June 2019: The Wholesome Loaf

What’s that? It’s June and you want to soak up that summer heat by baking bread in your kitchen? Don’t worry. I got you! The Wholesome Loaf recipe for June’s Full Moon Baking club is bound to have you sweating it out and second guessing why you thought this was a good idea. But I’ll just remind you now. Because it’s good. That’s why! And its even better when you make something to share with others.

This bread recipe combines milk, yogurt, and an egg for a soft, pliable dough, that comes together to fulfill your sandwich making needs. Make it, make some sandwiches, and then head out for a picnic with friends and have fun. If its delicious you’ll me so proud of your achievement. If it’s a disaster you’ll have a great memory of that time you made bread for your friends.

I feel like I always have to remind whoever is reading this that the point of the Full Moon Baking Club is not about the recipe so much as it’s about the moments. We cook all the time but so rarely are we cooking and gathering together. Once a month we deserve a break from the norm for the chance to be amungst friends and connect in a way that honors the fact that we are social beings. And I’m not talking about connecting across screens. Real connections, in person, face to face, and in this case with our mouths stuffed.

Ready, set, bake!

Ingredients

• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 cup plain yogurt
• 1 egg
• 2 tsp dry active yeast
• 3 cups flour (+1 more cup for kneading)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tbsp melted butter

Directions

1. In a bowl combine the milk, yogurt, and egg and mix well.
2. Stir in the yeast and let disolve.
3. In a seperate, large bowl, add the 3 cups of flour and the salt.
4. Then pour in the wet mixture and stir to combine.
5. As the dough comes together, gently add extra flour (a little at a time) to help bring the dough together into a workable shape.
6. Sprinkle some flour onto your counter and then tip the dough out.
7. Sprinkle a bit more flour on top of the dough and begin to work it with your hands, adding more flour as necessary to keep it from sticking to your hands.
8. Slowly begin to knead the dough, continueing to add flour as necessary.
9. Knead for roughly 10 or so minutes allowing the dough to fully form with all the ingredients well combined.
10. Continue to knead the dough, shaping it into a round ball.
11. Then place it in a greased bowl and cover with plastic wrap and let rest for an hour or until doubled in size.
12. After its doubled in size, dump ought the dough on a lightly floured surface and knead again.
13. Shape the dough in an oblong loaf and place it into a greased bread pan.
14. Brush the top with melted butter and then and then cover with plastic wrap and let rise for about and hour.
15. Preheat your oven to 450 degress.
16. After the dough has rested for an hour and about doubled in size, remove the wrap and score the top of your loaf and then immediately place it in the hot oven.
17. Then, turn the oven down to 375 degress and bake for 35 minutes.
18. Carefully remove it from the oven and turn the bread out onto a cooling rack and let rest before cutting into it.

May 2019: Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

April shower’s don’t always bring May flowers, or so I’ve been reminded with the passing of Mother’s Day...

It started out harmless enough. On the Wednesday before, I went to the bank running routine errands and as I was leaving, the clerk wished me “Happy Mother’s Day!” Boom! Just like that, I was triggered. First of all, it was Wednesday, approximately four days too early.

Slowdown tiger… Let’s take things a day at a time…

But then I started the dark spiral into how inappropriate it felt to assume we are all celebrating. I am not a mother, nor do I have my own mother to celebrate the day with, and the blatant cheeriness dripping from the clerk’s chin, all about had me ready to turn around and release the Mother of Dragons at her for making such a careless mistake.

… DRACARYS!!!

My mom Sandrita of House Targaryen.

Somehow the words “you too” found their way out of my mouth and I left without torching the place. But then, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt the next several days build with enthusiasm for mom’s everywhere. But I also felt the communal outcry for the bereaved. What that bank clerk neglected, the village provided, and for all the hater’s of social media it would be a shame to dismiss the macro moment of holding space for all of those that have been touched by the institution of motherhood. Being a mother or having a mother makes little difference. The gift of motherhood is ubiquitous and the internet honored them all! My irritation simmered as the larger community reflected a broader sense consciousness and that got me reflecting on my snap judgement of the bank clerk. It seems we were no different, her and I. Both of us, projecting assumptions onto the other. That I would be celebrating Mother’s Day, and she’d be more “woke” and guarded with words… Ugh… I’m ashamed at my own presumption. When a gesture of kindness turns into a source of frustration, it should be a clue that the problem isn’t them; it’s you!

