Oct/Nov 2020: Soft Sandwich Bread Recipe

You know that expression, “too little, too late"? That’s how I’m feeling about this Soft Sandwich Bread Recipe…

Over the five years I was the caregiver to my father, all he wanted to eat was peanut butter and jelly. As a chef, you can imagine that was frustrating for me. I would make him these beautiful and nutritious meals and he would scoff at them, preferring his childhood favorite. The baker in me set out to add wholesomeness with homemade artisan bread, but even that fell short to his liking. The crust was too tough, or the crumb too dry… Each and every attempt to share love through a home cooked meal felt like failure and I eventually gave-up. I should have known that preparing senior meals was going to be harder than expected. I was out for creativity. He wanted soft, store bought bread slathered in traditional grape jelly with your standard hydrogenated peanut butter. It was his favorite. Who am I to argue with a man in his 80’s suffering from dementia? PS- You don’t argue with a person afflicted with dementia or Alzheimer’s. As a caregiver, you quickly learn to pick your battles, and fighting over food was not going to be one of mine.

There is another expression though. “It’s better late than never” and I guess you could say, Soft Sandwich Bread has arrived! It comes a year and a half to late for my dad but hopefully it’s right on time for you and your loved ones. As much as I love a crunchy-chewy crust, seniors with sensitive teeth might not share the love. So, in honor of my dad’s favorite meal, I’ve figured out this Soft Sandwich Bread Recipe.

This bread recipe produces a soft crumb and crust which makes it perfect for sandwiches.

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 1/4 cup warm water (seperated)
• 1 tbsp melted butter
• 1 tbsp molasses
• 1 tbsp honey
• 1 tsp brown sugar
• 1/4 tsp active dry yeast

Directions

Day 1:

1. In a large bowl mix the flour and the salt.
2. In a large measuring glass (or bowl), combine 1 cup of the warm water, melted butter, molasses, honey, and brown sugar and stir to combine. Add the rest of the water until you have 1 and 1/4 cup of the liquid mixture.
3. Add the yeast and let "bloom" for 10ish minutes.
4. Give the liquid mixture a stir and then pour into into the flour bowl.
5. Combine, incorporating the wet and dry ingredients until a sticky dough ball forms. It doesn't need to be perfect but you want most the dry ingredients integrated so there's no flour left sitting in the bowl.
6. Cover and let rest for 6-10 hours, and the dough has become pillowy and doubled in size.

Day 2

1. Uncover the dough and with a wet hand, gently scoop around the edges, lifting from the sides and folding the dough onto itself. This will release the dough from the edges.
2. On a lightly floured surface, plop your dough out and gently stretch it out on the counter.
3. Using the criss cross technique (watch my video here), gently shape your dough being careful not to degas the air bubbles.
4. Place the shaped dough on a piece of parchment paper and place into a bowl or pie pan to rest for an hour, covered.
5. Put a dutch oven with the lid in the oven and preheat to 450 degrees F.
6. When the oven is ready and the dough has rested, remove the cover and score the top of the dough.
7. Carefully remove the dutch oven and transfer the parchment paper with the dough into the dutch oven, cover with the lid and return it to the oven and bake for 30 minutes.
8. After 30 minutes, remove the lid and bake for another 15 minutes at 415 degrees F.
9. Then remove the dutch oven and carefully transfer the bread to a wire rack and let cool.

The best Soft Sandwich Bread Recipe ever!

I hope you love this sandwich bread recipe as much as I do. Report back you thoughts. I know kids and seniors alike both love soft bread so give it a try and let me know what you think. Sending love and lots of good sandwiches!

Life, Loss, and Family Heirlooms

About four months into my caregiver journey I came across this piece of paper in my parents house. Its discovery was painful for so many reason. For one, my mother no longer remembered me. The Alzheimer’s had erased her memory and she no longer recognized me as her daughter. In addition to that cruelty was another sense of loss. The paper was loose. Attached to some token at one point but in discovery, it was merely scrap. Whatever treasure was to be passed down for progeny remains a mystery. The “family heirloom” in my mind is now the paper itself. It’s a modicum of memory thanks to the handwriting; her handwriting, and the awareness that the intent of posterity was cloaked in a mother’s love. I wish I knew what the heirloom was but that piece of paper has become my keepsake.

