carving has become my modern past-time. I dream about it happening on porches, around campfires, and in public spaces. It’s a hobby that is both fun to gather for or escape into. It nurtures both independence and togetherness. A foundation for community building...

I realize this is just my biased, dreamy perspective on what many might see as geeky kitchen hobby but in my many hours of carving spoons I can say for sure, that it’s not really about the spoons. It’s about the people! It’s about the conversations and the shared experience and the opportunity to make time to take time. It’s about the stories that are told as well as the silence that’s held. The holding of space…

So, to say that I am excited for this workshop is an understatement! I am over the moon at the thought of returning to my old community to share something I love with the people I love! I cannot wait! So come. We’ll make spoons but let’s also start a conversation! Let’s be together on a solo journey for craft and learn about being us!

Hand carved apple wood spoon

If you made it this far, I am impressed! That’s the look of change over here as we roll into fall. A summary of the last few months but with a view of the future. It is with a little pause for reflection I recognize that nothing about life stands still. For all the stagnation I complain about, I have to also remind myself that feelings are just feelings. Feelings are not facts and it takes a concerted effort to recognize the difference. Change is constant and when you make time to take time, you harness the power of moments. Those moments can add up to things that are truly special and with a deep breath I see that. A sigh for light.

What’s changed in your world? I’d love to hear! There is still a quarter left for 2018 which means there is still time for time…

Pumpkin Hand Pies With Fresh Whip Cream

Nothing says Thanksgiving like pumpkin pie with fresh whip cream, but why not give the traditional recipe a holiday boost by making pumpkin hand pies? Hand pies make life easier when it comes to clean-up. No plates, no forks, no knives to messy up when slicing. Just a grab and go snack to help celebrate the season. And just in case you need a little soundtrack for inspiration, allow me to introduce you this gem!

Debi Smith and Doc Watson actually have a song called “Pie”. Ugh… ok! Don’t ask how I came across this but it couldn't be more fitting, especially if we are talking about my Dad. It’s difficult at times posting recipes because he is increasingly picky and often refuses to eat what I make. But... not when it comes to hand pies! I'm honestly not surprised given his tendency towards sweets and their hand-held convenience.  As his dementia's been worsening, he's slowly losing his mobility and competency with utensils.

As for making these pies, just know you have options.  I used this recipe for the dough.  It utilizes cream cheese which compliments pumpkin but also contributed to a soft pastry crust that I knew would be easily eaten. As with many seniors, aging teeth or dentures can be a real deterrent when it comes to food so the softer the better.  You can however use store bought crust if you are short on time or seek out a basic pie crust recipe. Like I said, you have options!

More pumpkin hand pies...

As for the filling... I roasted a Fairytale Pumpkin earlier in the week and wanted to use it up.  You can absolutely use canned pumpkin which might allow you to skip over pre-baking the filling (see below). Using the fresh pumpkin was much too runny in my case and if it's too wet, it will damage the dough.  Don't be afraid to bake the filling first if necessary.

Filling Ingredients:

• 2 cups pumpkin puree
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. ground ginger
• 1/2 tsp. nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 eggs
• splash of cream

Directions:

1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. (If your filling is thick then you can immediately fill your hand pies. I used fresh pumpkin and the filling was very wet. I pre-baked the filling in mini muffin cups for 15 minutes until the custard solidified and used that as my filling.)
2. Roll-out your dough and cut out circles with a biscuit cutter if you have one. (I used a pint glass to cut-out circles.)
3. Roll out each circular cut-out to about 1/8 inch thickness and top one side with some filling.
4. Wet the outer edges of the dough with a little water, fold over, and seal the edges by pressing down with a fork.
5. Brush tops with an egg wash and poke a few holes to vent steam in each one.
6. Bake at 375 degrees F for 20-40 minutes or until the dough becomes a golden brown.
7. After baking, cool on a rack.

When it comes to the fresh whip cream just add a teaspoon of vanilla extract and a teaspoon of powdered sugar to some heavy whipping cream and whip on high until stiff peaks form.  Then dip the hand pies in it until your hearts content!