As much as I think I’ve moved on from my mother’s passing, this incident exposed just how raw loss can be, even years later. I’ve heard that moving forward from grief doesn’t mean life eventually returns to “normal”. Instead, we carry the grief with us, heavier by way of holding an emotional weight that only becomes lighter when love lifts us. I’m learning that it’s sometimes impossible to keep a heart from breaking and no amount of glue can restore a shattered one to whole. But loss finds forward traction with love from friends and family, and community members that gather those shards and carry what they can as an emotional service. Humanity and all of its kindness, keeps the burden of pain from being a solo voyage. A village can help shoulder heaviness which is why we need to promote togetherness at all cost. Cue the Full Moon Baking Club…

Communities need work. The growing amount of division among us is concerning but in my experience, baked goods have always had a way of bringing folks together. It’s far from a fix but it’s a start, and if we hope to repair communities we need to disrupt the flow towards isolation and provide opportunities for joyful assembly. This month I invite you to make this recipe, compliments of King Arthur Flour, with the intention to gather, be together and share moments that will spawn memories. We can build relationships and cultivate inclusive environments that proactively combat feelings of “otherness”. And since there are many folks that daily are excluded from the simple pleasure of enjoying food due to allergies, intolerances, and other dietary restrictions, I’m thinking of them this month with this flourless recipe. For all those gluten-free folks battling celiac or gluten intolerance, take a night off from grieving your loss of tasty baked goods, with this cookie recipe. They are delicious and I applaud King Arthur Flour for thinking outside their own box. Cause even the flourless crave flowers… Open your heart by opening your oven door and let cookies be the floodgate in which kindness flows. Happy full moon my friends!

Holding you in heart,

Ashley

Ingredients

• 1 cup smooth peanut butter
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• pinch of salt
• 1 large egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips or mini chips

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
2. Beat the peanut butter, sugar, baking soda, and salt at medium speed of your mixer, until well-blended.
3. Add the egg and vanilla, and blend on low-medium speed until incorporated.
4. Stir in the chocolate chips.
5. Scoop the dough by the tablespoonful onto a baking sheet and push the top of the dough to flatten just slightly.
6. Bake the cookies for 8 to 10 minutes. Remove them from the oven, and cool right on the pan. The tops should be slightly crinkled and you will want to pull them BEFORE they begin to brown on the edges.

* For the original recipe click here.

April 2019: Seed Bread Recipe

For the April 2019 Full Moon bread I can’t think of anything more appropriate than recipe that includes seeds. We are officially in the season of Spring and maintaining with that earthy alignment, seeds seem like a must! Now is the time of year we get back to our gardens and nurture beginnings. No matter if you are embarking on a new phase of life (hashtag me) or a legit garden landscape, seeds are the homies of the season. And if you are someone that wants to adopt a homemade bread practice, well my friend… you have joined at the right time!

Baking culture has unfortunately intimidated the newbies, keeping many would be bread bakers away from the craft. All the more reason for you to hike up your sleeves and shove that elitism right back to were it came from. Anyone with an oven can bake bread and as I explained in last month’s post, basic bread baking is accessible to all. Don’t fear the mess! That’s the meditation of having a bread practice. When you allow yourself to delve into the tactile art of dough, you forfeit your control and learn to work with what’s at hand. Literally. Cause this stuff will stick to your hands until you connect the relationship between wet and dry ingredients. Think back to your childhood when making mud patties where all the rage. Those were fun times until our parent got their say. Well, bread making is mud patty version for adulting. Age has most likely moved us away from play but according to research, play is an important part of development. And since we never truly stop developing, play should not be exclusive to children. If anything, we grown-ups need more exploratory activities to challenge ours brains and remind us that there is more to the world than what we currently know. And the more we learn to engage with the world around us, the better we feel navigating foreign territory. Longs story short, bread yo! Consider it a playground for curiosity that produces better and better results as you gain familiarity.