“Family Heirloom for Ashley Look 10/31/88”

— S. Look

Being thrust into the intense world of caregiving when I was just beginning to understand adulthood, forced me to explore the “value” of things. I was tasked with downsizing our family home (see photos here) and overwhelmed by the decision-making process. Sentimental value can be found in just about any item that sparks a memory and no amount of reading KonMari books will make that magically disappear. Determining worth is discriminatory and decision includes moral hazard. Over the course of my family purge I questioned if I was making mistakes. Would I regret my decisions and later be haunted by the legacy of items no longer in my possession? Without sound guidance from my parents (my father was also suffering from dementia at the time), I was required to sift through their belongings using equal parts Ebay, personal judgement, and observations from weekly garbage days when a neighborhood truck would make the rounds picking up items left out for the trash.

Fast forward a few years and the house has been reclaimed from under the mountain of stuff, much of which was in fact trash. I saved a number of things that were obvious keepsakes and a few less than obvious treasures like the scrap paper above. But mostly I’ve held on to an awareness that the stuff we allow into our space deserves our honor and warrants the right to occupy our attention or time. Stuff is stuff, yet materialism, although fun in a moment, is often a headache later, especially when clouded by sentimentality.

I’ve thought long and hard about lineage and legacy, and the antiquity of our belongings. I’ve often wondered what I’d save of my own belongings if the house was burning down. As a “maker” my mind goes to my spoons. I’d save my work from becoming fuel as these are the things that are my legacy. They are the investments of my labor, my craftsmanship, and time represented in hand. Upon my death my Will might include a beneficiary for the spoons. They are perhaps my most important material items and why right now, I feel moved to right this. Yesterday, I lost one.

My most beloved, hand carved, Applewood spoon that I carved on a farm in Vermont which became the cornerstone of my personal brand and business. It would have been my offering as a family heirloom to the generations that follow.

If I was to leave behind a single heirloom from my life it would be/would have been this spoon. It’s on my business card, it’s my logo, it’s the only one I have refused to sell. It’s made of Applewood from an orchard in Vermont and was carved on the land where I first learned how to spoon carve, a practice that has since become my therapy. Unfortunately it took a tumble yesterday, and broke right at the neck. My brother accidentally bumped the display while moving a shelf (part of the endless house downsizing project) and in that moment knew he had destroyed something of value. Before I even knew what had happened he was alarmed with concern, approaching me with hesitation and repeating “You’re gonna kill me.” Of all the spoons to break, it was my most favorite, the one that represents so much to me…

The heart breaking remains of my most beloved personal treasure. The Applewood spoon which I personally hand carved, took a tumble and broke into two pieces right at the neck.

But of course, stuff is just stuff, and the irony lingers like a cruel reminder that loss and grief are inescapable even after you’ve made your peace. This broken spoon feels like a death in that family which I suspect many won’t understand. But losing the thing that supported me through losing my family hurts, even if it’s an inanimate object. It’s not the spoon but what the spoon represented, and the emotional relationship between hand and craft varies little from the relationship between my parents and their end of life care. It was a very long and grueling, emotional journey and I owe my sanity to spoon carving. Caregiving and end of life care are journeys of the heart, as are stories of birth. This spoon was a beginning and it’s painful to see its end.

I’ve been working on some service related content for this website. I created something for caregivers knowing they are struggling with minimal support. I’ve also created a service for posterity knowing all too well that loved ones are ephemeral. I’ve also been working towards an online spoon carving course and for whatever reason, I can’t seem to finish it. In part I think that’s because spoon carving is my self-care and so many wounds remain fresh. It’s difficult to discuss how to carve spoons when the why feels more important. How do I convey the how of “healing” when grief runs eternal? Stay tuned however because I do plan to complete it. At the heart of any spoon is the bowl, and the stress in what it carries is the neck. The irony is the reminder that it’s time to get back to it, keeping a handle on the chaos of time…

I know I can glue this spoon. It’s not the end of the world. But long story short, not everything that breaks can be fixed. Life and loss are tough pills to swallow and I’m tired of the cultural expectation to choke hardship down gracefully. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to be angry… It’s OK to not be OK, with or without an excuse. Feelings aren’t always rational and it’s far time we recognize that our pains are valid regardless of how they measure in comparison. Our struggles are not competitions so let’s stop pretending to keep it together because it makes others feel more comfortable. Life and loss are uncomfortable and moving on quickly enables culture to dismiss the legacies of the ones that left too soon. We should honor them with pause and revel in what remains. Heirlooms are like the architecture of one’s memory. Items aren’t special because of what they are but who they represent…

Rest in peace you heavy hearts. Rest up and take love!