A Twig's Life

I have a pretty big stick pile.

Leaf litter is slowly starting to accumulate around the house because I have "ideas".  I have lots of ideas...  Like any good hoarder, I see potential in scraps and find myself defending their storage.  As long as I do something with them, then they amount to more than trash matter, right? Or that's what I tell myself.  The truth is, I have a vision and that vision is generously being fostered by the fine folks at Knoll Farm where I am proud to announce I've been awarded a Better Selves Fellowship spot this August!  I am beyond excited!!!!!

My fingers are crossed that I make it to this Vermont refuge.  You never know the challenges when it comes to dementia caregiving, and deciding now that I will attend, will ultimately be determined in the hours, maybe even in the minutes before my departure.  But for fun, lets just go with it and assume I am going.  I am going!!! 

The fellowship is a nurtured self study of sorts.  Everyone attending will be on their own journey yet together, as a community, we will help each other achieve our goals.  My goal will be spoon related but more specifically I want to focus on carving.  And I don't just mean technique, although, I do hope to acquire new skills.  I want dive deeper into the other aspects of carving like knife care and sharpening but also the spiritual side.  I want to explore the intention, the meditation... 

“There is something healing in the process of making a tool with your own hands.”

I've long thought carving was meditative.  There is something healing in the process of making a tool with your own hands.  It's a placeholder for empowerment, slowly revealing that applied effort produces results and that ultimately, you can in fact do whatever you set your mind to.  It's so easy to surrender to hopelessness but the act of carving always provides a renewed perspective.  With each shaving you are reminded that you're closer than you think, a small echo in your head, akin to a mantra, tells you "keep going".  

As the shape begins to reveal itself, so do all the metaphors.  The "handle" usually appears first.  It's the comfort zone in skill development but then you get to the "neck" and the "bowl".  As with any neck, it's fragile.  You must maneuver delicately or risk breaking it, and I'm reminded of the similarities between these moments and life.  You go on thinking you have a "handle" on things only to realize at some point, your burdens are nearing a breaking point.  It (or you) might snap under the stress without care.  It's a reminder to nurture sensitive areas, a case not to neglect self-care... Then you get to the "bowl".  Perhaps you jump around while carving the spoon but I find the bowl to be one of that last areas of attack.  My students often avoid it till the end.  There is a different technique involved and it requires a different knife but non-the-less it's a critical component to making a spoon a spoon.  It's actually the single most identifiable trait of the spoon yet on the carver's journey, it's often left to the end.  

It's always an interesting pause at this point.  Questions arise as to what things we are avoiding in life?  What single task, if just accomplished, would make a considerable impact in how our days are lived?  What techniques or tools are missing so you can move beyond this block? Wait. Are we talking mental block or block of wood?  It's hard to keep up with the narratives...

I wish I could explain better the thoughts I have on this whole topic.  It's hard to write about carving and a general summery feels impossible.  I have so much to say but can't seem to organized the words for a reader and partly I think the words escape me because so much feeling is at play.  So much is left unsaid here and it's a huge part of why I will do whatever it takes to get to the Knoll Farm refuge and participate in the Better Selves Fellowship.  I know something there is waiting for me.  The mantra keeps telling me "just come"...

Dark House

I can only speak for myself when I say that the desire to produce anything personal, at this point stems from the utter frustration of maintaining a life that prioritizes other people's priorities.  Nothing feels like it's for myself. I spend my days picking-up the crumbs of a life in regression and hope it amounts to something meaningful.  I'm not sure that even makes sense but you know what? NOTHING MAKES SENSE!

Can you feel my rage?!  I am angry!!!  I am angry that every single day I spend an absorbent amount of time cleaning-up after my dad, understanding his insurance, watching his "shows", paying his bills, and running his errands.  These things are not for me!  Just like your office job is likely not for you.  But the grudge here is that you get to go home after your crappy day to a house that you keep for you, upholding your lifestyle, consuming your preference in media, enjoying your version of downtime...  Well, there is no down time here.  Not in the way that bodes well for sanity.  The stress fractures are everywhere and the cracks are slowly giving way...