So, back to the seeds… Aside from the obvious spring seeds blah, blah, this recipe will get your hands into the mix with the chance to really feel your way through the process. Like, really feel the dough and connect with that wet/dry relationship so that the concept starts to click. I’m also going to walk you through an overnight rise so you can familiarize yourself with the convenience of making bread on your own clock. Speaking of clocks, this is the part where I remind you that you do not need to bake bread on the Full Moon. The point of the club is to make a bread this moon cycle and call all your peops over for some sharing. You gotta make bread in order to break bread and whether you see this as a religious/Eucharist offering or just a standard good time among friends, we have reached a point in which opportunities for togetherness are few and far between, so lets make some bread. It doesn’t have to be this one. It doesn’t even have to be good. The point is you yourself are giving reason to gather and from there we can embark on strengthening our relationships and build better communities. Lofty goal? Sure. But we gotta figure out way to push back again all the hate and as Brene Brown says in her book Braving The Wilderness, “People are hard to hate close-up. Move in.” Granted, that is often easier said than done but that’s why you start with friends and create a reason to gather. Bread is the impetus. It’s the commonality amid our diversity and a chance to find connection with a stranger. Baby steps my friends… Just play around with the new… Just plant a seed and I promise you that growth will follow.

“People are hard to hate close-up. Move in.”

— Brene Brown

Ingredients & Supplies

• 3 cups flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
• 1 1/2 cup warm water
• 1/4 cup seeds (sesame, poppy, flax, etc.)
• Plastic wrap
• Parchment paper
• Dutch Oven

Directions

Phase 1

1. In a large bowl mix the flour, salt, and yeast together.
2. Add the warm water and mix to form a shaggy dough ball.
3. Cover with plastic wrap and let rest 8 to 12 hours or overnight.

Phase 2

1. Remove the cover and you'll notice the dough swelled and now appears quite wet and sticky.
2. Sprinkle a layer of seed over the surface of the dough, and then with a wet hand, reach in and lift the dough from the bottom and fold it onto the top.
3. Rotate the bowl slightly and continue with a wet hand to fold the dough over, hiding the seeds within. Do this until all the seeds are now on the inside of the dough.
4. Next, add another light layer of seeds to the top surface and repeat the process of folding the seed into the dough. This method makes for easy kneeding of high hydration doughs while incorporating the seeds at the same time.
5. Once the seed are folded thoughout, you can then shape the dough on a lightly floured surface.
6. Shape the dough into a smooth round form, and then place the dough on a piece or parchment paper resting in pie pan.
7. Sprinkle the last of the seed on top of the dough and then cover and let rest for an hour or until double in size.

Phase 3

1. Preheat your oven and the empty Dutch Oven to 450 degrees F.
2. Once it's preheated to temp, remove the cover from the dough and score the top.
3. Then remove the Dutch Oven from the oven and carefully transfer the dough with the parchment paper and place it into the Dutch Oven securing the lid on top.
4. Bake the dough for 30 minutes.
5. Remove the lid and lower the temperature to 415 degrees F. and bake for 10-15 more minutes until the crust is a deep golden brown.
6. Remove the bread and cool on a wire rack.
7. Invite friends and enjoy!

In Loving Memory Of Gratitude On Thanksgiving

Last year, I remember going through the effort to create a fabulous Thanksgiving meal. I made all the sides and meticulously selected the dishes for serving them. I prepped dough for pies, made cranberry sauce, and even brined my turkey in preparation. I remember tending to my small flower garden and freshly picking a bouquet for a vase to display on our kitchen table. I remember finding a yellow table linen and some candle sticks, archived in a closet, and pulled them out to add even more of a sense of holiday spirit. I spent the whole week really, just getting ready, and true to food blogger form, I shared much of those moments on social media. But here’s the thing about social media… The communities we make online are never a substitute for the real thing. At the end of the day, my Thanksgiving extravaganza, as much as it was “shared,” was a lonesome table for none. A table for one never felt more lonesome because even I was a no-show. Why bother if it’s just for me? My father wasn’t interested in anything more than his usual peanut butter and jelly and I mostly felt defeated in recognizing the reality. I had no one to really share my Thanksgiving meal with and I couldn’t help wondering, what was the point?