Employment Rights for Mesothelioma Caregivers

Caregivers, listen up! Today I am sharing a post written by Devin Golden written late last year over on the Mesothelioma Guide and although it’s catering to a specific demographic, you should read it anyway, especially if you anticipate complications related to family health concerns. What is interesting about this post is that it was written back in December 2019 just prior to the sweeping burden of the Coronavirus. Illnesses of all kinds unfortunately force families into making uncomfortable decisions and as a caregiver, or someone anticipating the decline of a loved one, it’s good to know your employment rights when assessing a strategy for care. Read below and do so wearing your “caregiver” cap. Don’t get caught up thinking too specifically about mesothelioma or you’ll miss the point. The most important take away here is that you might have employee rights in the event caregiving responsibilities demand your attention. The solution is far from perfect but this is a good starting point for full time employees fearful they’ll lose their jobs if they get called away. Read Devin’s post below for the details:

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Choosing to be a caregiver is a selfless and giving act. 

Since mesothelioma is an aggressive cancer, caregivers are essential for patients with all stages of this disease. A common question for us at Mesothelioma Guide is, “Who can be a mesothelioma caregiver?” The American Cancer Society defines a caregiver as anyone not paid to provide care to a person. Whether a spouse, child, parent, sibling or close friend, mesothelioma caregivers sacrifice much of their lives to help someone in need.

Another common question is, “Can mesothelioma caregivers continue working?” They often sacrifice their professional goals and time to care for the patient. These unselfish acts should not be penalized, and caregivers should know their employment rights.

We at Mesothelioma Guide list and explain three regulations that protect employment aspirations and situations for mesothelioma caregivers. If you’re a mesothelioma caregiver, or a patient researching for their caregiver, read these laws and then contact us with further questions. Our patient advocate, Jenna Campagna, is available via email at jenna@mesotheliomaguide.com and can further assist you with caregiver-related information.

Anti-Discrimination Law

The Americans With Disabilities Act is a federal law protecting caregivers from workplace discrimination. The rule applies to companies that have at least 15 employees. The United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) explained how the act helps people with caregiving responsibilities. “Persons discriminated against because they have a known association or relationship with a disabled individual also are protected,” the EEOC website states, continuing that the government’s definition of “disabled individual” includes cancer patients. Caregivers, therefore, should not be terminated from employment or denied employment if they can manage the job’s requirements. However, mesothelioma caregivers aren’t entitled to special treatment, such as extra time off or modifications to the workplace.

Unpaid Family Leave

Mesothelioma caregiving can be the equivalent of a full-time job. When the cancer progresses to its later stages, or when the patient undergoes invasive treatment such as surgery, more attention is required of the caregiver. Therefore, they may need to take time away from their regular routine, including their full-time employment.

The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 allows caregivers to take off work without losing their employment. The law provides up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off and covers a range of caregiving responsibilities:

• Traveling for medical appointments

• Post-surgery care

• Staying at home when the disease reaches its later stages and the patient cannot be left alone

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the law applies to company with at least 50 employees living within a 75-mile radius of the worksite; and caregivers who have worked for their employer for at least 12 months and at least 1,250 hours during the past 12 months.

Paid Family Leave

Not every mesothelioma caregiver can afford to take off weeks or months without any income. For that reason, some states have enacted paid family leave laws. According to Conquer Magazine, five states (California, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island and Washington) provide this service to caregivers. The National Conference of State Legislatures states that Washington D.C. also has a paid family leave law. As recently as 2017, only three states provided this assistance to mesothelioma caregivers. More states could enact similar measurements, so you should contact Mesothelioma Guide to learn if your state applies.

About the Writer, Devin Golden

Devin Golden is the content writer for Mesothelioma Guide. He produces mesothelioma-related content on various mediums, including the Mesothelioma Guide website and social media channels. Devin's objective is to translate complex information regarding mesothelioma into informative, easily absorbable content to help patients and their loved ones.