“The communities we make online are never a substitute for the real thing.”

Fortunately, my childhood best friend Erika, invited my dad and I to her mother’s house. Prior to her phone call, I felt sad for myself. I went to great lengths to create a Thanksgiving feast, so intent for the purpose of sharing but without a single human to enjoy it with. I actually felt pathetic… Showboating for a social media post… It took some effort to convince my dad but we went and so did my side dishes! It was remarkable to witness generations of a single family all in one place, eating and laughing, and even arguing at times but ultimately enjoying each other’s company.

Erika saved my day but there are many folks without someone to share in a sense of togetherness. The company we keep helps form our communities and a life without the presence of another is depressing at best. We are increasingly separated by circumstance, be it a natural disaster, political differences, civic duties and your run-of-the-mill, family dynamics. There are endless reasons for why we can’t come together, which makes me think that the effort to unite is time well spent. The holidays give us that reason. They provide great impetus to strive for union even as aspects of life will forever remain obstacles. But defeat is not an option, right? Challenges, no matter how they appear, are opportunities to double down and compound efforts when they matter most. So this year, in recognition of so many that are separated by unfortunate circumstances, I am sharing gratitude and hoping it carries good tidings to someone that feels lost, or helpless, or alone , due to playing the tough hand life’s dealt.

“You don’t have the right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt.
You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.”

— Cheryl Strayed

So, in honor of November’s gratitude call, I’m attempting to give back to two organizations. The first is the veteran’s organization, Hope for the Warriors, that has a scholarship program and additional support services specifically for caregivers. As a caregiver to my father, whom is a veteran of the Korean War, supporting Hope for the Warriors is an initiative I can get behind. Additionally, I have formed an unlikely friendship with a man named Richard, a Vietnam War Veteran, whom spent the last five years caring for his wife as she suffered from Alzheimer’s. Richard and I quickly bonded over the stress of the caregiver life. He has helped me some in managing my dad and has also become my mentor of sorts into the world of copper and scrapsmithing. It’s only fitting that our first collaboration serve to benefit those in similar situations. The Copper Cutlery Set is our proudest collaboration thus far and we are happy to dedicate 25% of the proceeds to help fund caregiver initiatives with Hope for the Warriors.

Richard in his shop, Photo credit: Angel Kulynych

The second organization I want to support this month is the International Association of Fire Fighters that have been heroically serving on the front lines of the wildfires raging throughout California. The Torched Oak mixing spoon is for sale with 50% of the proceeds going to IAFF as I can think of nothing more symbolic of life support than a spoon. The handle detail includes torch marks honoring the brave men and women fighting on the front lines to protect individuals and communities from the threat of wildfire. So many have already lost everything but this is a little something I (or rather, we) can give back in support.

In the scheme of things, the cash amassed for these two organizations through spoon sales is nominal and it’s easy to fall prey in thinking one’s efforts are not enough. But for the person that feels they have lost everything, the smallest of gestures can feel like the world. We live often disconnected from the impact of meaningful relationship building. I say meaningful in that feelings are exchanged over a shared experience where multiple parties connect through a mutual affection for a moment. Creation of a sense of belonging with intentional gestures to foster a fellowship for care… This is how we cultivate community.

Last year, Erika ushered me out of my depression and into her community with a small gesture of kindness. It was just a phone call, but more than that, it was care. And as you gather this Thanksgiving Day, I hope you take a moment to acknowledge that this day is special. Not for the food or the history of how Thanksgiving came to be, but the fact that we just don’t do a good job of creating opportunities to build connections. The holidays in general, for better or for worse, give us reason to be together, so let’s make it count!

The Full Moon Baking Club

Baker’s say what?!

Yep. I'm starting a thing! The Full Moon Baking Club! It's really just an excuse to intentionally get back to my love of breads and and all things baking.