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My caregiver journey came about due to Alzheimer’s and Dementia which are quite different from mesothelioma however their diagnoses impact loved ones in much the same way regardless of illness. The emotional, physical and financial responsibilities can greatly impact both patients and families so do your homework. Make sure you know your rights and be prepared to self-advocate. Stay healthy friends! We live in a dangerous and unpredictable healthcare world.

(Un)Masking America

The shortage of Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) for American healthcare workers and now, the population at large, is a concern. In fact, the irony of it makes me want to gag on a selfie stick. How does a society, obsessed with face filters for one, not have the necessary masks for healthcare providers and two, make it about politics. Between the virus and our obsession with self-righteousness, now feels like a really good time to start covering our mouths. And since masks have turned mainstream thanks to the CDC’s recommendations this maker’s gonna make! I’m slow at sewing so production will be gradual but the exciting part is that 10% of every sale of masks, spoons, or anything else sold from the How To Feed A Senior shop page will be donated to Direct Relief. Direct Relief is supplying healthcare workers with emergency supplies of PPE during the Coronavirus Outbreak and I can’t think of anything more important than taking care of the caregivers!

So, keep an eye out for masks here if you’re on the hunt. I’ll let you know when I restock. In the mean time just remember that there is no emergency in a pandemic. Without healthcare providers we are without health so take care of each other! It might take more than a village this time…

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community. ”

— Anthony J. D'Angelo

October 2019: 1 Bowl Banana-Chocolate Chip Mini Muffins

These banana-chocolate chip mini muffins are a game changer for senior eating! Mini anything is always enticing but these muffins are made in a single bowl making caregiver clean-up a breeze. They are sure to win over everyone thanks to chocolate chips. Kids too! And with some sneaky ingredients for extra nutrition, what’s not to love? They are mini but mighty, which seems like an important details when it comes to muffins.

Ingredients

• 3 ripe bananas mashed
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup plain yogurt
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup coconut oil
• zest on 1 lemon
• 1/2 cup coconut flour
• 1/2 cup almond flour
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 cup chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. In a large bowl mix the mashed bananas, egg, yogurt sugar and oil.
3. Throw in the flours and baking powder and mix until it's well combined.
4. Fold in the chocolate chips (I used mini chips however regular size will work just fine).
5. Scoop batter into well greased muffin tins.
6. Bake at 350 degrees F for 15ish minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean from a center muffin. (If using tradional sized muffin tins they will likely take longer to cook. Just keep a watchful eye while baking.)

A mini but mighty muffin recipe with banana and chocolate chips.

Make and bake! And then tell me what you think, especially how many is too many, cause, ugh… I’m asking for a friend? Hehehehe…

25 Day Christmas Splits Challenge

In effort to finish the year strong, and help motivate anyone needing a push, Erika (my childhood bestie) and, are going to recreate this photo. Yup. Splits-fest! We are implementing our own, 25 Day Christmas Splits Challenge. It’s been more than three decades and trust me, it will take a Christmas miracle, but it’s a good excuse for us to get together and “practice” and get me out of my damn chair! As the final month of the year, it feels only right to pay tribute to December as the “home stretch”. With a whole month left till the end of 2018, we still have time to make good on whatever promises we made back in January. Now, four weeks is a good amount of time. It’s not a lot of time but it’s a reasonable chunk and if you apply yourself, you could probably see progress in whatever your goal. Every year Erika and I say we are going to recreate this shot and every year passes without any effort. Well, not this year! Crunch time is upon us and tis the freakin’ season! And, if you read yesterday’s post then you know I’ve been extra sedentary lately. It’s now or never folks. This has to happen.

Normally, I’m not one to promote fitness during the holidays (or vacations). No use in missing out on the glorious goodies this time of year brings. My approach typically is to go all in. I eat everything, lounge endlessly watching Christmas movies, and bask in the decadent joy of the season. By the time New Year’s comes along, I’m saddled with plenty of motivation to make a fresh start. Well, I guess you could say Christmas came early? I am so desperate for a change of pace that cookies and glogg are of little interest. See?! I told you! Something is wrong!!!

I’m hoping the infusion of extra movement will have me back to my old self lickety-split. I need an injection of holiday cheer ASAP, and I figure the best way to achieve that right now is with a healthy intention. A flexibility goal seems like a perfect step towards feeling better. Not to mention, flexibility is easily practiced at home which is a must for the caregiver lifestyle. And the good news is we’ll be sharing snippets of progress with you along the way. How’s that for joy? Nothing like awkward internet photos to help spread some holiday cheer, am I right? It’s like the a horrible version of an advent calendar but we’re going for it! It can’t be any worse than coal. And thank gawd Harry Cline offered us those yoga suggestions with his guest post yesterday cause we are gonna need them!

You can follow along via the Stories section of the How to Feed a Senior, Instagram account but don’t judge cause we’ve got that covered. This photo alone has me zeroing in on my sweet haircut and my graceful claw. For all the haters when it comes to aging, I think this photo is proof that things get better with time. Clearly, the years have been kind and I’m hoping this also applies to the next 25 days. Keep your finger’s crossed for a Christmas miracle folks, and let me know if your up for the challenge or doing one of your own! Group accountability always helps.

Speaking of Christmas, I created a holiday gift guide for foodies if any of you are in search of ideas. I have two more in the works for both caregivers and spoon carvers which I’ll post when they are ready.

Also, if anyone make it visit to Santa, you should tell him Lickety-Split and Snippets would be good reindeer names! Just sayin’…

Merry, merry friend! I’ll see you over on Instagram stories. And don’t laugh! Or do… but trust me, it’s going to be painful.;)

In Loving Memory Of Gratitude On Thanksgiving

Last year, I remember going through the effort to create a fabulous Thanksgiving meal. I made all the sides and meticulously selected the dishes for serving them. I prepped dough for pies, made cranberry sauce, and even brined my turkey in preparation. I remember tending to my small flower garden and freshly picking a bouquet for a vase to display on our kitchen table. I remember finding a yellow table linen and some candle sticks, archived in a closet, and pulled them out to add even more of a sense of holiday spirit. I spent the whole week really, just getting ready, and true to food blogger form, I shared much of those moments on social media. But here’s the thing about social media… The communities we make online are never a substitute for the real thing. At the end of the day, my Thanksgiving extravaganza, as much as it was “shared,” was a lonesome table for none. A table for one never felt more lonesome because even I was a no-show. Why bother if it’s just for me? My father wasn’t interested in anything more than his usual peanut butter and jelly and I mostly felt defeated in recognizing the reality. I had no one to really share my Thanksgiving meal with and I couldn’t help wondering, what was the point?

“The communities we make online are never a substitute for the real thing.”

Fortunately, my childhood best friend Erika, invited my dad and I to her mother’s house. Prior to her phone call, I felt sad for myself. I went to great lengths to create a Thanksgiving feast, so intent for the purpose of sharing but without a single human to enjoy it with. I actually felt pathetic… Showboating for a social media post… It took some effort to convince my dad but we went and so did my side dishes! It was remarkable to witness generations of a single family all in one place, eating and laughing, and even arguing at times but ultimately enjoying each other’s company.

Erika saved my day but there are many folks without someone to share in a sense of togetherness. The company we keep helps form our communities and a life without the presence of another is depressing at best. We are increasingly separated by circumstance, be it a natural disaster, political differences, civic duties and your run-of-the-mill, family dynamics. There are endless reasons for why we can’t come together, which makes me think that the effort to unite is time well spent. The holidays give us that reason. They provide great impetus to strive for union even as aspects of life will forever remain obstacles. But defeat is not an option, right? Challenges, no matter how they appear, are opportunities to double down and compound efforts when they matter most. So this year, in recognition of so many that are separated by unfortunate circumstances, I am sharing gratitude and hoping it carries good tidings to someone that feels lost, or helpless, or alone , due to playing the tough hand life’s dealt.

“You don’t have the right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt.
You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.”

— Cheryl Strayed

So, in honor of November’s gratitude call, I’m attempting to give back to two organizations. The first is the veteran’s organization, Hope for the Warriors, that has a scholarship program and additional support services specifically for caregivers. As a caregiver to my father, whom is a veteran of the Korean War, supporting Hope for the Warriors is an initiative I can get behind. Additionally, I have formed an unlikely friendship with a man named Richard, a Vietnam War Veteran, whom spent the last five years caring for his wife as she suffered from Alzheimer’s. Richard and I quickly bonded over the stress of the caregiver life. He has helped me some in managing my dad and has also become my mentor of sorts into the world of copper and scrapsmithing. It’s only fitting that our first collaboration serve to benefit those in similar situations. The Copper Cutlery Set is our proudest collaboration thus far and we are happy to dedicate 25% of the proceeds to help fund caregiver initiatives with Hope for the Warriors.