Breads, as you might know, are a timely affair and not to be rushed. It's the fact that they take time that beckons me. They are a chance to slowdown. An edible craft of sorts... So, each full moon, celebrating the magic of the night’s sky, I'm going to release and new recipe. The nights will be long but that's ok. That's the point! It's an excuse to light a fire (or candles), play some music, drink a glass of wine and BAKE something and I invite you to join me!

It’s worth mentioning that club fun is not exclusive to the single evening of the full moon. Personally, this project is about setting the intention of doing something I love more regularly and using the moon cycle as a prompt to keep baking in my repertoire. As for the “club” side of things, your participation between the full moons is what really drives the community aspect. Throughout history there are stories of people gathering for food. “Breaking bread" with someone is considered a gesture of kindness… Honoring the brotherhood of humanity… Across nations and even civilizations, bread has remained a commodity for sharing. So, let's share some! Whether it’s baking together one night a month, sharing the same loaf or batch, or using the same recipe, there’s room at the table for improving our sense of community. I believe that kindness lives large within all of us but opportunities to share that kindness with others can feel fleeting. We’ve been too busy to slowdown long enough to remember that the slowness accounts for our time and our time is the most important thing we can share with another person. I look forward to sharing some of my time with you, and you with us, and us with we and so on… An exploration around the idea of what a “we” can really be… Breaking bread “together” by baking together…

Post your Full Moon Baking Club moments using the hashtag #FullMoonBakingClub so I can break bread with you and you can break it with others. That’s how this can work. Also, keep an eye out for New Moon updates where I’m trying to release hand carved wooden spoons to compliment all the culinary adventures. Every good baker needs a wooden spoon so ya know… It has to happen!

Forever in crumb,

Ashley

3rd Quarter Report

Change is in the air and I’m ready to feel it! I want to wear it on my skin, breath it in, and bask in the sense of something new after months of anger and frustration and feeling stuck. None of this is actually new. These feelings have been ever-present as caregiving has that way of reducing your sense of freedom while feeding you a cocktail of resentment. I frequently find myself consumed by bitterness, embroiled by feelings of sacrifice without a taste of reward. They say that caregiving is a thankless job and I see the truth there but I also feel compelled to believe there is something better. A silver lining around the corner, hiding in the shadows… It’s there. It’s just awaiting discovery. And without a reminder to counter your perceptions, it’s easy to fall victim to your own worst thoughts… There is no light.

#FakeNews… It’s not that the light is not there, it’s just so hard to see it on your own. I more than know the value of community and feelings of caregiver isolation have only strengthened those beliefs. At the same time, I’m learning that it’s no one’s job to make you happy. My father is impossible to please and my efforts to cater to his every need, as if I’m a DJ for his life, gets old quick, especially when his every response is that of criticism. I can not express how deeply this cuts through me. No movie I play for him is good enough. The CDs I put on are always the wrong ones. Every meal I make is not “normal stuff”… I can accept that he has dementia and this is the result of illness but I cannot accept the feelings that somehow, I am not enough. I personalize it because it’s my every effort. It’s not a single recipe he refuses. It’s me grabbing carrots from the fridge and his head shaking no, already in protest. An immediate refusal to wait and see… Maybe it will be good? “It”… that questionable step forward that might lead us both to a better state of existence if we could both just trust the outcome will be ok. Just a single step so we might see that so-called “light”.

I must repeatedly remind myself that my job is not to make my father happy. My job is to keep him healthy and safe. Unfortunately, that means I must forgo my own happiness as our lives are inexplicably linked. But again, #FakeNews… If it’s no one’s job to provide another with happiness, than it’s a personal mission to find it for yourself. So, in an ode to gratitude I have a few things that are light worthy! Here are some recent highs:

Copper Cutlery Set

This copper cutlery set! It is a first addition set that has been crafted from 95% post-commercial consumer material. The copper was salvaged from a scrapped windlass motor off a boat (a tribute to my old life sailing with the Sea Education Association) and pieces of electrical cable found in a local junk pile. Reduce, reuse recycle? (Hi AmeriCorps Cape Cod! You are another reminder that time remains within us…) The parts were recycled and repurposed for this second life as functional art. They have assorted imperfections due to the nature of scrapsmithing however it’s specifically those details that provide the set with character and tell their story of longevity. Like us, we all live with scars but we can also chose to recognize them as marks of beauty. This cutlery set speaks that language. They are imperfectly perfect! Working with copper is a new venture for me that meets my heart at the intersection of food as craft and production through recycling. This is just the beginning and I am beyond excited to see where it leads.

Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club

I joined a cooking club! Being that I’m a chef, you might think it’s odd that I’m following someone else’s recipes but honestly, I’m tired of wasting mental energy on everyday things. Meals are a must but the what of each meal keeps getting in the way. Time spent determining what to make is just as consuming as shopping for ingredients, prepping a recipe, and cleaning-up afterwards. These tasks are never ending and the churn and burn of making grub, wedged between the needs of caregiving has come to feel like an inescapable rut. It’s not that I don’t want to make good food. I just don’t want the puzzle of “what” day in, day out, when the complexities of senior care continue to compound my life. So, for a change of pace I signed-up for the Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club! I’ve been following Sara Forte, the creator of Sprouted Kitchen, for a while now and her take on food run close to my own approach wholesome. This cooking club has infused some fun back into my culinary game. I have frequently experienced “cooking block” (think writer’s block) over the course of the 3 1/2 years I’ve now been in Florida. Maybe it’s that lack of seasonal change? Who knows.. All, I can say is that this club has come as a sort-of relief. It provides both freedom and structure which is exactly what I need right now, with enough room for creativity when inspiration strikes. Perfect example? Homemade pitas to compliment the Chopped Mediterranean Salad in the gallery photo above.

Homemade pita! Looks at that puff!!!

Long story short, if you are a busy caregiver or parent or anyone in need of some simplified direction on what to make for dinner you might want to consider joining the Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club. This is my first month of participation but I can say with honesty that the recipes are both tasty and wholesome and streamlined for convenience. Put that together and boom! That’s a gratitude bomb in my book. I find myself looking forward to the weekly release of new recipes which is a cheap thrill maybe, but thrill nonetheless! That “light” lives in looking forward and the little things are not excluded.

Spoon Carving Workshop on Cape Cod

For two nights only!

Speaking of looking forward, I have something big to throw into the mix! I am excited to share that I have a spoon carving workshop on Cape Cod! I’m collaborating with Milisa Moses at the Plant Work Shop in Orleans, MA for two evenings of fun where we’ll be carving our own kitchen tools! Spoon time! Can you feel my excitement?

I often wonder if “making” has become a lost art. Within the world of technology, manufacturing, and mass production, I find myself yearning for the chance to settle into craft. Almost like a nostalgia for slowness, spoon carving has become my modern past-time. I dream about it happening on porches, around campfires, and in public spaces. It’s a hobby that is both fun to gather for or escape into. It nurtures both independence and togetherness. A foundation for community building...

I realize this is just my biased, dreamy perspective on what many might see as geeky kitchen hobby but in my many hours of carving spoons I can say for sure, that it’s not really about the spoons. It’s about the people! It’s about the conversations and the shared experience and the opportunity to make time to take time. It’s about the stories that are told as well as the silence that’s held. The holding of space…

So, to say that I am excited for this workshop is an understatement! I am over the moon at the thought of returning to my old community to share something I love with the people I love! I cannot wait! So come. We’ll make spoons but let’s also start a conversation! Let’s be together on a solo journey for craft and learn about being us!

Hand carved apple wood spoon

If you made it this far, I am impressed! That’s the look of change over here as we roll into fall. A summary of the last few months but with a view of the future. It is with a little pause for reflection I recognize that nothing about life stands still. For all the stagnation I complain about, I have to also remind myself that feelings are just feelings. Feelings are not facts and it takes a concerted effort to recognize the difference. Change is constant and when you make time to take time, you harness the power of moments. Those moments can add up to things that are truly special and with a deep breath I see that. A sigh for light.

What’s changed in your world? I’d love to hear! There is still a quarter left for 2018 which means there is still time for time…