Richard in his shop, Photo credit: Angel Kulynych

The second organization I want to support this month is the International Association of Fire Fighters that have been heroically serving on the front lines of the wildfires raging throughout California. The Torched Oak mixing spoon is for sale with 50% of the proceeds going to IAFF as I can think of nothing more symbolic of life support than a spoon. The handle detail includes torch marks honoring the brave men and women fighting on the front lines to protect individuals and communities from the threat of wildfire. So many have already lost everything but this is a little something I (or rather, we) can give back in support.

In the scheme of things, the cash amassed for these two organizations through spoon sales is nominal and it’s easy to fall prey in thinking one’s efforts are not enough. But for the person that feels they have lost everything, the smallest of gestures can feel like the world. We live often disconnected from the impact of meaningful relationship building. I say meaningful in that feelings are exchanged over a shared experience where multiple parties connect through a mutual affection for a moment. Creation of a sense of belonging with intentional gestures to foster a fellowship for care… This is how we cultivate community.

Last year, Erika ushered me out of my depression and into her community with a small gesture of kindness. It was just a phone call, but more than that, it was care. And as you gather this Thanksgiving Day, I hope you take a moment to acknowledge that this day is special. Not for the food or the history of how Thanksgiving came to be, but the fact that we just don’t do a good job of creating opportunities to build connections. The holidays in general, for better or for worse, give us reason to be together, so let’s make it count!

A Goodbye Lullaby

This one is gonna hurt...

Buddy Love.  That's what my mom called him.  Our good boy that's been the glue of this house for roughly 16 years has left us this evening and it's heart breaking.

As the days pass we'll come to learn what it means to lose a caregiver.  They say that caregivers often die first, leaving behind the ones they were watching over.  He was a good look-out. Vigilant.  He alerted me to all sorts of disturbances, like when my mom would rummage in the kitchen and hide food in strange places.  He would wake me, hours before twilight, observant to my dad putting his shoes on and heading for the door.  He was invariably in the middle of things. We joked that he was the "Fun Police" cause there was no such thing as sneaky if he was around.

We've spent the last three years following him around, enthralled just enough to make Buddy our purpose.  He gave us something to do.  He protected us from the stings we inevitably inflicted upon each other. He was a coat to cry into... A friend that was always there.  Comfort.

Goodnight baby Bud. Sweet dreams...

Tips For The Long-Distance Caregiver

As some of you may know, I started the journey of caregiving several years prior to moving back to South Florida to care for my folks.  I was living in Massachusetts and was utterly in denial about the situation back home.  Having only just begun my journey into "adulting" I was somewhat naive as to how avoidance typically breeds more problems then it ever fixes.  As you might imagine, nothing got fixed. I was making frequent trips to Florida to check-up on things only to escape back to Massachusetts and ignorantly live by the expression, "out of sight, out of mind". 

Things began to escalate.  Stress was getting the best of me and it was manifesting in ways I could no longer ignore or disguise.  I lost a noticeable amount of weight and perhaps more concerning, I lost my voice.  I went through strange bouts of laryngitis that would last for months at time.  The muscles around my throat were so tight from being constantly verklempt, that the persistent laryngitis started to interfere with my work.  My professional life was falling apart because my personal life was falling apart and I hadn't even a smidge of a plan in place.  Long story short, everything about my life change abruptly.  And I mean EVERYTHING!

My naivety left me crippled and I frequently think back to how different I might have found my circumstances if I had only prepared a bit more. I think a transition would still have been inevitable but I can't help wondering if life might have been easier had I taken incremental steps toward addressing my aging parents' needs.  Baby steps to address challenges from afar might have given me more time to pack-up my belonging, leave my job with two weeks notice, and perhaps most importantly, say good-bye to my beloved friends and community in MA that I had built my life around.  I left my "life" in a state of emergency (you can read about that here) and had to sift through the mess of pieces to restore order for my folks all while allowing chaos to consume the life that I abandoned.  I was surrounded by wreckage which is why I am so happy to introduce you to Claire Wentz, the creator of caringfromafar.com.  She is the author of the upcoming book, Caring from Afar: A Comprehensive Guide for Long-Distance Senior Caregivers which I can only imagine will be a "life" saver when it is released. Claire is a former home health nurse and recognizes that our aging population means many more people will become senior caregivers over the years. Specifically, she is interested in providing assistance and support to those caregivers who do not live near their loved ones.  Below are a few of her tips on how to pull-off long distance caregiving...

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Seeing our parents become more frail with age is difficult.  Their minds and bodies may not be as capable as they once were, and sometimes we don’t live close by to help.  What can you do when mom and dad are far away and they need your assistance?

Growing older and moving farther...

Trying to help from a distance can be daunting, and it’s a challenge more of us face than ever before.  Research shows that since the turn of the century our 65 and older population grew twice as fast as other age groups, and on top of that, families are more spread out than they used to be.  The good news is there are many ways you can provide care even from afar, making life happier and healthier for your aging parents.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

1. Share Information

You will find it helpful to get important information from your parents before facing a crisis.  Ask your parents to share with you their essential information and record it in an easily retrievable place.  You can start a notebook or computer document with their vital phone numbers, emails, medical data, and banking records.  Something as simple as a three ring binder or a spreadsheet may be all you need.  Be sure to include current prescription and pharmacy information, as well as neighbors’ contact information. There are health-monitoring devices that can be installed in your loved-one’s home to help keep track of their medication schedules as well as their daily activity. Caregivers can access this information from a website to determine if there are any issues or schedule disruptions.

While you’re at it, arranging direct deposit for mom and dad may be helpful, or you may want to set up online banking for them so you can help from the comfort of your own computer.  You can even establish automatic payments for utilities or other routine bills. 

Now is also a good time to consider preparing and recording legal documents such as a power of attorney.  You or your parents may not feel ready for that, but you are better off planning ahead rather than waiting for a crisis.

2. Enable Transportation Measures

Your parents most likely want to stay active, but may need some assistance from you.  This can be complicated if they have physical limitations, especially when you are a long-distance caregiver.  How do you help your parents keep up with their doctor visits, much less their social lives?  Fortunately, there are several options available.  Many communities are instituting senior shuttle services, taxi voucher programs, public transportation, and volunteer services.  Contact the agency on aging in your parents’ hometown, or check with some national resources for help.  Trained, professional assistance is available for your mom or dad who can’t travel alone, such as parents who are wheelchair-bound or need oxygen.  You should write down questions you want to ask before calling the agency so you can cover all of your concerns. 

3. Housekeeping and Maintenance Assistance

Keeping up with the house, lawn, and other chores that once were basic may become physically challenging for your aging mom or dad.  A visit once a week from a housekeeper or a routine meal delivery may be a huge help to your parents.  Don’t forget they may need help with the outside of the home, too. 

Remember that handling heavy equipment may be cumbersome for your elderly parents.  Also working outside on a hot day can cause seniors to overheat.  As we age, our bodies have more trouble managing heat.  Setting up help for mowing and other basic lawn care can relieve a physical burden for your parents and eliminate these concerns.  If your parents live in a climate with winter snow, also consider a snow removal service.  Professional services are available that would cover both lawn care and snow clearing, or you may want to check in with the neighbors to see if a teen could lend a hand with mowing and shoveling.

Distances can be overcome...

Even if mom and dad live far away, you have many ways to help them.  Be sure to line up all their important information and keep it handy.  Set up organized systems to help with their finances and medical concerns, and be ready if you need legal documentation.  Arrange to keep them active and mobile through area services.  And you can establish help for them in and around the house.  Taking these steps will help you keep your parents happy and healthy, even when you have to aid them from far away.

*Caring from Afar: A Comprehensive Guide for Long-Distance Senior Caregivers by Claire Wentz is under review and currently awaiting  it's release date.  Stay tuned for future announcements!

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Luckily, the age of technology is enabling long-distance caregiving in ways that previously have been unthinkable.  There are apps and websites full of resources to help anyone searching for caregiving assistance but it's important to recognize that these tools only comfort those caregivers that put in the work.  Do your research and don't wait when it comes to gathering the information.  It's overwhelming in the moment so prepare your game plan early.  Know which resources you will call upon months before you need them and talk to loved ones frequently to best understand their needs. 

Do you have any experience with long-distance caregiving?  Comment with all your pro tips cause I certainly don't have much to share in this department but this information is desprately needed  If you want to know how not to do this, well then I got you! But there are a vast many of folks facing this challenge so comment with the intel!  We need your knowledge.